Dating thread 170: Know your worth

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

My ex husband married 2 weeks after our decree absolute came through! That marriage had to be annulled for some reason (she probably found out he was a lying cheating mother fucker)!

So date with Mr Artist tomorrow - he's hot! I'm meeting him for drinks/lunch to see where we're at. Been pinging messages back and forth since Tuesday I think. An ex-soldier (same as me) so we have lots in common. We were at exactly the same place way back in 2003 so probably spoke to each other and certainly would have eaten in the same cookhouse - he remembers a girl being involved in a pancake eating competition (yeah, that was me 🤣) I ate 24 and cake second if anyone is interested!

Any hot dates this week anyone?

In theory I'm seeing Mr Green on Thursday but I'm not convinced he's interested in me so am likely to cancel him anyhow as I won't play the does he like me game.

I am hoping to meet Mr Bear though who is far more my type.

Well in theory Mr Green is interested - didn't ask him outright as that would sound needy so will see what happens. We would be meeting at a pub that is on my way home from work so not going out of my way anyhow.

Have been chatting to Mr Green for last 25 mins about non sexual stuff. It's good

Sounds good, salty.

Mr Scrimgeour messaged me earlier with a kind of apology. I told him he just needs to deal with things, and that I'm not his distraction. Not as blunt as that, obviously. What an odd afternoon today turned out to be.

In other news, I cancelled with Mr Climber and will be seeing Mr Chef later this week.

Mr Goatee keeps in touch regularly and is very flirty, which I enjoy greatly. Two weeks til he returns to the country.

Sound goo @saltysally ooooh @MoreNiceCereal flirty is good. Mr Artist is flirty and likes his innuendos but not so everything becomes one ifyswim? Mr Travels AKA Mr Babyface is messaging me from Russia - bloody hell he is so very hot (he's also the one with the kinks)

My week is shaping up nicely - am going to put some make up on tomorrow especially for Mr Artist (I never bother for work!)

That's some impressive iron juggling @morenicecereal

And @KermitRulesOK too. That's exciting 😊

@saltysally I am bloody terrified I will call someone by the wrong name or reply to the wrong message.

@MoreNiceCereal that's my worry - I like WhatsApp because I search through to make sure I'm not repeating myself lol!

😂 Oh I worry about that with just two or posting an update from here on the wrong social medium. It's only a matter of time....

And you can delete messages to all if you do it in the first 30 min of the posting

Hi all have been enjoying reading the thread.so over 7 months in with Mr Skool. Finally decided to broach the subject with the dc about him being more than a friend and they both responded openly so that's good (they have met him once so far in a group setting).

@MoreNiceCereal that's my worry - I like WhatsApp because I search through to make sure I'm not repeating myself lol!

P.S. sending hugs dust it is difficult.be kind to yourself.it will get easier in time.

@CocoKoko123 That's such good news 😀.

@DustMyselfOff Hugs for you lovely. It is very early days for you and I'm not sure OLD will do your self esteem much good even if it feels like a distraction at the moment. It will just take a ghosting or some man looking to have his own ego massaged to make you feel worse than you do already. I waited 18 months after I separated from STBXH before I went online, I couldn't even think about anything other than my DD and work - I just didn't have the headspace for it and when I eventually started chatting to people, it was only because I wanted sex tbh. We'd been together for 16 years. I needed to mourn the life I thought I was going to have and then be open to what my new future might look like 🌻

@KermitRulesOK You busy lady 👍🏻

@Lovemusic33 MrSkinny sounds very much like my ex. So used to having me doing everything he can't adult. He spent his birthday yesterday getting shitfaced with his mates instead of seeing DD - didn't even reply to a text she sent wishing him a happy birthday. Shes only 9 and knows already what it took me years to learn - that she will always come second to his social life.

Happy 5 months @cocokoko123 😊

I think a problem with OLD is that a lot of people are using it as a distraction or a means of getting over someone else (an ego boost) so that leads to others getting messed around, unfortunately.

I don't think I was 'over' my ex when I started OLD but I did feel open to meeting someone else and seeing what happened. I only waited 6 months but he had an affair and was parading his younger model around straight away so I wasn't going to mope on my own any longer. I did my mourning and anger in those 6 months.

Quick update re me and Mr Ad. All going well - 6 weeks in now and very smitten and we are planning a couple of days away at the end of October. I've met some of his friends and he's met most of mine and we survived!

I don't have to guess what he's thinking because he tells me...who'd have thought it!

I honk @Sunshineandflipflops is right. It's hard to know what someone's motivations are for being on OLD and I'm not sure people always know how they feel themselves until they find themselves in a situation.

I was very open to a full on relationship and I met Mr S who was freshly separated and still entangled with his wife. I started with caution but felt reassured we were on similar pages so when he told me he wasn't ready for anything serious after 5 months it really hurt.

I went straight back on the apps but it became clear I wasn't ready for anything serious after that although I didn't realise it straight away. And now I have a casual bit exclusive thing going. Very centred around sex. But it's fun and we are enjoying ourselves. I am very conscious of making sure he knows we aren't anything more though. I don't want to mislead someone like I was misled.

I'm pleased to hear things are going well with Mr AD.

Very true about the readiness @Sunshineandflipflops old makes that easier than the real world
Congrats on your 6 week's too!

@Sunshineandflipflops has hit the nail on the head. And unfortunately I think we've all used OLD for that purpose. I did at the start, but I've learnt that my heart just isn't in it any longer, so I am taking time out for me. I've got a big birthday this year and for that reason I've decided to enjoy it single.

I'm sick of the headfuckery, the game playing (from their side) and just general let down. I feel good in myself right now and want to continue this feeling.

sunshine I agree with that, tbh when I first went in POF I was looking for a distraction, something to do in the evenings after finishing with ex husband. I have met many men on there who are obviously on the rebound, some even went back to their ex’s so probably joined days after splitting up. I now stay away from men that have recently split but it’s hard to know all the time as some lie or exaggerate. Mr Skinny split from his wife 2 years ago, divorce has only just come through though, he’s obviously still angry about the whole thing which is why I’m a bit wary of getting too over invested. There’s a lot of people out there who simply can’t be alone so they are quick to jump on the OLD apps to find a replacement wife/husband, people can and do get hurt.

Yea, I met someone last year who was only weeks into his separation and he ended up getting back together with her after a few weeks when she clicked her fingers (and I got a random message on facebook telling me she knew I had slept with her husband and was it still going on)? Erm...ask your husband who you clearly don't trust.

I've been really careful during my old experience not to mess anyone around. Waited a good 18 months post split to even start and whilst I now realise I wasnt investing too much that was to protect myself. I cant say that about quite a few of the men i dated - a high number had not been split as long as me and I got the distinct impression were only using it to boost their ego/confidence. Before matching with MrWade I was about to give up for a while anyway as i too was sick of the time wasters and the monotony of initial conversations and first dates which generally lead nowhere. If it all goes pair shaped with MrWade then I'll be staying away from apps for a while anyway. It's been a month together now and 🤞 it continues 😊

Had epic meltodwn this morning and have now been to the GP. A friend called my mum and told her she needed to come and stay and i am so grateful. I was doing ok last week. This week - not so much. I feel so disposable I was beginning to believe it.