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Original poster

AIBU to not tell dh im going away for a night?

331 replies

Cherriesandroses · 29/09/2019 21:27

My dc are 9 and 3 and I haven’t had a night away from them since they’ve been born. I’ve had evenings out with friends but not a night away.
Two of my best friends have been talking about having a night away in a city, maybe seeing a show and I want to go but I know dh wouldn’t ever agree to it.
He’s away on business for a fortnight in November and I’m tempted to leave the children with my parents for a night (they’d have them happily) and go and not tell him.

Wibu? I guess if he found out afterwards he’d be livid.

OP posts:
EggysMom · 29/09/2019 21:32

Why would he even make a fuss?

Original poster
Cherriesandroses · 29/09/2019 21:32

I’ve no issue with him going.

OP posts:
Grobagsforever · 29/09/2019 21:32

In what other ways is he abusing you OP?

Rezie · 29/09/2019 21:32

I'm worried that your husband dictates what you are allowed to do. That is significantly bigger problem than this issue.

Chrissmasjammies · 29/09/2019 21:32

This is madness. Book it and go. Life is too short to put up with this controlling bollocks

AreWeAnywhereNear · 29/09/2019 21:33

I think I'd be 'gong away' from him too, to be honest.

Scarydinosaurs · 29/09/2019 21:33

And why is it one rule for him and another for you?

Original poster
Cherriesandroses · 29/09/2019 21:33

He’s just got a thing about me being away. He doesn’t like me being out after dark either. But mainly being away. Wasn’t a problem pre kids. Now it’s a massive problem.

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 29/09/2019 21:33

@Cherriesandroses this post isn't going to go well if you give such short answers. What you are saying is worrying.
Your husband shouldn't be stopping you he should be supporting you as you are him.

hazandduck · 29/09/2019 21:34

Op are you happy with this though? Do you really want to live your life on eggshells, with your children growing up thinking this is a healthy relationship? Because it really, truly is not.

AnyFucker · 29/09/2019 21:34

Op...is it normal for you to live in such a manpleasing, unbalanced way ?

Iloveacurry · 29/09/2019 21:34

Why are you not allowed to go away for the night? But he is allowed to do what he wants.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/09/2019 21:36

@Cherriesandroses abuse often starts once the kids come aalong

FudgeBrownie2019 · 29/09/2019 21:36

You know it would be fine to go away for most people. You also know that this is like a wakeup call because instead of accepting that he doesn't "allow" x, y and z, you're thinking of doing it anyway.

OP, if he manipulates you into doing what he wants, if you adjust your behaviour to appease him, if certain things "aren't worth" the fuss he'll inevitably make, you are being controlled. That's not something I'd say lightly. Please listen to the posters on here who respond to you and take time to work out what you want long-term because this doesn't have to be your lot in life.

Dyrne · 29/09/2019 21:36

Cherriesandroses Your husband is controlling you - this is abusive behaviour.

Please take some time to really examine your relationship and whether you should be staying with a man who treats you like this.

You don’t have to leave straight away - take some time to gather your thoughts and make a plan; but you really deserve so much more than living a life like this - having to plan a night out with such secrecy is not the sign of a healthy relationship.

Iloveacurry · 29/09/2019 21:37

Sorry just seen your update. Just go, and tell him what you’re doing. Honestly what can he say? If he’s got an issue, that’s for him to deal with.

getoutofthatgarden202 · 29/09/2019 21:37

Oh no :( this is so controlling! You can do what you want..he can't tell you not to go away - it's not like you are leaving kids alone and not like you need to pay for childcare while you are gone!

Shoxfordian · 29/09/2019 21:38

He's abusive, can you call women's aid?

ThinkerThunkk · 29/09/2019 21:38

why are you 'not allowed' ?

Paddy1234 · 29/09/2019 21:39

I think you know that this isn't right. I don't expect anyone to be on his side particularly if your parents will have the children.

ThinkerThunkk · 29/09/2019 21:40

Just seen your update - what does he think might happen if you go out after dark?

MissConductUS · 29/09/2019 21:40

You're married not enslaved. This level of control is really not okay.

When you've discussed it what are his reasons?

Original poster
Cherriesandroses · 29/09/2019 21:40

Because if I go and he knows he will then want proof that’s where I am and call incessantly etc.

I know it’s not right but I’ve no other options at the moment. I will probably end up not going.

OP posts:
overnightangel · 29/09/2019 21:41

You do realise this isn’t a healthy marriage?

NewMe2019 · 29/09/2019 21:42

You've posted about him on relationships very recently and had a lot of advice about how abusive and vile he is. I'm not sure why your posting this thread here when you've had a lot of excellent advice before and it's clear you've worded this in a way to get replies about how controlling he is and that you should ltb.