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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

First date and embarrassment

159 replies

loveyoutothemoon · 31/08/2019 17:23

So went on first date, seemed a nice guy, he wanted to kiss me in the pub but people were around and I didn't want an audience so we went to a quiet area. Anyway the kiss was fab.
When we said goodbye by my car we kissed again and he got a stiffy (fair enough), he was embarrassed to walk to his car, people were around with it being quite a large car park, could have been kids but I wasn't sure. For some reason, he had to show me that he had a stiffy and put my hand on it over his jeans.
We did the normal texting when we got home, saying we enjoyed the date etc and I said that I was a bit embarrassed he did that. He said that he should not have done it and that he was sorry and hoped he'd not screwed it up.
Feel a bit [shocked] and a bit annoyed!
Should I lighten up, how would it make you feel?

OP posts:

Grobagsforever · 31/08/2019 17:27

Errr like my boundaries had been totally violated and to run a mile?

NoodlesMcGee · 31/08/2019 17:30

No, that is horrible. I know it is probably old fashioned but a man should be a gentleman (especially on a first date). The best advice my Dad gave me was that if someone really does like you, they will be sweet and shy and probably a bit nervous around you.

Putting your hand on their genitals is horrible...

RushianDisney · 31/08/2019 17:31

If you are not the sort of person who likes kissing in public, you certainly aren't going to be the type to want to feel someone's erection in a car park! He sounds way too full on and he is already doing things that make you uncomfortable. I wouldn't be seeing him again.

Sparkybloke · 31/08/2019 17:32

Extremely inappropriate. I would move on asap.

Pinkbonbon · 31/08/2019 17:35

He put your hand on it? Wtf.
Wouldn't be seeing him again after that, he has no respect for boundaries. And it also makes it pretty clear he's only after one thing.

flapjackfairy · 31/08/2019 17:35

Yes me too. He is moving way too fast !

HollowTalk · 31/08/2019 17:36

FFS how old is that man?

HollowTalk · 31/08/2019 17:37

Hang on, he put your hand on it in a public car park? When you wouldn't kiss him in the pub? Why the hell would anyone do that?

Ohyesiam · 31/08/2019 17:38

He just made you feel his dick?
Run a mile.

There are plenty of great kissers out there who will respect your boundaries.

Original poster

loveyoutothemoon · 31/08/2019 17:42

HollowTalk we kissed in the pub. I was surprised that he wanted to considering there were a couple eating 8 feet away, and because I said that I didn't want an audience, he then suggested we moved to a quieter area, which I was happy with. We kissed there, I did say that it turned me on, but also that I never shag on a first date which he said was OK with, even he said he didn't either.
We then kissed by my car, then it happened!

OP posts:

Original poster

loveyoutothemoon · 31/08/2019 17:43

He's 42. But looks older!

OP posts:

ElektraUnchained · 31/08/2019 17:43

If you were uncomfortable then he would have either known it or has no emotional intelligence. This would be unacceptable to me before I had slept with someone. Even after it would make me especially if in public. The only time I wouldn't mind was eg if we had been together a while and were snogging on the sofa as a signal to go upstairs.

I would cut this one loose.

SleepWarrior · 31/08/2019 17:44

You're questioning your boundaries because you otherwise liked him - this is how people gradually ease themselves into very uncomfortable relationships (including abusive ones). Not many people/men are totally awful or every potential partner would run a mile at first meeting. It felt 'off' because it was. You (presumably) gave no impression of being up for public groping on first date so what made him push your boundaries like that?

Trust your gut feeling. If you take him out of the equation for a moment, would you want to continue seeing someone who put your hand on their erection on a first date? There's your answer.

MattBerrysHair · 31/08/2019 17:45

A bloke you'd only just met grabbed your hand and put it on his erection? Personally I'd phone the police to report a sexual assault. I'm aware other people may view me as over dramatic considering the kissing, but in my view it was non-consensual sexual contact. It doesn't bode well for his future conduct with you if you see him again.

Original poster

loveyoutothemoon · 31/08/2019 17:45

It's weird because when we were first chatting, he was telling me about a girl that he was going to go on a date with that sent him nude pictures. He said that he wasn't really into that with someone that he'd not met yet.

OP posts:

catwithnohat · 31/08/2019 17:47

If he looks older, he probably is. Sounds like a right chancer as well - sorry to say I'd be inclined to give him a body swerve in future.

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 31/08/2019 17:48

Eww. First dates are normally when you're on your best behaviour wanting to impress.

Poochandmutt · 31/08/2019 17:50

I’ve not been on a date in 30 years ,but I think things are very different now ,porn , sexting ,ect ..I wouldn’t write him of ,have another date ,but tell him you felt embarrassed by feeling porky.

Bluntness100 · 31/08/2019 17:54

Personally I'd phone the police to report a sexual assault

Seriously ?

MattBerrysHair · 31/08/2019 17:55

Poochandmutt it isn't current common practise for anyone to force their genitals into the hands of another on a first date.

MattBerrysHair · 31/08/2019 17:56

Bluntness100

Seriously, I would.

lawnmowingsucks · 31/08/2019 17:58

Good god. If he crosses your comfort zones don't see him again. If you can live with his needy unconfident sexuality , see him again. It's not rocket science

Silverman · 31/08/2019 17:58

SleepWarrior is exactly right.

Also I bet he's older than he says. You don't feel comfortable because it's totally unacceptable of him!
You're trying to convince yourself it's OK, it isn't. Imagine if a friend relayed this date to you.
He makes me fill sick, he's a creep!

TanMateix · 31/08/2019 17:58

I wouldn’t even bother about replying, what a creep! Stay away op and block him straight away, the last thing an embarrassed person does is to put your hand exactly on what is supposedly embarrassing him.

Original poster

loveyoutothemoon · 31/08/2019 17:59

OK so thank you for the replies, thought I may have had at least one saying lighten up.
So please help me word a message to him telling him I won't be seeing him again. And how many of you would call the police, and who would just leave it?
Thanks.

OP posts:

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