Is this rape?

[bumbleboots]

Met a guy on tinder.
Arranged to meet for a late drink.
Got on well.
There seemed to be chemistry.
Both recent break ups after 4 year plus long relationship.
On the rebound
Agree to have sex.
Go back to his hotel.
Kissing. Fingering (sorry) etc.
He then penetrated me without a condom.
I said "no, you need a condom"
He carries on.
I make to move myself away.
He won't let go.
I said "no you need a condom"
He holds me down and cums inside me.
I am shocked
Feel ridiculously stupid
I put myself in a bad position
I say nothing
Get dressed
Go home
In shock
He unmatched me on tinder
I am covered in his cum
I feel disgusting
In shock
Feel stupid

OP pls call the police- also aren’t there pills you can take within a certain amount of time after unprotected sex to prevent against HIV (sorry my knowledge is sparse) - but you need help from professionals!
You did nothing wrong, you’ve been violated now you need to look after yourself

OP, i hope you're still reading. You have done NOTHING wrong. You were raped, by a rapist who has probably done this to women before, and will almost certainly go on to do it again.

I am so sorry, and i hope you are ok. Please phone the police if you can possibly bring yourself to do so, or Rape Crisis. A family member was raped by an acquaintance, and the police were brilliant with her. Whatever you decide to do, please be safe.

@Huskylover1

I've reported your horrible victim blaming post. Shame on you.

@Huskylover1

I've reported your post. Incredibly unhelpful go the OP, and not the time to give your views on the dos and don'ts of dating.

Do what @Springfern says, please! I’m sorry this has happened to you. Men like this do it again.

I'm sorry but being held down and forced to have sex when you said no, is rape regardless of the circumstances.

Don't listen to husky OP, listen to the multiple posts from sensible people.

Huskylover1, you're out of order. There is a time and a place for lectures about safe behaviour, and on a distressed victim's thread is NOT IT.

Does the country he is flying off to have any sort of reciprocal arrangement with the UK for apprehending people who have committed crimes?

@Huskylover1
She consented to safe sex. She did not consent to unsafe sex. He has put her at risk of pregnancy and disease. She said stop. He didn’t. That’s rape.

@Huskylover1 I’ve also reported your post. She consented to sex with a condom and she withdrew consent. This is her right and the rapist is totally in the wrong. You’re obviously very out of touch but there’s no reason for men to just do whatever they like without consequences. You are vulnerable whenever you have sex and most rapes are by someone you know so you’re talking out of your arse anyway. By your logic we should never be alone with any man.

OP I hope you are ok. If you wanted to report this it sounds like the evidence is there but you do need to do what is right for you. Can you talk to someone? Rape crisis might be a good shout ?

Yes, it was. I'm so sorry.

You can go to a Sexual Assault Referral Centre without needing to involve the police. They will help you.

www.thesurvivorstrust.org/sarc

"I'm not victim-blaming" - repeats victim-blaming assertion

OP, , if you have the strength, get him arrested before he leaves the country. That'll fuck his plans, for one (initially, at least.) Then get yourself to a hospital for PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis) and contact SARC.
I know it's a bombardment but you want him arrested before he leaves as it'll be harder once he has departed.

Hi @bumbleboots so sorry this has happened to you, and it was very very wrong of him. Is there anyone you can call to be with you - friend/family? You might find real life support really helpful.

As already mentioned, you could call the Rape Crisis freephone helpline
tel: 0808 802 9999 12-2.30pm and 7-9.30pm every day of the year. They will listen and offer support and advice in a totally non judgemental way. You will not be forced to do anything. Here’s a link with other suggestions, including finding your nearest sexual assault referral centre www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/

Whilst you do not have to do anything you don’t want to, there are some things you should consider for your own health.
If you are not currently taking contraception, you can get the morning after pill from chemists, A&E, GUM clinics etc more info here www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/emergency-contraception/

Then there are potential STIs. As @OnlyFoolsnMothers mentioned, PEP can be taken (best within 24 hrs but up to 72 hrs after) to protect against contracting HIV - especially indicated when having unprotected intercourse with people from certain countries where it is prevalent. There is an assessment tool and other detail here
www.tht.org.uk/PEP-tool
Testing for other STIs can be done in due course.

Sorry if this in information overload, but you do have choices here. Take care

I puked for two hours.
Called rape referral haven people whose only open office was in the area I got raped in. They were difficult and unorganised. I left the house tried to walk to police station. Couldn't.
Couldn't get a taxi. Returned home. Called rape referral again. They explained it would take 3 hours to do forensics. They said that police would be better.
Couldn't get through to police on 101. Left on hold. Being stupid and couldn't make myself call 999. Bit of a nightmare to be honest. I was in shock I think. It was too hard for me under duress.

I haven't had a bath. Off to police station now.

Strength to you, OP.

OP take your time. You are doing so well. All strength and respect to you for doing this. If you find it difficult to talk, take a screenshot of your first post on here to show.

Also, seriously huskylover, really? I'm aware it's not the brightest move and I conveyed the shame and regret but that doesn't mean he had the right to HOLD ME DOWN and violate my trust and body. What is wrong with you. I'm distressed. Calling on the good will of strangers who overall have been amazing and very helpful. You are horrible. Shame on you.

@Huskylover1 do you understand what the definition of rape is? It matters not if the person is known to you or not. She said NO.

The OP asked a simple question. There is a simple answer, which is yes, this was rape. Less judgement, more support needed!

Actually it sounds like your effort at victim blaming has helped the OP in a weird way, seeing her last post 💪💪💪

Well done OP. You are incredible and so so strong. Whatever happens, the number one piece of advice you should take off here is not to listen to a word huskylover says. You did nothing wrong, you trusted a man who seemed nice (like all of us have done at some point!) you had no idea what he would do. He probably did a very good job of appearing nice and getting you to trust him, men like that always know how to deceive and manipulate. The blame is all his. Good luck at the police station

You haven't dive anything wrong here. Yes he raped you. Hope you can get some support.

I’m so sorry OP, I have no advice but I wish all the best for you.