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Original poster

AIBU to not tell dh im going away for a night?

331 replies

Cherriesandroses · 29/09/2019 21:27

My dc are 9 and 3 and I haven’t had a night away from them since they’ve been born. I’ve had evenings out with friends but not a night away.
Two of my best friends have been talking about having a night away in a city, maybe seeing a show and I want to go but I know dh wouldn’t ever agree to it.
He’s away on business for a fortnight in November and I’m tempted to leave the children with my parents for a night (they’d have them happily) and go and not tell him.

Wibu? I guess if he found out afterwards he’d be livid.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 29/09/2019 22:41

I know it’s not right but I’ve no other options at the moment

Well there you go. You have answered your own AIBU.

Outsomnia · 29/09/2019 22:42

Again, how would he know you are away given that he is away also?

Just wondered. Not that you should have to keep it secret, but honestly?

Are you afraid he will find out or something.

Getting the spidey feeling now. Sorry.

resipsa · 29/09/2019 22:42

Aah - didn't see the abusive relationship stuff before posting. Scrub my first then Sad

StroppyWoman · 29/09/2019 22:45

Sweetie, you are in an abusive relationship.

You're an adult. You're allowed to do what you want.

cochineal7 · 29/09/2019 22:45

Is this what you want your children to normalise?

Wheelson · 29/09/2019 22:46

This isn't normal OP. He has no right to say you can't have a night out whilst pleasing himself. Please make a change here.

justasking111 · 29/09/2019 22:47

Read your other thread. You are in a bad relationship. I would ask your parents if you can go to stay with them. Tell your OH you want a separation and have some time to think about your future. You are 37 now plenty of time to enjoy life. You were a girl when you met him now you are a mature woman. You are too dependent on him so need to move out until you decide how you want your future to be.

spottysept · 29/09/2019 22:54

Life's too short to live such a shit existence, you sound like a shell of a person. Out of all the billions of years, you're on this planet for what, 80/90 if you're lucky. Or you could die in 3 years, or 5. Get outta there and live your life before it's gone, for your kids if nothing else.

Sparkle733 · 29/09/2019 22:56

You go and have a lovely time.
He has no right to tell you what you can and can't do.
You are your own person and can make your own choices.
I hope one day you find the strength to leave this person because nobody deserves to be treated like that and do it not only for your own sake but for your kids too. x

CinnamonMentos · 29/09/2019 22:57

spottysept

Totally agree with you. Sounds cheesy but we get one shot at this. You’re not living, you’re just existing. Your dh in controlling you. Please get out before you waste away the next few years of your life. Ffs, you should be having fun and be allowed to go out where ever you want. Having dc doesn’t mean spending the rest of your life indoors after dark.

Make a plan and leave

Trebla · 29/09/2019 22:58
  1. can you afford it
  2. will the children be OK whilst you're away

The only 2 considerations you need to consider.

YellWat · 29/09/2019 22:59

It is not healthy for children to grow up in abusive families, even if the abuse is only between the parents. It normalises abuse and wrecks their chances of easily finding mutually satisfying relationships. If you won't leave for you, leave for them.

reginafelangee · 29/09/2019 23:01

You are not 'allowed' to go away for a night?

Rethink this entire relationship. How controlling is that.

You are an Adult. You don't require his permission to do anything.

reginafelangee · 29/09/2019 23:02

Just read some of your updates.

Seriously get out of this relationship. This s controlling and abusive.

cyclingmad · 29/09/2019 23:03

This reply has been deleted

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Elieza · 29/09/2019 23:03

Get yourself round to women’s aid and see what your options actually are. You can’t stay with him forever. He is keeping you prisoner. You deserve better and your children will eventually notice and they shouldn’t think this behaviour is normal. It’s not.

Tonnerre · 29/09/2019 23:04

Do you want to carry on like this for the next few decades? Do you want your children growing up with this man for a role model?

ThatCurlyGirl · 29/09/2019 23:06

OP my love nobody is going to be able to answer your original question properly because we are all primarily together worried about you and sad for you due to the reason you feel unable to go away.

You poor thing, this is an awful and quite scary situation Flowers

Walnutwhipster · 29/09/2019 23:08

It's sad to hear any woman saying they either have to ask permission or wouldn't be allowed to go away. This is abusive. Sneaking away is not the answer, you need the freedom to go.

underneaththeash · 29/09/2019 23:09

Do you think if you did go on holiday together, your husband may be out till 4am with his new friends, leaving you with the baby?

Cherrysoup · 29/09/2019 23:09

Why are with this idiot? It’s ok for him to be away for work, stag dos, ‘just because’ but never you? Utterly horrible, get out, OP.

CandyLeBonBon · 29/09/2019 23:11

Surely you can see this isn't healthy op. He's clearly a very controlling person. And you're so used to it you aren't seeing it for what it is.

CandyLeBonBon · 29/09/2019 23:13

@underneaththeash that's a different poster?

IamWaggingBrenda · 29/09/2019 23:21

Why do you need his permission? Why does he have such control over you, and why do you let him? You’re an adult, of course you can decide this. It’s not for him to approve or disapprove of.

IAmBumblebee · 29/09/2019 23:31

Jeeze. If this was my DH I would tell him I'm leaving him