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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

C and the (non-existent) FB messages

999 replies

JaysusWept · 18/09/2019 09:31

Morning all.
Can't believe the last thread filled up!
Thanks so much to everyone for all of your responses and your support. It really was invaluable to me.

According to K, M and D, they've had no response from C to their messages asking her to explain what has gone on and why she's been lying. She's seen the messages, but hasn't replied to any of them. I ended up muting my WA chat last night because it was buzzing constantly Hmm Did make me wonder if the chat I was exluded from was as busy...

L has told M that she'd believed C, can't believe she would lie about something as serious as this (nothing about not believing I would do such a thing!) and that she needs to hear what C has to say about it. She hasn't attempted to contact me, and I don't want her to. That friendship is over.

I'm wondering what C will come back with now. Part of me thinks she'll just freeze K, M and D out and not even bother to give an explanation, because how could she explain it?
I'm just so relieved that that's it now - they know I wasn't lying. Although I intend to stay friends with K, M and D, I think my friendship with them will cool slightly. They didn't support me when I needed it, and from their responses/reactions, I'm guessing that they were similarly as gossipy and 'excited' with C and L when this was all going on. I'd hoped they were trying not to take sides, etc - but the way they seem to be almost revelling in this now, with the amount of messaging and speculation - I'm guessing they were speculating about me this way?
It's left a bad taste in my mouth.

OP posts:
BelleSausage · 21/09/2019 16:46

Well, they are cunts.

So you are better off without them.

I know it’s hard but the silver lining is that they have shown their true colours before you put any more effort into the relationships.

Fuck them.

magoria · 21/09/2019 17:02

You can mute the WA chat so you don't get notifications but you haven't looked.

magoria · 21/09/2019 17:02

Although they have made themselves clear so why stay.

DarlingNikita · 21/09/2019 17:06

It'll only be a matter of time before they all fall out too.

I think this too. You're much better than all of them, OP. Fuck em.

Flossdancing · 21/09/2019 17:09

I really thought M would have come through in all this you know. What with her being there with you when you called the H out. I was hoping she would be the one to question C and be on your side. What a stupid cow. Id love to know how Cunty-Caroline has spun this one! What she said to them to turn it around Angry

Tonnerre · 21/09/2019 17:19

It'll only be a matter of time before they all fall out too.

Very true. I get the distinct impression that they're just enjoying the drama, so when you stop providing it they'll end up making their own, inevitably in the form of starting another war against one of the group.

tommyshaircut · 21/09/2019 17:30

I know someone similar. Would be all pally then fall out with people over some imagined slight. Make a big drama out of it on fb, lots of passive aggressive nonsense posts. She would also invite others out and lots of bff posts and pics. Totally ridiculous, then it would all die down so she'd have to start again on someone else and the cycle would repeat. My kids have all left primary now so rarely see her. A lot of people cottoned on to her behaviour after a while, I'm sure the same will happen in your situation op. I was all smiles when I saw my drama queen, she hated that.

Enough101 · 21/09/2019 17:37

Hi OP. I have watched this whole thread unfold. I feel really bad for you that this is happening but it is clear that you are a very decent lady, who has much too much class for this bunch of idiots you have previously called friends. I do not think you need to justify yourself to anyone or protest your innocence to anyone at the school. If people at the school are stupid enough to think your silence means guilt, then they are not people whose opinion would matter to you anyway. There is no more you need to do now except mind yourself and your DD. It's clear to anyone with a brain that C inviting the others round was a panic reaction to make sure they stay on her side. They are nothing more than pawns in her silly game. The truth is already out there and her continuation of this behaviour will let everyone see what a nasty little bastard she is.

I know it's shit and it's not the same, but when I split with my husband, I told one mum at the school in a moment of weakness. What a mistake that was. She told everyone and sided with my ex husband. They have become great friends and she invites him round. That was hard to be sold out like that. However, I have kept my counsel and never said anything to anyone. She tries to speak to me now and i quite literally just walk on by. Not with malice, just complete indifference. And well she knows it. My dismissal of her is obviously not what she was hoping for, she wanted drama. I now hear she is suffering some troubles in her life and I am sure that now she has very little time, if any, to be poking her nose into the breakdown of my marriage. I don't socialise with anyone in the school, I smile at the people I am happy to smile at and I keep myself to myself. This will be you. Rise above it and above them. You are too good for them. Say nothing, dismiss them and go about your business.

You will naturally be very hurt, but this is going to be fine. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. Remove yourself from the situation completely. Personally I would leave the WA group and remove them from Facebook. They're not your friends. But you must do what you want to do and what feels comfortable to you.

Musti · 21/09/2019 17:38

OP they're vile.

A few years ago, a friend got publically slagged off on facebook and whatsapp by another friend. I stuck up for the innocent one and she defriended our whole group. Our kids were close, used to party and go out together etc. Our friends are lovely and we all stand by each other. We all have our faults but we can count on each other. Those vipers aren't friends of yours or each other either and they'll be watching their backs wondering who's next.

SandyGusset · 21/09/2019 17:46

Op - I know it's calming down now - but can you make a new thread before this one gets full up and we end up wandering around lost without you?

Xxxx

Shebertherbert · 21/09/2019 17:51

I think at the very least you should unfollow on facebook so you don't have to see this sort of thing. You are in Glasgow I think you said. There must be loads of hobby groups or clubs to join. Walking groups, archery, book club or evening classes ect. This is the perfect to try different things and meet new better friends. Be brave and give it a go. Be sure to put pictures up of all your new experiences. Because for sure they will be watching your facebook page.

Peachypips78 · 21/09/2019 17:56

You poor thing OP. You have done absolutely nothing wrong and it seems so unfair.

You seem very full of dignity and integrity- hoping you replace these friends with others of your ilk.

Inishoo · 21/09/2019 17:56

You can hide all of their posts on FB if you think that unfriending would be provocative - and similarly mute and archive the WA.

Sugartits27 · 21/09/2019 18:07

I've been following this thread and I'm really sorry to hear how it's ended up for you. The others are idiots with no loyalty and sooner or later they will find themselves on the receiving end of C's lunacy. I would expect some grovelling eventually but it might not be for a while yet.

Hold your head high and know that you have far more class and intelligence than these idiots.

I hope one or more of them have seen this thread

Talkingmouse · 21/09/2019 18:08

Don’t unfollow/leave the wa/make up stories or any of that nonsense. Stay above it all as you are doing. DD will want to stay friends with theirs and you need to keep that in mind. I expect MKD will be all chummy at school Monday and there will be more C stories to come...

ButDoYouAvocado · 21/09/2019 18:12

Sounds like a right cuntathon. So sorry about how it's turned out. I'm in Glasgow, let's arrange our own Cuntathon! X

SpinySue · 21/09/2019 18:16

I've been reading his from the beginning and it's giving me the fear! What side of the city are you on, I'm in Glasgow too and in for a meet up with other grown adults who don't engage in this cliquey nonsense!

I dont have a main 'friendship group' but more individual friends I see separately. Its something that I used to privately lament but from what I hear from these friends and from what I've read on here maybe I'm better of as I am. But yeah op, I'll hang about with you!

justfortoday4367 · 21/09/2019 18:17

My daughter is 16 and her friends are playing this game at the moment..instead of Facebook all over Snapchat & my daughter being excluded ....my advice to her was make new friends and hold you head up high - they grow up eventually....

After reading this the social climber type of mean girl doesn’t seem to grow up!! Honestly they acting like 16 years olds!!

Well done to you for not at anytime lowing yourself to C childish games X

MidCenturyVintageWoman · 21/09/2019 18:32

I feel so sad for you Jaysus, and for your little girl. What kind of women are they who are happy to see a little girl ostracised from her friendship group for no reason? I just can't get my head around that. You have handled this iniquitous situation with such grace, I truly wish I lived close to you as I'm sure you would be a fantastic friend, one I would feel privileged to know. However, this will all pass and I hope in the not too distant future you can look back and laugh at how batshit this whole situation was. You will always have a friend to call on in Worcestershire should you need one.

Whoops75 · 21/09/2019 18:34

I would love one of them to read this.

They really should be ashamed of themselves. What kind of fucked up logic makes people behave like this! You were first but you had no idea, the next one for the chop will have no excuse.

You’re worth 10 of them OP
I hope you find better friends

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 21/09/2019 18:35

Get the “Queen Bees and Wannabes” book mentioned above @justfortoday4367

Raspberrytruffle · 21/09/2019 18:38

OP it will be raw now but give it a years time or even 6 months and you will thank your blessings that this happend it flushed out all the poison, I've been through something very painful, shocking kinda sounded like a novel story put it this way someone I loved and would do anything for got annoyed with me because I didn't get in line as usual, it wasn't me being a naughty girl it was me running away through a mental breakdown so she was furious with me , harassed us via telephone, social media, police, social services and completely twisted and lied to assassinate my character and almost had severe consequences like loosing my kids or ending up behind bars. It took 5 months under investigation to prove I was innocent it nearly cost me my life, my marriage. It was one of the worst times of my life and I still cant believe how evil someone can be just because they are vengeful , anyhow this happend 4 years ago and although it was Incredibly painful I'm so happy it happened it got the stress out off my life, I'd didn't realise how stressful it was waiting for to call me and demand attention, life has never been better and i now look and feel pity. You will move on and find true freinds and you will think bloody hell they were arseholes Flowers

sakuramiyagi · 21/09/2019 18:41

@JaysusWept I've been lurking this since the first thread and just want to say that I am livid on your behalf. I cannot fathom how grown adults can treat others so poorly! I'm so sorry that your "friends" have been such witches.

Well done for standing up to C in the first place, that took a lot of guts to call her out.

I too live in Glasgow and would definitely be up for a Mumsnet meet-up Smile

SandunesAndRainclouds · 21/09/2019 19:16

Sorry you’re going through this OP.

I experienced something similar - one person in a friendship group excluded me then told the others a load of lies. Despite me explaining my side and the others knowing what was said was untrue, they remained friends with her which hurt. I walked away from all of them. A very good friend told me to focus on my DD which I did, and was very helpful. It didn’t take long for that one person to show her toxic side and one by one they all came back to apologise. I gracefully accepted but never went back for more. I did enjoy telling them I told you so.... and far more lies / drama began to come out the more people realised how toxic she was.

They will all have their time. Meanwhile, hold your head high and be proud of yourself.

TaighNamGastaOrt · 21/09/2019 19:20

Also lurking from start as I feel your pain. Last year I was 'named and shamed' on FB for alleged cruelty by one of these 'queen bee' twats. All lies, police involved etc, but you really find out who your friends are!
Makes you appreciate who your real friends are. Now this twat and her pals kids go to my sons school.
I see them gossiping about me, trying to spread lies, being nasty because they made up a story for likes and attention. She absolutely loves the drama! oh my god hun, PM me chick! Its just a wee game for her in her sad lonely life. Whatever.
All they've ever had from me is a 'grow up' and lots of lovely smiles. Indifference is the way forward here, I'm not feeding into the drama.

K L M and D have likely always discussed you behind your back and enjoyed the drama of your marriage breakdown. Now they're being mean girls and playing childish games. Unfollow them on fb, be pleasant and they'll soon bore of trying to bait you.

They're utter cunts.