I sent this text to myself at 1am

[Nomorebagels]

‘He shouted at me, told me to ‘fuck off bitch’, and raised his fist at me. He told me I’d be a sad spinster like my friend who has just become single.’
I sent it because I wanted to look at what happened in the cold light of day and evaluate. He stormed out and has not apologised. Four years together, no DC.
We argued because he parked his car across three of the neighbours spaces because one of their cars was in his and he was raging about that. I dared to tell him he was being unreasonable and he got mad.
He’s not a nice man is he?

And to @hellsbellsmelons no, not a single one of those on your checklist. Just an abusive arsehole who no one else would put up with!

Change the locks @Nomorebagels - it's your property, you have every right to

There's a book called why does he do that?' by Lundy. In it he points out that 'he isn't abusive because he is angry, he is angry because he is abusive'. Sounds pretty applicable here.

And he didn't stop himself from hitting you, he raised his fist to scare you and it had the desired affect. It was planned. He wanted to emotionally hurt you - and to scare you. Horrible, horrible man.

You are well rid. Might be wise to read up on narcissistic abuse. Oh and he prepared for him to try and hoover you back with bullshit.

Keep him blocked on everything, send any of his stuff that is left round to his mums and change all your online passwords. Be careful of mutual friends too.

@saraclara You would end a relationship for swearing? Are you serious? That's quite the superiority complex you have there.

@Whyisshedoingit I have no problem with anyone swearing in other contexts. But a person who is prepared to look anyone in the face (never mind, the person he's supposed to love and care about) and call them "a fucking bitch" is not someone I want to be around.

For most locks you can just pop out the barrel, rather than exchanging the entire lock and swap it over fairly easy. There are loads of great tutorials on Youtube. Otherwise, please get a friend or locksmith to do it ASAP for peace of mind. Don't just expect the keys back. There is always a risk, he would have a spare.

He’s come back. He let himself in as if nothing happened.

"Off you fuck then love"

You do not need his agreement to end the relationship

Of course he has. He's a narcissist or similar. They always act as if they've done nothing wrong in order to gaslight you.

Tell him to pack his shit and feck off. Don't let him try and talk you into more chances. Just 'No. You have an hour to collect your things and leave. Otherwise I will call the police'. And if he doesn't go, call them. Tell them that he raised is fist to you last night and you are scared. They'll soon shift him.

Change the locks once he is gone. It's your house, it's your say who stays there.

And don't try and be nice to him or agree to compromises - He will see kindness as weakness.

Is there anyone who can come over while he packs? Might be safer with someone else there

everything @Pinkbonbon says ^^

Well, I am not surprised. Now OP you need to act for your own sake.

I predicted that he would just stroll back as if nothing had happened. I am so sorry I was right but you really should have been a bit more pro-active and sorted the lock out earlier today.

I know what I have to do. I just don’t want to antagonise him

Ring the police or call a friend to come around and take your keys off of him.

Thanks for that 'I'll just go back in time' advice @Grumpelstilskin !

Call a friend or even ask a neighbour to come round while he packs if pos.

He can't spend the night or it'll be all the harder to get him to leave.

@tobedtoMNandfart The initial posts were hours ago! Changing the locks is pretty much the first thing people advised. Especially when someone scared you and still has your keys. It's like people calling out repeatedly to close the gate and then several hours later having to deal with the proverbial bolted horse. It is worrying and frustrating when you then read a distressing update that could have been avoided. It's also to urge anyone else in that kind of situation to not procrastinate but act out of self-preservation. I am sad that I was right in my worry, as I've been there and hoped OP would not have to face that situation.

PS: On re-reading my comments, I do sound a bit twatty though and it does come across as "I told you though!" That was genuinely not my intention OP.

👍

Good luck op

@Grumpelstilskin It’s ok you didn’t sound twattish to me and I appreciate your advice. I just wasn’t quick enough, I certainly didn’t appreciate him back so soon.

Hi OP - can you call someone quickly to be with you?

Oh he's come back? Tell him to go. Call the police if he won't leave,

Oh OP, I am sorry you are on this rollercoaster. It really is quite an eyeopener just how much these types all follow the same script. It all is so familiar, the going from complete meltdown, threats, blocking to just waltzing back in as nothing has happened. Problem is now, he overstepped a massive boundary and it will open the floodgates for more of the same and worsening behaviour. You dared to challenge him openly and he exploded. He now thinks that he got you better trained. If you feel scared and worried now, you do not have to challenge him right away but instead put plans into place to get him out of your life when it is safer to do for you. That means getting an emergency locksmith if need be the moment, he leaves the house and maybe have some bolt fitted etc. But do please remember that this was a real watershed moment and it won’t get any better, even if he momentarily pretends nothing has happened.