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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex boyfriend is really distressed

203 replies

HelpHelpHelpHelp1 · 28/09/2019 22:36

Hello!
We're both 25.
I broke up with him over long distance at the start of the year and i'm with someone new and have been with him for about 2 months.. ex and I were together 5 years.

Ex has come home from travels.
He came home this week. He is texting me asking me to meet up and speak to him. I've refused. He's texting me saying how much he loves me and wants closure.
I had a phone call with him tonight to try and give him that closure, He was begging me to come see him, said he was parked around the corner from my house, started crying, said he'd had suicidal thoughts.

I told him i'm with someone else and he said "all couples go through hard times, we can get through this.

I ended up ending the call because i got overwhelmed.
He messaged me saying he was still around the corner of my house and i can come sit with him in the car - i refused.
He's texting saying i'm the love of his life and he just wants to soeak to me for 5 minutes then he's out of my life.
He's texting me memories we've had together and how he's never going to be with anyone else again, how i'm the love of his life.

I was going to block his number until he brought up the suicidal thoughts!
I've text his mum to say i'm worried,
But i dont know what to do!!

OP posts:
BentlyandPalmers · 29/09/2019 12:11

That should say..

If you say one thing out of turn, they can prosecute

Aquamarine1029 · 29/09/2019 12:16

Stop playing along with his stupid games and block him. If you see him outside your home, call the police.

Original poster
HelpHelpHelpHelp1 · 29/09/2019 12:21

What do you mean if i say one thing out of turn, they can prosecute?

OP posts:
Topseyt · 29/09/2019 12:23

Blocking him and reporting his harassment of you to the police should give him the closure he craves.

You need to report this to the police anyway. Do it now on 101. He is potentially just starting to stalk you, especially as he now knows that you are in a new relationship. Dangerous and creepy.

Keep the texts and let the police see them if needed. Protect yourself and take their advice on how to stay safe.

Block him too on all social media. Make sure that all of your privacy settings are on the highest most locked down level. Look out for any unknowns trying to friend you after that, in case he sets up false or multiple accounts to try and trick you into accepting him again.

BentlyandPalmers · 29/09/2019 12:29

This reply has been deleted

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Topseyt · 29/09/2019 12:30

You won't be prosecuted. That is bollocks. You are a potential victim of a stalker and you won't be the first ever to have been tricked into responding.

Just block him now, engage no further with him and report to the police. Then take any advice they give you. After that you will have done all you can, and if he turns up at your house or place of work then you call them again to come and deal with him.

yorkshirecountrylass · 29/09/2019 12:31

I'd echo the other posters OP, report your concern via 101 - he's initiated contact again today and will continue to do so. Send him one message - "I am not going to meet you. I have moved on. Do not contact or approach me, either in person or via any other form of communication again, or I will have no choice than to seek advice from police as to harassment. Goodbye." Then hit block on everything. You're doing a great job OP, he has had opportunity to come home sooner and speak to you. He doesn't get to decide that now his Mum won't have him and his life has become humdrum that suddenly you're the love of his life, he's had a reality check that he doesn't like!

BentlyandPalmers · 29/09/2019 12:31

Sorry for typos, am typing quickly.
You have published this stuff to the world but not told the police. Why?

Original poster
HelpHelpHelpHelp1 · 29/09/2019 12:32

@BentlyandPalmers i'm sorry but i am completely dismissing what you are saying.
No way is anybody making me feel responsibile for his thoughts. I have not mentioned here that i am texting him back constantly or "goading" him (That's a sick thing to accuse somebody of!! I would never encourage that).

OP posts:
BentlyandPalmers · 29/09/2019 12:32

This reply has been deleted

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BentlyandPalmers · 29/09/2019 12:33

Where is his car? I’ll report him

Sagradafamiliar · 29/09/2019 12:34

He was playing for time, not threatening suicide. The 'just 5 minutes' thing then 'being gone' was a ploy to give him '5 minutes' when in reality if you'd have gone he'd have tried to engage you for much longer and grind you down into agreeing resuming the relationship with him.

readitandwept · 29/09/2019 12:35

I wondered when the next dramatic instalment of this saga would be.

Bottom line is, if you're genuinely concerned that he's suicidal, you report that. End of.

Sagradafamiliar · 29/09/2019 12:36

Ignore the PP. She's either wilfully telling you a pack of lies or has read a recent American news article and completely misconstrued it.

BentlyandPalmers · 29/09/2019 12:36

Sagradafamiliar The OP says in her first post that he told her he had suicidal thoughts. That was over 12 hours ago and she’s done nothing about it.

Topseyt · 29/09/2019 12:38

Bentley, yes it is bollocks.

OP reported what he said to his family. If she now blocks him and reports to the police she will not be prosecuted.

She has committed no crime and is not responsible for this twat's thoughts and actions. She isn't the first to not have known how to deal with this sort of thing and to have been drawn into responding. She won't be the last. She is right to dismiss what you say.

She MUST block him everywhere and report everything to the police.

Sagradafamiliar · 29/09/2019 12:38

She clarified that she'd asked him where he would be after the 5 minute chat and he said 'gone'. Please stop trying to blackmail the OP. She has not goaded her ex in any way shape or form, including according to any laws in this country. Get a grip.

Original poster
HelpHelpHelpHelp1 · 29/09/2019 12:38

I got in touch with his mum last night who is getting his sister to speak to him (so yes i have done something)

OP posts:
BentlyandPalmers · 29/09/2019 12:40

But she hasn’t blocked. She’s asking him what he means by never see her again.

Sagradafamiliar · 29/09/2019 12:44

She asked him during the phone conversation last night. It makes no odds to the ex whether she blocked him this morning or whether she blocks him tonight or next week as long as she isn't engaging with him in this nonsense.

Original poster
HelpHelpHelpHelp1 · 29/09/2019 12:45

@BentlyandPalmers
That was said over phone call (the phone call i said at the start of the threat when he asked for closure via phone call),
I then told him i'm going to hang up because i'm getting overwhelmed and proceeded to text his mum to share my concerns,
She responsed back saying that she hasnt seen him much since he'a been home but she'll get his sister to speak to him and won't mention my name.
He is very close to his sister

OP posts:
Original poster
HelpHelpHelpHelp1 · 29/09/2019 12:47

And as mentioned before, i didnt block him last night because i have never been in this situation so wanted some advice on the best way of dealing with it.
I am 100% not goading. And that's all i'm going to say about that situation

OP posts:
Original poster
HelpHelpHelpHelp1 · 29/09/2019 12:47

*thread not threat

OP posts:
TheAlternativeTentacle · 29/09/2019 12:47

OP.

Have you blocked him now?

You need to disengage. Block him on every portal; and block everyone who is tasked with contacting you about him.

You ended it months ago.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 29/09/2019 12:52

He’s trying to emotionally manipulate with the suicide threats. You’ve told his family, let them deal with it.

Send him a message stating that any further contact, sitting outside your house etc is unwelcome and will be deemed as harassment and you will contact the police. Then block him on absolutely everything.