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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Break up support thread 3

999 replies

herbsmokedchicken · 20/09/2019 21:01

We’re all still here...

OP posts:
Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 24/10/2019 17:09

Awww just randomly gone a bit sad. Hoping it’ll ease again - made me realise how much better I’ve been feeling tho tbf. I still miss him tho. Just seems so unfair that we waited for so long to find each other and then it all went wrong!

OP posts:
Startingoveragain1 · 24/10/2019 17:36

@herbsmokedchicken sorry youre feeling low... Hope the feeling passes soon and doesnt hurry coming back.
Mine has decided against visiting the parents and is on his way back home. Im super confused.

rhubarb39 · 24/10/2019 17:54

Starting I wonder why.. Keep us posted

Petra124 · 24/10/2019 18:21

Was supposed to meet my ex tonight for a chat. Just wanted to get some closure on the relationship and get my head straight. He’s cancelled but said I can text him questions and he’ll answer. I feel so worthless... it’s like those 4 years never even happened, I have no clue who he is now.

Startingoveragain1 · 24/10/2019 19:01

So, he was on his way there and changed his mind he ia not sure why (he cant decide on anything anymore)he told me he didnt know what to do , he thought a few days away might be good but now he cant decide whether to go away for the weekend or to parents or on a 2 day trip somewhere so he is coming home. (He said he felt guilty that he is having mental issues and needs a break but that surely i could do with a break too so it's unfair on me. I just told him im not the one having a break down and he is no good in that state so find something to do to feel better because staying put we're going nowhere and because im alright. I think he is gonna book something to go away for a couple days. We may well never end up together but the poor bastard is going through something and i feel i want to be supportive for as long as it doenst damage me... i feel crap. I just wish he felt better about things soon.

Startingoveragain1 · 24/10/2019 19:06

He needs fucking therapy. I dont know how long i can be left hanging :(

Startingoveragain1 · 24/10/2019 19:59

@petra124 sorry to hear he cancelled last minute. How anticlimatic. Btw the best years of your life are ahead of you, this is a bump on the road. Hugs

Notcoolmum · 24/10/2019 20:07

You are being very sympathetic @Startingoveragain1 if he is having mental issues what help is he getting? Has he seen a dr. Arranged counselling. Got any meds?

Notcoolmum · 24/10/2019 20:10

@Petra124 22 is very young. You certainly have the best years ahead of you. I'm soRey is this is blunt but this man has left you for his ex and then for a new gf and lied to you about it? Is there much more closure you need than that? You are a young woman and you do not have to settle for someone who has treated you like this.

Petra124 · 24/10/2019 20:17

He didn’t leave me for his ex, I was his first girlfriend. I broke things off with him and he met someone else quite quickly. We reconciled for a while and then I found out he was seeing someone new again. He denies she is his girlfriend at all. I know he’s an absolute shit bag, doesn’t mean I can just switch off my emotions. I can’t wait for the day that I can hear his name without wanting to pull out my ear drums

Startingoveragain1 · 24/10/2019 20:24

@notcoolmum he is going gp thursday. Its taken ages for him to admit he is not ok and i think now he can see that... he has never dealt with MH issues (unlike me) so i think he literally has no clue what's hit him.

Notcoolmum · 24/10/2019 20:36

@Petra124 of course I'm not suggesting your can switch off your emotions. I'm just wondering what closure you think is needed. He has shown you who he is by having 2 other relationships and lying to you about one of them. What is it you think he can say that will change this or offer you closure?

Notcoolmum · 24/10/2019 20:37

That's good @Startingoveragain1 remember it's not your job to fix him but it is good he is taking steps to seek help. 🙈

Startingoveragain1 · 24/10/2019 20:45

@notcoolmum yeah i do know... im being as supportive as i can and having my own feelings on check as best i can. He ia gonna have to do the work. Idont know if anything will help. But at least ill have a clear conscience. Im very aware this can all go to shit at any given point. Joke is per his words we're not together anymore. I guess im hoping he gets back to himself and changes his mind, if not... ill be heartbroken but... been there done that... time will heal, hopefully.

Petra124 · 24/10/2019 20:46

I think I’m just hanging on to the person he was... he’s now blocked me on messenger so I guess that’s my closure. I think the worst part was that I was hanging on to all of the nice things he used to say and do, him blocking me has brought all of the shite things back and I feel a renewed sense of fuck you so silver linings lol

Notcoolmum · 24/10/2019 20:52

@Petra124 sorry he blocked you. What a twat. I think it tells you what you need to know about him.

@Startingoveragain1 I don't know how you manage it moving in the same house. I hope you get some you time and time with friends.

Startingoveragain1 · 24/10/2019 21:00

Crap @petra124 but at least thats ur closure, dont give him the satisfaction of trying to reach him again.
@Notcoolmum joke is i have no friends nearby as i have a long commute to work and my friends live a long way away. Ill have Saturday night for myself without kids. I need some ideas on how to treat myself cause i sure deserve it. (He is just about to book his mini trip abroad) if i stopped and think about it id be fuming. Trying to rise above but then no cunt rises above for me. Story of my life. Meh

Startingoveragain1 · 24/10/2019 21:01

He is looking at me while i type wondering who the fuck im messaging... ha!

Startingoveragain1 · 24/10/2019 21:09

Im actually quite pissed off now he has booked it.

Notcoolmum · 24/10/2019 21:40

@Startingoveragain1 he's booked a mini trip abroad? Whaaaat?!

Startingoveragain1 · 24/10/2019 21:46

Lord give me strength. Give me ideas, i need to spend some money treating myself after this. I swear to god i must have a spot in heaven well earned by now. He better feel better and start showing me cause ima lose ma shit otherwise.

Notcoolmum · 24/10/2019 22:02

@Startingoveragain1 mid life crisis? Make sure you get a weekend away whilst he has the kids.

Startingoveragain1 · 24/10/2019 22:08

@Notcoolmum massive mid life crisis. He better be greatful for my fucking understanding because im nearing the end of it. Hope ure alright by the way!

florenceflossie · 24/10/2019 22:23

Hi all, can I join please? I have a thread up on here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3725175-dumped-for-being-a-bitch

It's hard to admit I miss him even though I know everything he's done is nothing to do with me, and it's his faults.

I've done one week no contact and it's been just over one week since we split. Feel on edge waiting for a text about my stuff Sad

Is anyone finding no contact helpful? I feel a bit numb

Rosecat22 · 24/10/2019 23:43

@florenceflossie yes and no re no contact. I have texted my ex a bit as we have to arrange the details of getting our house sorted. Not talking to him feels unnatural and the concept of never talking to him again makes me feel quite sick tbh but it’s probably better to not talk at this stage really.