Break up support thread 3

[herbsmokedchicken]

We’re all still here...

@PuffinSock no not at all, last time was in august after he posted some tickets through my door but didn't knock or anything (I was in). He's happy now with her i guess so he won't be thinking about me at all. Maybe the same will happen but I doubt it, i really think he's probably found someone he wants to be with forever 🤷🏻‍♀️ so I have to take this assumption and get on with my life. I'm in no way ready for anything else, not at all at that stage, but at least if I can keep telling myself there's absolutely no chance he will be back or contact me again then it'll be easier.

Still here. Feeling very down today.

It is so so hard to walk away when you still have feelings! I had a dream about him last night so had a bit of a wobble but overall not too bad.

@Jonsnowsghost I hope you have a fantastic weekend. He is a fucking arsehole and he will get what's coming to him - you know that. So believe it. 💜

@PuffinSock well done for blocking!!! So freeing. They will all be miserable at Christmas without us and we will be having a blast!

@BrokenHeartedAndBruised you are doing so fantastic, it's a long bloody journey and one I'm still nowhere near the end of but we can do it. We're all here.

@Notcoolmum how are things going with your situation? Sorry I've had a scroll but there's so much going on here! Hope you're okay and still feeling strong.

It's okay we're not ready for anything else like I probably won't be for about a whole year or maybe even longer. And I think @PuffinSock is right in saying that they will message when we least expect it. That's why I've blocked on everything except texts, and I've muted his notifications so it can't catch me at a bad time. We might wobble but we need to work on ourselves first - anything in the future is a longggg way off

Thank you @TinselAndKnickers :)

Xdp trip has gone tips up and theyve messed him around so he is not gonna be able to do the activity he actually was planning on doing (the reason he went there). the whole point of this trip was for him to have a break and do something nice for himself and now he is dealing with stress and cancellations and bollocks so any hope i had that he would come back more chilled and open are out the window... (i do think karma might also have been involved a bit) ha! But it doenst make me feel any better.
Hope you all have a decent saturday!

I'm a bit floored today. Just mostly angry and hurt still feeling the loss

Dropping kids to dads , im going to have the first night alone "alone" in years. Feeling so bad....

speaking to my ex tomorrow morning, no idea what's going to happen. Been reading up on BPD and it fits my ex to a tee.

I've been a "therapist" to exes in the past and I just feel exhausted. I hate being painted as the bad guy.

@BrokenHeartedAndBruised @TinselAndKnickers @Startingoveragain1 I hope you start feeling a little bit better today. It's a rainy dreary day so whack the heating on, get comfy on the sofa and watch some (light hearted) films if you get the chance. I have started telling myself when I am sad that the anger that comes after will be twice as powerful

Joining the ‘I had a dream about my ex last night’ club. We were at his grandparents house where we used to go stay to go walking and I was having to pack up all my belongings because I knew I was never going back.

Had loads of happy memories there 😕

He has just called me to aee what im planning on doing by myself today. Said it will be strange to be alone tonight wont it? First time in ages. Superficial chit chat and now im a shopping centre crying. Ffs. All these stupid couples shopping together. Im gonna become well spiteful lol

Recommend wine and he's just not that into you on Netflix for those of you feeling down today 👍 sorry for those of us having a bad day I'm sure this miserable weather doesn't help our mood. Remember to be kind to yourself.

I'm ok thanks. Housework. Seeing friends. I'm meeting my ex this week for a chat. I don't think there is a way back but I'm open to talking to him.

Hey ladies, how is everyone? I feel like I've been hit by a bus today. I can't shake it. It's been 5 days no contact and he doesn't give a shit. It's his 'free' weekend so I can quite imagine he's got a dirty weekend planned with the new woman in his life. It hurts so much. I wish I wasn't bothered, I know it doesn't work and I know he's a prick but I can't get my head around 7 years just meaning nothing and him being able to hook up with someone litrally 2 weeks later and just not caring or feeling anything for me. I want to know he's hurting, I want to know he's obsessing over everything like I am. I just want to switch off and curl up in a ball and cry but I can't, I've got a little girl who needs and wants my attention and I just feel fucked today 😭

Feeling the same as you @Dorri82, been a bit teary today, although we weren't together as long I don't understand how he could just leave for someone he'd literally just met. Ah well. Curled up on the sofa with a chocolate orange and my cat will have to do. I wonder if he misses my cat, he's a great cat 😅

Im hooked to lifetime thrillers (theyre quite catchy once you get into them!) Getting ready for a take away and night of movie watching with a nice glass of wine (or a few!) Hope you ladies manage to get some decent time this evening.

@jonsnowghost i have my dogs right next to me too! Nothing like a nice pet, im gonna be a dog lady, no men, just dogs, lots of them. 😅

I was already in crazy cat lady territory before i met him so may as well slot right back into it!!

He has been texting and sendin videos non stop. Ive been a fuckin mess. Now he says he is never gonna travel without me ever again and he misses me. What the actual fuck!!!! Is it for real? Or is it the beers hes had? I dont wanna get too happy... what a mind fuck

Haha @startingoveragain1 and @Jonsnowsghost I spent the evening eating a pizza I bought in m&s, chocolate and watching a film with my cat it was a good evening, I miss sleeping next to ex but kind of used to it now, it's sad. I'm trying to find someone on dating but no luck yet, I probably need to put more effort in.

I spent my evening seeing Cher and I really really loved it - most of her lyrics were so relatable to the situation!!

Everyone go and listen to All or Nothing!!! Amazing

@Startingoveragain1 he sounds like a real headfuck. I'd try and have your guard well and truly up until he is being a bit more consistent.

Feeling a bit down today. Not about the ex per se. I just feel a bit lonely and I'm sad about the prospect of never finding someone to spend my life with.

@notcoolmum sorry to hear youre having a bad day today. I think those feelings and fears are part of the process.... in a year , you could well look back at today feeling happy to be by yourself or loved up with the love of your life. Doesn't make the bad days better... i know...
So, he is due back home in a couple of hours, i actually dont know where im at. Like silly things lile can i hug him? I dont know. Since he was saying lets be friends and do stuff together, is that what he means? Im fucking confused and if i bring the conversation up he is gonna get stressed out, may not be the best idea just yet as he is feeling a but more positive... Do i carry on supporting him as his friend? For how long? Did he mean he wants to stay? I desperately need some affection. Im wreckin ma head!!!😑

@Notcoolmum it's a horrible feeling isn't it! Rationally though of course you will. Probably when you least expect it. I'm staying clear of OLD for a while. It just brings home how crap it is out there. I just want to get to a point where I'm naturally happy by myself before I even consider letting anyone else in.
Feeling a little better than yesterday. I keep telling myself it's only feelings that are holding me back and making me feel shit, and if nothing else I can at least try and control those.
I'm thinking about counselling, it's just the expense of it though but I'll make some enquiries. It's an ongoing pattern for me and my relationships/endings and I recognise it. I just need the support in moving forward with letting go of toxic people and building healthy relationships

@startingoveragain1 you must be so confused. I think you need to stop worrying about him feeling stressed out etc and start putting yourself first. It sounds like you've bent over backwards for him and his feelings. What have you been given? Let him get in and sorted and then sit down and have a direct and assertive conversation with him. You can't be left wondering what the hell is going on, it's not fair on you. And remember the ball isn't all in his court! You've got to decide whether you want to be made to feel like this everytime he has a wobble. If he still can't decide what he wants, suggest he leaves for a while. It's cruel to expect you to carry on living with him and being 'friends' while he gets the best of both worlds. He's not being fair or kind. He needs to be upfront and honest with you, and if he can't, then you've got some deciding to do yourself xxx

@dorri82 i know i do... im so scared tbh. Deep down i just want to ignore it all and hope it goes away and we're back to our normal happy selves. I know thats not happenin any time soon if ever... i dont think i have the strength to instigate the conversation in fear of what it may result in which stupid i know...

@Startingoveragain1 completely agree wit @Dorri82 let him worry about himself and you worry about you and your kids. It's. It your job to fix him. I would say calmly to him that you are sad he's not in a good old place and you are so pleased he's going to get help (was it last Thursday he was at the drs, was there a plan from this?). But that his behaviour is impacting you and the kids and you have to protect your own mental health in order to be the best mum you can. Therefore you and him can share a home but you won't be acting as a family until he is a bit clearer is his mind and is a few months into his meds and counselling. You love him but the kids have to come first right now. And you can't put them first whilst you are being treated so inconsistently by him.

Thanks @Dorri82 I've been in my own for almost 10 years. But it's not what I want forever. I'm approaching 50. My kids are growing up. I'd like to see myself with a partner for the next stage of my life. It might not happen and I'll be ok. But it is what I would like.