Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

First date and embarrassment

159 replies

loveyoutothemoon · 31/08/2019 17:23

So went on first date, seemed a nice guy, he wanted to kiss me in the pub but people were around and I didn't want an audience so we went to a quiet area. Anyway the kiss was fab.
When we said goodbye by my car we kissed again and he got a stiffy (fair enough), he was embarrassed to walk to his car, people were around with it being quite a large car park, could have been kids but I wasn't sure. For some reason, he had to show me that he had a stiffy and put my hand on it over his jeans.
We did the normal texting when we got home, saying we enjoyed the date etc and I said that I was a bit embarrassed he did that. He said that he should not have done it and that he was sorry and hoped he'd not screwed it up.
Feel a bit [shocked] and a bit annoyed!
Should I lighten up, how would it make you feel?

OP posts:
cushioncovers · 31/08/2019 18:20

He behaved inappropriately. You didn't like it. He apologised. Just block him and move on.

BEDinhalfanhour · 31/08/2019 18:20

You dont need to message him to explain you wont be seeing him again. Just ignore him.

he was telling me about a girl that he was going to go on a date with that sent him nude pictures. He said that he wasn't really into that with someone that he'd not met yet

He really IS into that & was putting the feelers out.

Double creep.

Bluntness100 · 31/08/2019 18:21

Op, did you feel forced? You said you felt shocked and annoyed, but were texting him to tell him how much you enjoyed the date.

Do you feel he sexually assaulted you, that you couldn't say no?

Silverman · 31/08/2019 18:23

The key word here is FORCE (even though we all know force doesn't equate to non consent and inappropriate behaviour because assault can be done in many ways)

now OP has clarified this I would be shocked if we didn't all agree that this is disgusting and a violation.

He is old enough to know the signs

Tableclothing · 31/08/2019 18:23

I would not go on a second date with someone who put my hands on their erection in a car park with people, possibly children, nearby. (If that makes me a prude, then I'm quite happy to be a prude)

I wouldn't report it to the police either though.

EskewedBeef · 31/08/2019 18:24

A middle aged man wanting a snog in a pub is quite unusual and would make me think he was very inexperienced with relationships so I may be forgiving of that (though I wouldn't have gone along with it), but pushing you to touch his erection in the car park is plain nasty so I wouldn't see him again. He sounds awful.

Silverman · 31/08/2019 18:25

Bluntness100 after I was sexually assaulted I can assure you you don't behave the way ppl think. Jesus chrsit I hope you never deal with a friend or relative in this situation. Stop worrying about Ops behaviour that's not an indication of what he did!

TwentyEight12 · 31/08/2019 18:26

@loveyoutothemoon

It’s very tempting to make a decision based on what other people think or are telling you to do or not do.

We are not you and we are not living your life and we weren’t in the interaction between yourself and the man you had a date with.

So, please take the time to digest YOUR experience and make YOUR decision on whether or not you want to not to see him again or you want to see him again.

There is no need to do it right this moment. You have time. Sleep on it perhaps and then decide.

No one on here will really give a rats arse about the consequences of what you decide to do. You are your own person and you should make your own decisions with regards to what is best for you and by you.

Like I said, chat to some people you trust in real life who know you.

Hellywelly10 · 31/08/2019 18:26

Sounds like hes looking for a sexual relationship rather than friendship or a serious relationship.

MotherofDogs3 · 31/08/2019 18:26

Im no prude far from it but this guy is obviously just after sex and damn right disgusting! Before i got with my partner i went on loads of dates and a majority were like this guy unfortunately... for him to be chatting about another date hes going on and saying that she sends nudes just proves how vile he is 🙄 unless you are into this kind of man then just ignore him and move on to the next. There are alot of gentlemen out there believe it or not you just gotta get through these sex pests to find them!

WitsEnding · 31/08/2019 18:26

I'm with @Bluntness100 - it's gauche behaviour but

  • you retreat to a quiet area to snog someone you've just met (to avoid an audience, so you want to be in private with this person
  • you tell them you are turned on
He's demonstrating that he is turned on. It would have been better to tell him you wanted him to keep it to himself as soon as he started talking about his erection, but texting him as you did and that you don't want to see him again is the right course of action. I'm not sure why you are also texting him that you enjoyed the evening if you are horrified enough to consider calling the police.
Original poster
loveyoutothemoon · 31/08/2019 18:27

I just think it's so gross to do it in a pub car park, there were definitely people around as I could hear them.

OP posts:
Windmillwhirl · 31/08/2019 18:27

That's just grim. I'd be telling him exactly why I wouldn't be seeing him again. Then block!

FazakerlyJackie · 31/08/2019 18:27

You can do better than creepy man lovely. Definitely not a keeper, and inappropriate behaviour from him. Avoid.

SignedUpJust4This · 31/08/2019 18:28

I think it's great when they act like this on a first date. Means you don't have to waste any more time dating them to find out theyre an arsehole

IamWaggingBrenda · 31/08/2019 18:28

I would feel weird if my DH of 30 years did this to me in public, and I’m no prude. I would give this guy a hard pass (pun intended) though. Why any grown man needs to be told you’re uncomfortable with it is beyond me.

gilliansgardenbench · 31/08/2019 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeffaLump1 · 31/08/2019 18:30

Yuk, he truly sounds revolting

Crass12 · 31/08/2019 18:33

Inappropriate but not entirely unexpected from some men of that age.
Probably thought you’d be flattered you turn him on and wanted you to feel the evidence.
Most definitely not on and gross but if you decide to go for a second date I’d lay down the boundaries before you meet

ProperVexed · 31/08/2019 18:36

I fail to see what this has to do with the police!

gilliansgardenbench · 31/08/2019 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Missingstreetlife · 31/08/2019 18:42

Nah. Run

DowntonCrabby · 31/08/2019 18:43

Ewww

I certainly wouldn’t be seeing him again.

NataliaOsipova · 31/08/2019 18:44

It all sounds a bit teenage to me: snogging in a car park, bloke trying it on too far. Given he seems to have offered a genuine apology when you told him off, I think I’d be inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt....

IamtheOA · 31/08/2019 18:44

Dear god, he should know better!

Yuk.