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Original poster

AIBU to not tell dh im going away for a night?

331 replies

Cherriesandroses · 29/09/2019 21:27

My dc are 9 and 3 and I haven’t had a night away from them since they’ve been born. I’ve had evenings out with friends but not a night away.
Two of my best friends have been talking about having a night away in a city, maybe seeing a show and I want to go but I know dh wouldn’t ever agree to it.
He’s away on business for a fortnight in November and I’m tempted to leave the children with my parents for a night (they’d have them happily) and go and not tell him.

Wibu? I guess if he found out afterwards he’d be livid.

OP posts:
GertrudeCB · 29/09/2019 21:42

OP this is not normal, you must know that?

TriciaH87 · 29/09/2019 21:42

Tell him your parents have asked to have the kids for a night and seeing as his away working again you have said yes. Your entitled to a break and if he argues you tell him that during his 2 weeks away he will not be working and sleeping the whole time. He will have time to do as he pleases and you are having one night to your self for the first time in 9 years. I would also tell him if he dares to think it unreasonable and to make a fuss about it you will make it a regular thing when you divorce his arse for unreasonable behaviour. It will make him think before he moans. Your allowed to have time for yourself and should not have to hide it.

MissConductUS · 29/09/2019 21:44

So it's jealousy? Does he think you're going out to some secret shagfest?

SherbetSaucer · 29/09/2019 21:44

Not only should you tell him you’re going (and have a great time) you should pack his bags and leave them on the lawn!!

Nobody should EVER tell you what you can and can’t do! Fuck him!

SleepingStandingUp · 29/09/2019 21:45

I know it’s not right but I’ve no other options at the moment call Women's Aid

FizzyGreenWater · 29/09/2019 21:46

Go.

Then put some serious thought into leaving this prick.

Do you want your kids to grow up living this nonsense? You're not allowed to do things? Fuck that.

You've got one life, don't waste it being dictated to by a jumped up little turd!

Nicknacky · 29/09/2019 21:46

Are you “allowed “ to go out with friends for a evening? What does he do if you do that?

eddielizzard · 29/09/2019 21:50

What? He's made your house your prison. You're an adult, you don't need his permission.

katewhinesalot · 29/09/2019 21:51

This is just the tip of the iceberg isn't it. Take the two weeks to leave him.

myidentitymycrisis · 29/09/2019 21:52

why don't you and the kids go away to your parents for the 2 weeks.
Then don't come back.

Duck90 · 29/09/2019 21:53

Keeping you on a short leash, sounds like on his weekends away he is not acting like a married man. Hence, he is pre judging you on his own behaviours. Only an untrustworthy person would behave like this? Unless, you once cheated on him?

Verily1 · 29/09/2019 21:55

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BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/09/2019 21:56

I couldn't be in this marriage.

Littlechocola · 29/09/2019 21:56

He sounds like my ex.

I went away and haven’t been back for 7 years Wink

wavecatcher · 29/09/2019 21:57

This is the saddest thing I've read in ages. A grown woman is "not allowed" to go and have some time with her friends. Bloody hell your being controlled and basically imprisoned in your home. Imagine if your children were telling you in the future how their partner was allowed to go off and do various things while they could not. What would your advice to them be? Don't look back with regrets you need to change this situation. If you lied and he found out what would he do? You are you going to wait until your children are adults to be free to make your own decisions? He is a nasty controlling ass!

AreWeAnywhereNear · 29/09/2019 21:57

OP you only get one life, you're only living half of it. Why should you 'D'H get to decide what you do, marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship.

LemonPrism · 29/09/2019 22:01

He sounds like an arse. No way would my husband be able to control me like that. Do it, enjoy your night, leave him when he gets back

BenWillbondsPants · 29/09/2019 22:01

OP, are you happy with this situation? Do you want to be with someone who tells you what to do?

Lulualla · 29/09/2019 22:02

Um. This overnight is a bit of a red herring.

You have a problem. A big one. While your husband is away, you need to pack up and go to your parents with the kids. Then do everything else through solicitors. He is an abusive husband. Leave.

C8H10N4O2 · 29/09/2019 22:02

I’m not allowed to go away for the night

WTF?

For nearly 10 yrs you have not been able to go out late without hassle or away for a night? That's a much bigger problem than your parents looking after the DC for one night.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 29/09/2019 22:04

You will be "away" from him anyway because he will not be in the place that you are. So what's the difference in you being "away" someplace else.

Something to consider is a guilty conscience often judges everybody else by their standards. It sounds like he doesn't like you being away from him or out late because you're likely to cheat on him because he cheats on you. He does it so he assumes you will too.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 29/09/2019 22:07

This is controlling and abusive. I'd be using the time and energy to work out how to leave. Seriously. If you stay you are teaching your kids that this is what a relationship is - the man doing whatever he wants and being so unreasonably badly behaved that the woman has to stay in the house permanently. If you have sons they will behave like him. If you have daughters they will marry someone like him. Seriously can you really imagine never going out for a late night or spending a night without the kids for the rest of your life?

Collision · 29/09/2019 22:08

Just book it and go.

Countryescape · 29/09/2019 22:10

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Outsomnia · 29/09/2019 22:10

How would he know where you are, unless he has a tracker on your phone? He will be abroad I think you mentioned that.

I know this is difficult for you OP, but I go away regularly without DH, and it is never an issue at all.

Sorry, I could not live like that. Time to think about things my love. And it cannot be easy either. I know that.