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Original poster

First date and embarrassment

159 replies

loveyoutothemoon · 31/08/2019 17:23

So went on first date, seemed a nice guy, he wanted to kiss me in the pub but people were around and I didn't want an audience so we went to a quiet area. Anyway the kiss was fab.
When we said goodbye by my car we kissed again and he got a stiffy (fair enough), he was embarrassed to walk to his car, people were around with it being quite a large car park, could have been kids but I wasn't sure. For some reason, he had to show me that he had a stiffy and put my hand on it over his jeans.
We did the normal texting when we got home, saying we enjoyed the date etc and I said that I was a bit embarrassed he did that. He said that he should not have done it and that he was sorry and hoped he'd not screwed it up.
Feel a bit [shocked] and a bit annoyed!
Should I lighten up, how would it make you feel?

OP posts:
Melmam · 31/08/2019 19:41

Bluntness 100 exacly what i was going to post

Everafter1 · 31/08/2019 19:48

We kissed there, I did say that it turned me on

The chat has been heading that way, coupled with the kissing, he's probably just got carried away. It's a bit much that he's put your hand there & not a good move on his part but he's recognised that, apologised & your safety wasn't at risk.

LilQueenie · 31/08/2019 19:51

Why didn't you knee him in the balls. I bloody would have.

Melmam · 31/08/2019 19:51

Loveyoutothemoon In your op you did not say that he forced your hand there i dont think it was that bad a thing to do he did leave you uncomfortable but you should have mentioned it to him not go home and the usual texting if you find him creepy dont see him again i think some pp are going a bit far with the police he was turned on so where you.

Bouffalant · 31/08/2019 19:52

Slimy cunt. Well done for blocking him.

What the fuck are men thinking sometimes.

DtPeabodysLoosePants · 31/08/2019 19:56

Ugh. Definitely sexual assault no matter what the minimiser on here are saying. How did you meet him? If from a dating site then I would report him to them because then other women won't have him do the same to them. He might not stop at grabbing a hand next time. So glad you've blocked him.

Original poster
loveyoutothemoon · 31/08/2019 20:14

Everafter1 you say my safety wasn't at risk but I was humiliated in front of people. Like I said, I shouldn't have kissed him in the first place.

OP posts:
dollybooo · 31/08/2019 20:44

Erm.... don't engage in sexy talk like ' you are turning me on' over a kiss .... is my only advice here.

Everafter1 · 31/08/2019 21:23

I'm sure you were & that's terrible. I'm not disputing that. You guys were kissing in a public place and it was obv heated, you told him you were turned on, he showed he was turned on.
You were in public, fully clothed. He crossed a line, maybe didn't know you'd be embarrassed as you were already kissing in the car park in front of people. He's apologised, you've blocked him. If he forced after you said no that's different but I don't believe it's a police matter.

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 31/08/2019 21:25

I personally wouldn’t see someone who did that again as I would feel disrespected but however you feel is valid and is what matters.

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 31/08/2019 21:29

The line for me for calling the police would be if he had stopped you removing your hand. That would then be a deliberate sexual assault, whereas this was a slimy misreading of the situation. I wouldn’t see him again but wouldn’t ring the police.

Eliseya · 31/08/2019 21:32

yes, I think something needs to be done immediately

nespressowoo · 31/08/2019 22:47

Gross

Zaphodsotherhead · 31/08/2019 23:08

I want to know why it is that some men seem so obsessed with their genitals that they think that women should be equally as obsessed? WHY? I've just finished with a bloke who wouldn't hug me as 'I might get an erection', and if he did he'd have to announce it to anyone around. What happened to being aroused and just shutting up about it?

I think you did absolutely the right thing, OP. He sounds a lot like my ex, inexperienced and thinking that his penis was god's gift to women and we should all bow down and worship it.

Sarcelle · 31/08/2019 23:17

Don't call the police. Don't see him again. That's it really. You have dodged a bullet.

CloudyWithAChance2 · 31/08/2019 23:26

Incredible how many women on here don’t have a mind of their own or the ability to make a decision.

He put your hand on his dick whilst you were kissing in public. You were texting later and mentioned you were embarrassed by it (but clearly not overly offended otherwise you wouldn’t be texting).

Now a bunch of strangers have told you he’s a disgrace and should be locked up, you get onboard. Great stuff.

Whatevskev · 31/08/2019 23:37

OP
It sounds like a horrible experience- I hope you are ok?

Tbh I don’t think a first date with a stranger shouldnt even venture on to the subject of sex and the fact he discussed someone else sending nudes (and I agree with a pp that he was scoping out the possibility of this by pretending to be oh so horrified) and encouraged public intimate kissing is just all a bit grim.

Middle aged Adults don’t go full on snog in a pub in front of people eating meals.

He’s in his 40s. (If he looks older I’d bet he actually is too)

He was after sex
He pushed boundaries and upset you by forcing an intimate act you didn’t signal or say you wanted.

First dates should be about laughter and conversation and finding out about the other person.

Please see this encounter for what it was- the agenda of an immature nasty man after sex.

Block him
And be very sure on future first dates that you set the agenda and leave if they behave in any way that rings alarm bells.

sheshootssheimplores · 31/08/2019 23:44

I think my reaction would very much depend on if I fancied him or not. I’m not hugely keen on men guiding my hand to their cocks, even in a relationship. So I’d probably bin him for it. However if I really fancied him I might have found it a turn on, it’s hard to say.

elizalovelace · 31/08/2019 23:46

Yuck, raise your bar OP.

Skittlesandbeer · 31/08/2019 23:56

Can I just say that that gesture of ‘oooo feel, let’s celebrate my erection together’ has sooooo passed its use-by date.

I’m remembering how common it was in my youth, how often I went along with it and how I now realise HOW MUCH I HATED IT!!!

It’s a good reminder to add it to my list of ‘Don’t put up with these things’ that I’ll be telling my DD one day. She’ll be horrified, no doubt, but it needs to be stamped out.

It’s the sexual equivalent of a boy tossing his dirty T-shirt towards you, hoping you’ll wash and iron it for him. It’s equally repellent if it’s a first date, or years into a marriage.

Want me to know how excited I’ve got you? I’ll happily feel your wrist pulse. Offer your wrist, and I’ll decide if I want to touch your body right now.

BrittleJoys · 01/09/2019 00:05

I’m more alarmed by the fact that you ignored your own instincts — you sound as if you went along with his repellant teenage antics when you didn’t want to. Ask yourself why that was, and next time, listen to your instincts. Your preferences are more important than some random first date’s erection.

Dappledsunlight · 01/09/2019 00:29

He sounds about 17 if he's asking you to feel his hard-on! Turn on? More like turn off. Yuk.

Needsomebottle · 01/09/2019 01:13

I'm also in the minority and also with @Bluntness100 - you moved to a quiet area to snog, you told him you were turned on, he showed you he was, he didnt whip your hand down his pants or get his erection out. You say you didnt want to kiss him in the pub but then you told him you were turned on? Maybe he massively misjudged, maybe a first date for a grope is too soon, but I think unless you were resisting that movement all the way down to his erection he has just gone with how he perceived the flow and moved your hand there. At that point if not comfortable with it a "woah sunshine! Bit soon for that!" would have set clear boundaries. But instead you went home and text him and said you enjoyed the date? Mixed messages much?

tolerable · 01/09/2019 05:01

hes 42!!!11and..youre how old?

AnnonniMoose · 01/09/2019 05:42

Ugh - this is the type of things young guys do in nightclubs when drunk, definitely not at age 42 and on a first date!

I went on a date once with a totally disgusting man in his 40s. He kept trying to hold my hand and I kept hiding my hand. I cut the 'date' short, and once outside the pub he pulled me close to him and quite literally stuck his tongue down my throat - not a kiss, just a tongue. I pushed him away, said 'NO!', and ran to my car and sped off.

He had the nerve to ask me for a second date.

Good on you for blocking him.