Dating thread 171: Turning over new leaves as we head into autumn

[saltysally]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

**

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking the only advice I can give is be yourself and don't get drunk! When did you start chatting with MrCopper?

@Neverexpected2 ghosted after 6 weeks that's bloody harsh! What happened?

Kermit - going to have to drive there and back so that's not an issue anyway.
Only started talking today but he gives good text Nice balance of normal person decency and flirty naughtiness. Which he took my lead on.

My goodness MrMechanic has just sent me a pic that made me go 😳🙈 bloody hell he's hot! Wow, @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking, that is quick work well done! I've been chatting to MrMechanic for 3 days and we're meeting on Saturday

Well it was Friday or would have to wait until God knows when - more than 10 days

Sorry to hear that @neverexpected2 so glad cowardly of him

So cowardly. Wtf did glad come from

kermit he literally went from normal texting of goodnight and emojis to just ignoring me - not even reading my messages (no ticks but suspect reading in preview window) so after 2 days of no contact I sent a closure message last night telling him I was disappointed that he didn't have the balls to just be honest and was hurt that it had ended this way but wished him well (as I'm a adult) and then unmatched on apps and archived on WhatsApp. I would never have had him down for this behaviour but then again I never had my ex of 21 years down as cheat either so what do I know 🤷‍♀️

@Neverexpected2 that is bloody awful pal. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that but you handled it with far more grace and decorum than he deserved. Hugs

Thanks all. I'm pretty gutted to be honest as hes the first I've really liked and could see going somewhere so knocked my confidence a bit - not just because dumped again - but because again I couldn't judge a character correctly again 🤦‍♀️

@Neverexpected2 bloody coward! Just remember that it's not you it's him! I can remember the horrible feeling when MrTall's texts started to dwindle - bloody awful. In my experience though with WA don't just archive delete completely and wash him away - it helped me enormously with the healing process

@Neverexpected2 wow that is truly awful. I'm so sorry.

@Neverexpected2 that’s absolutely shit, I’m sorry. I popped on to say that I’m going on a second date with Mr Sash and I’m already worried he’ll lose interest...it’s all anxiety-inducing and heartbreaking really. Sending you hugs

Never what a wanker he is - so cowardly.

I was OLD on and off from February 2016. Had one relationship of over a year, and a few dates with Mr Sailor in February of this year (was on the dating thread then). Ended that because he didn't seem to fancy me - no kissing 😕. Have had many many first dates - some awful and slightly scary, some just 'nice but not for me' and some downright bizarre! Some people are randomly lucky and meet someone straight away - nothing special they've done. A bit like winning the lottery. The rest of us just plod up the peaks and down the troughs of the online dating terrain. You never quite know what's ahead. We should all be proud of our tenacity and know that it's never us when we are ghosted, breadcrumbed, lied too ....

I would never have believed I would go on a social meet with a man from Fab and end up in love and in a relationship!

Rule 6 @neverexpected2 it isn't your fault. People can be jerks.

@Neverexpected2 I'm sad for you, I'm sorry someone did this. xxx

I was in a bit of a funny mood last night, felt sad. I think its because I had a nice day with Mr C and then had to leave to go get DS and go to parents evening. Realised Parents evening had been the night before and I had missed DS's first parents evening at his new school. Absolutely gutted. As you can imagine I was feeling like a failure. I'm not doing too badly at the parenting on my own but DS won't go to sleep at a reasonable hour, he has too much stuff in his room and I've still got some things to do to be able to unpack the house fully. I'm on the last few things and its just beating me.

So Mr C came round at 9.30pm, we sat on the sofa cuddling and chatting and laughing at the dogs. I can't even remember what it was but one of the dogs did something hilarious and we basically cried for a good ten minutes.

Then....I said he could stay over if he wanted, explained that DS doesn't come into my room in the morning and sleeps like the dead. So he stayed over and he told me at about 3am that he was falling in love with me to which I responded that he'd had me when he came to look after me when I was ill, "I will always look after you". Then we had a conversation about how he was still scared about how intensely he feels and how he had been worried because I've never been in love before. I said, well - its not that I can't be in love I just haven't ever fallen for someone. So we talked about feelings and compatibility a bit more and how we're planning a trip away next April and then we drifted off to sleep.

I know two months to fall in love with someone is a fairly short time but we didn't say "I love you" just "falling in love" so I think we're both aware that love is a far bigger thing than what we have right now. I just want to climb inside his skin (weird?!?!)

@Neverexpected2 it's not your judgement, people sometimes put on a good front. I went on a date with an actor and thought he was friendly and amiable but things didn't progress. A mutual friend who is in that world told me it's his business to really sell himself and be liked. I guess I'm saying don't beat yourself up. He has to live with himself for being a twat whereas you have been open and honest along the way.

Blimey @SBD1 that's a great update!
I'm aware I'm a bit sporadic on here so not expecting anyone to keep up with my story. I had a great date with Mr Fitness last Thursday. So much so we arranged to meet up again the very next day! (that's a first for me) 2nd date went so well I'm totally shocked. We ended up snogging like mad which was wholey unexpected (on my part anyway). So now I'm desperately trying to not build up too many expectations but at the same time finding myself grinning like a Cheshire Cat! We have next date planned for this weekend and I can't wait..
And I've stopped "swiping" altogether - which is probably terribly premature but I do find one guy at a time plenty to be thinking of!!

Well I for one liked that link @Themyscira - good lessons, particularly like the appreciation of rarity in connection, and not limiting your definition of love. People - if ever you find yourself thinking this person is great,rare etc. - it's not that person, it's the pair of you that made that feeling. Put /yourselves/ up on that pedestal - not the other person.

Anyway while we're posting articles this made me laugh How To Even Tell If Someone Likes You especially after last night's date. Chatted and laughed, stayed out late, got drunk and then ... she ran away without saying goodbye. I guess that makes me either Prince Charming or the Bogeyman

@HairyArsedMan thats so funny! Did she leave a slipper? Hopefully you have arranged a second one 😁

Thanks for all your kind words - I really do appreciate the support on here now I've found myself in this crazy world of on line dating. I suppose I know it's not me but just gutted I was taken in and actually let my barriers down I suppose. He'd said from outset he'd never been so much of a dickhead to ghost someone and i thought, given the job he does (too outing to say) and the fact that he was ex army, that he would have the balls to be honest if he wanted out 🤷‍♀️ oh well, back to the drawing board (I really do despise my ex at times like this for putting me in this situation when I was under impression I had my life mapped out ahead of me 😡)

Lovely update SDB1

@Neverexpected2 I have honestly found it extremely uncanny that people will sometimes say things like that out of nowhere 'I've never done X'. 'I pride myself on honesty'.....it's like a weird code to watch out for them doing just the opposite.

I agree with @supercali77 there. Those that have protested about all these great characteristics (AKA basics). Were the exact opposite

Glad to hear things are going so well @SBD1 Personally I think it's a bit early to have him staying over when your son is at home. You do have child free nights so I would probably leave having him over for those times. Your son has a lot of adjustment in his life so I'd leave it a good while before that includes being around a new man.

I know you say he sleeps well but there are always exceptions. Generally people on this thread recommend 6 months which I think is a reasonable rule when your children are small and adjusting to a break up, new school, new home etc.