@Notcoolmum So... yes I believe DS is safe with him. He loves him and he parents him to the best of his ability. Whether that ability is up there, well there are fall downs but I mean I'm not perfect so eh.
DS actually lived with ex on their own for 3 months whilst I lived rent free with a friend so I could save to get my own place. I did notice that the house wasn't kept very clean however ex insisted he did all he could. Weirdly my new LARGER house is cleaned every day and I work longer days in a harder job.
When Ex assaulted me in my sleep, I made the decision to "take DS" away from ex and we moved 20 miles away to the city I work in. ExMIL hasn't forgiven me and is unlikely she will ever. In fact she defended ex (I mean he is her son of course she would) and said it was out of character. I laughed bitterly at that. I think there is a disconnect between his actions and his understanding of consequences. I don't know if his dyspraxia has anything to do with it, I did read sometimes that people with it don't always "understand" even if they hear what you're saying. I've not looked in to it too much tbh.
- He took photos of a girl he worked with, she was walking around the shop floor and he took a picture of her bum (fully clothed) and I found it on his mobile. I went ballistic and asked him if he wanted to be put on a sex offenders register.
- A friend gave me her laptop to fix years ago, ex decided he should look at it. I learned a few years later that's how he must have accessed her nude photos. He basically took them and put them in a secret folder on his PC, along with other nude photos of his own exs. Yet I still married him (think this happened in 2013). She knows about it as I told her. He doesn't know she knows. I asked him to delete the photos, two weeks later I discovered he had moved them to a CD drive.
Since that happened in 2013, he learned his lesson apparently and hasn't done anything since. Apart from putting his dick in me after we had separated and I was asleep after taking 60mg of cocodamol for severe pain issues. After that happened he was disgusted with himself and you could see how he was beating himself up about it. When I told him he could stay at my house to see DS, but I refused to sleep in the same house he said "I'm upset that you don't feel safe with me" and I laughed and walked out.
But 100% DS is safe with him, he's a good father as well as he can be. It's just women....he doesn't understand why women ghost him on Tinder, my best friends have since come out and said they always felt he was a bit creepy. I can see it now.
DS is only 8 but has his own mobile phone and would ring me if there was an issue. They take the dogs out, play Switch games or go to the cinema and then ex leaves the next day when I get back. I won't even have a family dinner with them I just can't stand his physical presence. Makes my skin crawl. DS is better living with me.
Hasn't made me mistrustful of men though