Is this rape?

[bumbleboots]

Met a guy on tinder.
Arranged to meet for a late drink.
Got on well.
There seemed to be chemistry.
Both recent break ups after 4 year plus long relationship.
On the rebound
Agree to have sex.
Go back to his hotel.
Kissing. Fingering (sorry) etc.
He then penetrated me without a condom.
I said "no, you need a condom"
He carries on.
I make to move myself away.
He won't let go.
I said "no you need a condom"
He holds me down and cums inside me.
I am shocked
Feel ridiculously stupid
I put myself in a bad position
I say nothing
Get dressed
Go home
In shock
He unmatched me on tinder
I am covered in his cum
I feel disgusting
In shock
Feel stupid

*who can be

Stay strong OP none of this is your fault 💐

Yes rape and go to the police un washed as someone has said.
So sorry you went through this.

Good God. @huskylover

YOUR handle brings things to my mind. Tell me, do you gave the matching tattoos you piece of filth?

Fucking shame on you.

OP. I know what you're going through and you're being incredibly brave. I will caution you, we have decriminalised rape in this country. Rape is out of control as is DA and DV.

Police are doing fuck all.

We are led into this narrative where we are told, report. All it does is further add to our trauma.

I reported both of my rapes to the police. The DV unit called me to ask what my action would be regarding prosecution. I said I wasnt going ahead due to the fact that 1 in 58 rapes reported to the police are greenlit by the CPS for prosecution.

Even when a rape does get to court often the survivors, even if they win, wish they hadn't done it. Read the Secret Barrister.

Its sick.

The DC in the DV unit implied that my mental health wouldn't stand a prosecution. Now that may or may not be true. But it's still MY choice if I choose to proceed.

I told him, clearly, that the reason I'm not progressing is because there is simply no point. He then tried to wrangle that Oh, they could proceed and it is my choice.

Outraged at this narc double speak. Which one IS it, cunt?

I again, firmly but calmly asserted I wouldn't be proceeding because I dont want to waste your time, the tax payers money and MY time.

I put the phone down and that was that.

Lovely OP. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. . You didnt deserve this and you did nothing wrong. I'm giving you a big unmumsnetty hug right now.

Sex, lovemaking, is probably what defines us as homo sapiens. To violate another's body is such a crime. I cannot even begin to say. It's not only a physical crime, it is a spiritual one.

Again to paraphrase from the Secret Barrister, ' You want justice? No, on this plane you get the Law' And the Law is blind. Justice is not blind.

It's no surprise hes left the country. That happened to me too. Hed planned it. I'm so very sorry x

I ask myself, how can I help you? I'm not sure but I am here. Keep talking and bless you, dear lady x

Will you not just fuck off Husky?!!

Hope it's going ok OP. If you're finding it difficult you can ask for an ISVA (independant sexual violence advocate) -basically a badass professionally trained woman who is there for you throughout the criminal process. She'll hand hold, explain all the processes to you, chase the police up and call them out when needed. Not many people know about them but really worth having

Sagradafamiliar So eloquent.

@Huskylover1 I repeat.....do you understand what the definition of rape is? It matters not if the person is known to you or not. She said NO.

The OP asked a simple question. There is a simple answer, which is yes, this was rape. Less judgement, more support needed!

You are very selective in your replies! We've all done things that aren't smart. Pointing them out to someone who already knows this is not helpful.

Ffs I've been in loads of hotel rooms with strangers, I've never been raped by them. This is not the op's fault. It is the fault of the rapist.

@doglover

AKA Husky.

What you have just written in your last post sounds reasonable.

However, MN mods would NOT have deleted it if it wasnt objectionable.

Ipso factor, you are a liar.

Others are getting very angry with you, as am I.

Dont troll a woman who has been brutally raped. Really now, fuck off. Leave this thread alone.

Look up the tattoos. Go on, sure you are cognoscenti enough to do that.

You might want the husky to disengage first.

And quite so @Chupchup

Ipso factor, you are a liar What have I lied about?

I think some of you need to grow up.

You must be more careful in future which I'm sure you know

You are not allowed to say this Rachel. This was really my point (which was deleted). I also admitted to placing myself in similar dangerous positions, and highlighted why it isn't a good idea to do so.

Didn't say anything horrible, but I've been told to fuck off. By people who didn't even read my post (because it isn't there anymore), but who like to jump onto the school playground bullying bandwagon.

Thankfully I have stuff to do, and won't be back to this thread to read any more drivel.

Drivel??? Ffs
Husky ,a woman,one of us ,is at a police station right now after being raped...she came on here for support ...don’t make this thread all about you .
It’s not drivel ,it’s women supporting women.

Op we are all here for you ,thinking of you ,proud of you for being brave in going to the police .

@bumbleboots you are such a champion to report this. Thank you for trying to stop him.

Of all the threads on MN to disrupt Huskylover1 you've probably picked the one where your disruption is likely to cause the most harm.

@Huskylover1 stop saying that she shouldn’t have been alone with him. You’re blaming her when she specifically said NO.

So if your daughter is walking home late one night and takes a short cut down a dark alley and a man rapes her are you going to say “Oh well, you should have stuck to the main road because men have no control and will rape you any chance they get?”

You’re victim blaming.

Loads of people use dating sites and apps and meet men they’ve been talking to. It doesn’t give the man the right to rape her.

Thankfully I have stuff to do, and won't be back to this thread to read any more drivel.

Thank you - perhaps best left to those who want to support rather than criticise/make unhelpful points the OP is already aware of

@bumbleboots I hope you can ignore the derail by a very unkind person who, I am afraid, I have seen being unkind to other women on other threads. The rest of us are with you and keen to know if you're ok. Are you still at the police station? Hope they've given you some places to go for support in the meantime. Reporting rape is such a big deal, let alone dealing with the aftermath of the rape itself.

14:07Rachelover60 wft! who the fuck do you think you are telling the OP she must be more careful!

OP really hope they're treating you well at the station, my heart goes out to you.

This was definitely rape.

Hi OP, I'm so sorry this has happened to you! You're being amazingly strong. The police station sounds traumatic but you're absolutely doing the right thing. I'm so sorry

This image below has been doing the rounds on social media this last week. Having seen some PP comments (fortunately a minority) I thought it was worth placing here as a reminder that WOMEN ARE NOT AT FAULT for men sexually assaulting or raping them.