Is this rape?

[bumbleboots]

Met a guy on tinder.
Arranged to meet for a late drink.
Got on well.
There seemed to be chemistry.
Both recent break ups after 4 year plus long relationship.
On the rebound
Agree to have sex.
Go back to his hotel.
Kissing. Fingering (sorry) etc.
He then penetrated me without a condom.
I said "no, you need a condom"
He carries on.
I make to move myself away.
He won't let go.
I said "no you need a condom"
He holds me down and cums inside me.
I am shocked
Feel ridiculously stupid
I put myself in a bad position
I say nothing
Get dressed
Go home
In shock
He unmatched me on tinder
I am covered in his cum
I feel disgusting
In shock
Feel stupid

@Huskylover1 - seriously! She consented to sex but that doesn't give him free reign to do then whatever he wants, she said no to sex without condom and he did it anyway and held her down - how is that in anyway ok?!

Sending you positive vibes, hope they can arrest him before he leaves the country!

Fuck off husky. Find somewhere other than a rape victim's thread to clutch your pearls on. Inappropriate dickhead.

Hope you are ok. Regardless of initial consent to have sex you did not agree to unprotected sex, and you even voiced that on more than occasion. You must be in shock, what an awful situation to find yourself in. There is nothing wrong with casual sex if that is what you are comfortable with but I hope this experience will make you more aware of self protection, especially as you say you have been raped before. Please make sure get the emotional help you need and get an STI check, even if you don't go to police. If you are still swaying on weather to go to police, please think of other victims that could be spared. It would be a very courageous thing to do coming forward, but understandable if you cannot do it.

That's a lot to put on the OP's shoulders, SA. Really not fair.

@bumbleboots I'm so sorry this has happened to you I hope the police will be helpful and sensitive, as a hcp that has been involved in looking after women following rape and sexual assault I have found the police involved to be kind and non-judgmental. I worked in A&E for many years and we stocked PEP drugs so please ask the police staff that deal with you about this and if they can't supply it then please attend your local A&E and ask for PEP.

Good luck with the police OP! Keep strong!

Good luck with the police💐

Good luck op you have done the right thing I hope the police can act before he leaves the country!

Good luck OP, you're doing the right thing. @Huskylover1 the OP has already said she knows she put herself in a bad position so fuck off with trying to shame her. Views like yours are why rape victims don't report it.

All the handholds and good luck vibes in the world here, OP. I hope it all goes ok with the police.

Just a thought, but he might not have been telling you the truth about leaving the country today - that might have been his way of avoiding questions about whether you would see him again, or even making you feel like it wouldn't be worth reporting him.

And it's not your responsibility to "stop him from doing this to another woman". That's all on him. Please don't feel like you have anything to do with what this rapist chooses to do.

Another person highlighting the importance of getting PEP. Its really really important.

Hope it all goes well with the police.

OP I just wanted to say I think you're really brave. I hope everything goes well with the police and you can get the support you need. What a bastard.

I'm so sorry this happened to you OP. It was absolutely rape and I hope that he is punished for it. You did nothing wrong. I hope that it goes as well as possible at the police station. Thinking of you

Good luck

Thinking of you bumbleboots

Sending you all the strength in the world op. Hope they get him.

This is absolutely terrible.
This happened to me apart from the condom part. It is really , really difficult to be in shock and make logical decisions.
Everyone saying go to the police or rape crisis it is way harder than you can imagine as it is beyond terrifying.
If you can get the courage to speak to the rape crisis team you will get support and help you need.
I am so sorry x

What a shitty thing to have done to someone, sending you brave vibes for getting through the next bit @bumbleboots

I'm at the police station. It's a stress. I feel proper stupid. Everyone seems so clumsy and inappropriate. I don't mean to sound ungrateful. We have a great police force but its almost a second ordeal when you are reeling from the first. I feel messed up and in shock still. It wasn't even a violent or attacking incident. Horrible but mundane compared to the 'idea' of a rape if you see what I mean. There must be so many unresolved unreported rapes due to extreme trauma and violence.

There was violence in the way he held you down, and there was an element of attack in the way he used his superior physical strength against you. Please don't feel like your rape was somehow lesser than others because he didn't hit you. But yes, I imagine many rapes go unreported because tge victims are too traumatised to go to anyone. I am sure, also, that many rapes like yours go unreported because the victims think it wasn't really rape, or it wasn't that bad.

True

Please report him. Don't let anyone else be in this position!

OP you are being so strong. Take care of yourself. I hope you will be home soon

You are very brave, OP. The original trauma was bad enough. It must be very difficult to have to go through it all again at the police station. They should have a rape team there who are well trained and will take good care of you.
Please take up any offers of counselling. This is not something you need to be dealing with alone. I hope you have someone in your life you can be supportive.
Please keep posting here for support x