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Original poster

I sent this text to myself at 1am

196 replies

Nomorebagels · 02/10/2019 12:33

‘He shouted at me, told me to ‘fuck off bitch’, and raised his fist at me. He told me I’d be a sad spinster like my friend who has just become single.’
I sent it because I wanted to look at what happened in the cold light of day and evaluate. He stormed out and has not apologised. Four years together, no DC.
We argued because he parked his car across three of the neighbours spaces because one of their cars was in his and he was raging about that. I dared to tell him he was being unreasonable and he got mad.
He’s not a nice man is he?

OP posts:
donethinkin · 02/10/2019 13:15

Not a good guy. What an over reaction to not getting his own way. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a prick like that? How old are you? Why would you end up a sad spinster? Are you 80? If not, dump and move on. 60 million people in this country so lots more fish in the sea.

treacletree · 02/10/2019 13:15

Sounds like something is making him subconsciously more aggressive maybe. Sorry to suggest it but do you suspect OW at all. An absuive ex of mine was so nasty when he was about to leave for OW.

donethinkin · 02/10/2019 13:16

Oh and thank god you don’t have kids and can get away clean. Pity the poor woman who ends up tied to him. Sad times ahead for her

StewDad · 02/10/2019 13:17

The raising of the fist part was enough for me. Ditch his sorry ass. If he's already blocking you on social media then he's likely trying to replace you or is bad mouthing you behind your back to everyone. Clean break and get away from this a'hole before he loses his rag properly next time.

Ginkypig · 02/10/2019 13:17

The fact that he has followed this behaviour on shows this wasn't just a split second of him losing control then immediately regretting it. This shows he has decided that he can and will behave like this and that you are someone who he doesn't care enough or think you have enough worth to show you even basic respect!

Now even if he had had a split second loss of control that still wouldn't made it ok and my advice that you are worth better than this! wouldn't change but I am pointing it out to show you clearly that he is making a conscious choice to treat you like this even though he has had the space and time to calm down and think about how he is treating you but he just doesn't care!

Original poster
Nomorebagels · 02/10/2019 13:18

To their person who asked about our relationship with the neighbours, he has issues with problems in parking in that it’s tight here and some of the flats have multiple cars. He gets angry that some people have several cars here and he can’t get just one parked so he was definitely having a go at them in parking across three spaces. I just think it’s an aggressive way to behave to do that. I want to get on with my neighbours and don’t want any problems. He was furious that I said that. In fact, the neighbour who parked in his space actually moved her car at 11pm to another space so his was free for him. Then she emailed everyone in the block with a photo of his car across three spaces explaining what had happened. He would have inconvenienced other neighbours returning late to park and finding him blocking their spaces.

OP posts:
saraclara · 02/10/2019 13:19

WTF?

Saying "Fuck off bitch" and raising his fist to her is only 'bad but not terminal' @AddictedProcrastinatorMan ?

The first time a boyfriend called me a bitch would be the last. Add in the fuck off and it'd be terminal, never mind with the raised fist.
You have extremely low standards

FavouriteSong · 02/10/2019 13:22

There's nothing sad about being single/a spinster. There's everything sad about spending any more time with this dickhead. Make plans and get out. Live the rest of your life happily, and wait until you meet someone who cherishes you and respects you before settling down.
Flowers

Hidingtonothing · 02/10/2019 13:23

You sound very switched on OP, well done for recognising this for what it is. It's just a case of fiercely protecting your boundaries now, don't listen to any excuses and make sure your head is ruling your heart. The damage is done and you can never trust him again so no point in stringing it out. We will be here if you feel yourself weakening and need talking down but I have a feeling you're going to be fine Flowers

babybunny123 · 02/10/2019 13:23

Disgusting, no going back from that is there?.

messolini9 · 02/10/2019 13:23

he seemed to hate me having an opinion which contradicted his.
Very, very bad sign - disrespectful & controlling.

Now wondering if i’ve Subconsciously been toning down my opinions to keep the peace.
I would bet you have - 4 years is plenty long enough to have slowly adjusting your behaviours around him until you have normalised your response.

Well done for the text you sent yourself.
Please act on it: even his behaviour with the car parking & subsequent childish social media blocking is enough reason - let alone the aggression, name calling & fist raising.

GinatheMachina · 02/10/2019 13:24

20 years ago my ex said very similar words to me.

He was recently moaning on twitter(!) that he hadn't had a girlfriend in 14 years.

Karma!

Rachelover60 · 02/10/2019 13:26

Not nice at all and that's an understatement.

I'm going to say LTB. Please.

Witchinaditch · 02/10/2019 13:27

Leave him. Good luck.

diddl · 02/10/2019 13:27

He told you to "fuck off bitch".

Well you should do what he wants you to in this instance imo.

He can't want to be with you when he can be so nasty about you, can he?

Drum2018 · 02/10/2019 13:27

Do you own a house together? Hoping not so it will be easier to make a clean break.

MrsPMT · 02/10/2019 13:28

Agree LTB, you have no DCs so no reason to stay.

There are loads of way nicer blokes around. No need to put up with that.

Good luck

Original poster
Nomorebagels · 02/10/2019 13:29

@Hidingtonothing you hit the nail on the head when you said I could never trust him again. I can’t. I’m very, very sad that this has happened out of the blue but I think I would always be scared of him from now on and never dare to voice a contradiction to him. I’m still numb and probably rambling on, sorry.

OP posts:
81Byerley · 02/10/2019 13:31

You have had a lucky escape. Stay away from him. Block him back, so if he decides to unblock you to have another go he won't be able to.

Dazedandconfusedmostdays · 02/10/2019 13:31

Oh my goodness, you deserve so much more than him.

Original poster
Nomorebagels · 02/10/2019 13:34

And no, it’s my house - well flat - not joint. I always remember when we got together he said he wasn’t in a position to ‘look after me’ (he meant financially) and I said ‘the only person who looks after me is me’. I always have. ( I’m 45 to the person who asked) I’ve not told anyone IRL yet as I feel a little ashamed to tell them what happened and I don’t want to worry my parents who really really liked him. I’m so upset at the moment as the enormity day of this sinks in. Thank you all for replying to me. It’s a big help, honestly.

OP posts:
katseyes7 · 02/10/2019 13:35

Walk, OP. And keep walking.

BoomZahramay · 02/10/2019 13:35

My first LTB. No kids is brilliant. Just run.

Butteflyone1 · 02/10/2019 13:41

You deserve better than this OP. He's made the decision to block you on SM so sounds like he is a control freak trying to dictate everything.

Bag up anything you have of his, send a polite message asking him to collect it then move on. I know it sounds easier than actually doing it but he has no respect for you to treat you like this. You canlive a life in fear. I'd rather be single than with a man like that.

Whyisshedoingit · 02/10/2019 13:43

@saraclara You would end a relationship for swearing? Are you serious? That's quite the superiority complex you have there. I'm not by any means saying it's acceptable. However we all make mistakes and in anger turn to swearing to let aggression out. I certainly wouldn't walk away after just the once (provided he apologised and meant it). Relationships are not disposable, they need work and mistakes happen.
However in OP's case there was more than swearing, of course. She should definitely LTB!

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