C and the (non-existent) FB messages

[JaysusWept]

Morning all.
Can't believe the last thread filled up!
Thanks so much to everyone for all of your responses and your support. It really was invaluable to me.

According to K, M and D, they've had no response from C to their messages asking her to explain what has gone on and why she's been lying. She's seen the messages, but hasn't replied to any of them. I ended up muting my WA chat last night because it was buzzing constantly Did make me wonder if the chat I was exluded from was as busy...

L has told M that she'd believed C, can't believe she would lie about something as serious as this (nothing about not believing I would do such a thing!) and that she needs to hear what C has to say about it. She hasn't attempted to contact me, and I don't want her to. That friendship is over.

I'm wondering what C will come back with now. Part of me thinks she'll just freeze K, M and D out and not even bother to give an explanation, because how could she explain it?
I'm just so relieved that that's it now - they know I wasn't lying. Although I intend to stay friends with K, M and D, I think my friendship with them will cool slightly. They didn't support me when I needed it, and from their responses/reactions, I'm guessing that they were similarly as gossipy and 'excited' with C and L when this was all going on. I'd hoped they were trying not to take sides, etc - but the way they seem to be almost revelling in this now, with the amount of messaging and speculation - I'm guessing they were speculating about me this way?
It's left a bad taste in my mouth.

Think back to when you found out about your ex cheating. Were you up for awesome fun photo posting cocktail evenings 2 nights later.

Doesn't sound like she is that upset really does it.

So you were arranging your own clubs and playdates at 8yrs old..... Yeah OK then!!!!

Not difficult to believe at all. In my day there were no such things as play dates. We just announced we were going round to our friends and went and knocked on their door. Parents micro-managing their children’s activities is a relatively modern construct.

I think it’s the exclusion of your dd I find the hardest to fathom, how can they justify that.

Within the group where the c turned on me there was a genuine effort not to take sides. But it’s impossible. She made it clear it was me or her and she ‘won’ - she very much saw life as something you win or lose at.

This kind of bullying goes on at all ages - but there is something flabbergasting about it when it happens in later years.
I also think it’s doubly hard for op, betrayed by her dh and then her friends. It really stings, and I’ll promise you’ll get over it, you’ll never forget it, but you will emerge stronger and happier.
I found the book ‘breaking through betrayal’ by Holli kenley v useful if that’s any help.

@AlexaAmbedextra yes I grew up in a village where we came home and knocked on for others, that was 30yrs ago..... Sadly today's society isn't as trusting! My DD asks if she can have a play date with x, i seek out Xs parent on facebook or give a note to DD to give to X with my number on it to arrange.

I think the clique enjoyed the drama the breakdown of your marriage provided them with, and liked the fact they were 'in the know' above other people at your school. They probably also enjoyed playing the role of your 'rescuer‘

Heavens above - THIS ^^^

After my first marriage fell apart my best mate was very much there for me. When I met my now DH a few months after she started cutting me off, excluding me and judging me, telling me to my face she preferred XH.

I couldn’t believe the person I’d been through so much with and really loved could be so cruel; the breakdown of that relationship hurt me so much more than the demise of my marriage.

Anyway, the quote from the above PP has it bang on and I was dropped as I wasn’t in need of rescue anymore. God it hurt.

@JaysusWept ha I'm up for a Glasgow meet up - may need it by the end of this school term

Read ur whole thread, both of them, it is horrible that this has happened. I actually ended up moving my DD school as couldn’t deal with mums at school date and then daughter being dropped from kids play dates. She is so much happier, but it was really hard at the time. Sorry this has happened to u, hope ur DD is ok.
Ps u r going to have to start a new thread soon x

I like @DC3dilemma idea of making use of the gossipy busybody to get stuff out into the wider playground arena. But I wouldn't mention getting lawyers involved because that indicates you take this stuff seriously. But you could definitely do a bit of fake concern about the state of C and her odd behaviour, her marriage coming to an end over something which she herself fabricated, and something along the lines of not appreciating being used as a pawn in the domestic/marital disputes of others. You could say how you guess that C is unable to backtrack and tell the truth without losing face. Oh dear I do hope C's child who has already been kept off school isn't going to suffer as a result.

But saying she's welcome to share this info sounds good but is probably unnecessary as that type prefers to share info if they think they shouldn't, but it could be put more along the lines of - I do hope you will put people straight if you hear anyone else spreading malicious gossip.

Not difficult to believe at all. In my day there were no such things as play dates. We just announced we were going round to our friends and went

I can confirm this. We went out all day sometimes in the summer. Just buggered off down to the park or the beach - a 15/20 minute walk away. The one rule was that if one person wanted/had to come home, everybody did. Nobody was ever to be left on their own, or to come home on their own. Parents didn't mind you being out but were well aware that there was safety in numbers.

I've often gone out first thing after breakfast and come home as it was starting to get dark, starving hungry and covered in grime.

Sleepovers were very, very rare - it was considered a treat to go to someone's house for your tea, or have a friend come to yours.

Time to disengage, leave WhatsApp groups, delete or snooze them on Facebook. Don’t waste any more time or emotion on them. They’ve had plenty of times to be there for you, they’ve chosen her every time. Good luck to them!

Inishoo, have you actually read more than page 1? Things have progressed slightly.

What nasty people, you are well rid of them OP.
I'm also in Glasgow and would be up for a MN meet up.

Your non-friends are idiots. They know she's a liar. What happens when she next makes up a lie about someone - it could be one of them? Idiots!

I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this.

@Jaysus this is really shit, I'm sorry but it shows where the 'friends' loyalties lie., and unfortunately it definately is not with you. You need to come away from the wa groups and delete them from fb, otherwise you'll be torturing yourself. Take care of yourself, you know you can hold your head up and be the better person. C's lies will show, in time, but sadly all of them are now part of your past.

Make sure you start a thread about the Glasgow meet up.

Post a link to your two threads on here on the WA group and then leave.

I'm sorry it's worked out like this, what nasty women they are.

Thanks for all the replies. DD and I have been enjoying the rare Glasgow good weather and have had a picnic in the park.
I still haven’t heard from anyone...
K posted on FB thanking C and the others for a great night.
I’m not going to unfriend them or leave the WA chat or anything, because that will just fuel the drama. I’m just going to, well, do nothing!
Very low contact, bright and breezy when I see them, and get on with my own life.
K, M and D have completely shown their true colours and I’m absolutely really quite shocked at what an absolute bitch K is turning out to be.

OP you mentioned check ins and pics with L and K, were D and M there as well it did they think better of it? Sorry if I've missed something!
Just clutching at straws that at least one of these women have realised what shits they've been to you and are stepping away from C's nonsense.
It's awful how often this kind of thing happens, i went through something similar at uni, and it's horrible but you will soon realise how much better off you are without such toxic people in your life

It'll only be a matter of time before they all fall out too.

I've lurked on the whole thread OP, just wanted to say I'm so sorry these women are such utter wankstains. They will each get their comeuppance at some point, there's absolutely no doubt about that, though I appreciate that doesn't help right now.

You are right about not defriending them on fb but you can at least hide c them so you don't have to witness their utter bastard fuckery.

I firmly believe in karma and when these women turn on the next person within the group, rest assured she'll come running to you for support and I hope you take great satisfaction in telling her to do one. Glad you have a good day with your DD in spite of all this nastiness kicking around.

Unfollow them on facebook so you can't see anything and mute the WhatsApp chat. Remove all the negative energy from your life and concentrate on your daughter. Fake it around the bitches and move forward.

I don’t be tempted to start a counter rumour that it was one of them messaging C’s DH

Right decision op

@SweetNorthernRose They were all there, unfortunately.