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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

AIBU to not tell dh im going away for a night?

331 replies

Cherriesandroses · 29/09/2019 21:27

My dc are 9 and 3 and I haven’t had a night away from them since they’ve been born. I’ve had evenings out with friends but not a night away.
Two of my best friends have been talking about having a night away in a city, maybe seeing a show and I want to go but I know dh wouldn’t ever agree to it.
He’s away on business for a fortnight in November and I’m tempted to leave the children with my parents for a night (they’d have them happily) and go and not tell him.

Wibu? I guess if he found out afterwards he’d be livid.

OP posts:
ThatCurlyGirl · 02/10/2019 15:31

Thank you for sharing that info @HebeMumsnet - those links are fab.

Hope you're OK @Cherriesandroses Thanks

wishywashy6 · 02/10/2019 17:09

This reply has been deleted

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ThatCurlyGirl · 02/10/2019 17:34

@wishywashy6

Of course she is scared, she's being abused!

Please please can you take a look at the post a couple prior to yours from @HebeMumsnet and try to see that being accusatory and victim blaming is not constructive and will do more damage than good?

I've never seen a more explicit example of victim blaming than:

"You're allowing him to control you by being this way."

Sorry OP.

donethinkin · 02/10/2019 17:45

OP how do you get money to buy things? Do you have somewhere you could stay? If it was me, I’d wait until he was gone on business and move into parents/friends. Could you do that? Imagine having your own house, your own money and every other weekend off when he has the kids when you can do and go wherever you want. This is no life. No money and asking to go out! That’s not ok. That’s not normal. It’s abuse. You need to get out. Do you have somewhere else to go?

combatbarbie · 02/10/2019 17:52

Op you have far bigger issues than "asking" permission to go away with friends 😳

I would be telling him in general conversation that you are going, but not mention the date.... When he says no, then get your big girl knickers on and say unless you can justify why it's OK for you but not me then this conversation is over. I have arranged suitable childcare etc.

ThatCurlyGirl · 02/10/2019 17:57

I'm bowing out but OP please do know that there are many of us who are finding the victim blaming on this thread upsetting and we hope you are ok and not being made to feel even worse. Thinking of you Thanks

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