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Original poster

First date and embarrassment

159 replies

loveyoutothemoon · 31/08/2019 17:23

So went on first date, seemed a nice guy, he wanted to kiss me in the pub but people were around and I didn't want an audience so we went to a quiet area. Anyway the kiss was fab.
When we said goodbye by my car we kissed again and he got a stiffy (fair enough), he was embarrassed to walk to his car, people were around with it being quite a large car park, could have been kids but I wasn't sure. For some reason, he had to show me that he had a stiffy and put my hand on it over his jeans.
We did the normal texting when we got home, saying we enjoyed the date etc and I said that I was a bit embarrassed he did that. He said that he should not have done it and that he was sorry and hoped he'd not screwed it up.
Feel a bit [shocked] and a bit annoyed!
Should I lighten up, how would it make you feel?

OP posts:
Redshoesandtheblues · 01/09/2019 05:49

Maybe think twice before
snogging in a pub on fìrst date?

You say you felt embarrassed outside by his car. But not inside?

Up to you, but I'd set my own boundaries in place.

Redshoesandtheblues · 01/09/2019 05:52

And no, im not blaming you .
Just wanting you to be more aware.

OnlineAlienator · 01/09/2019 05:56

I'm no prude but i'm seeing red flags. It's fine to touch a dick on a first date but imo as its so fast it should be you volunteering it, not him moving your hand for you! He's pushy at the very least Hmm i'd be doing up my trainers with my eye on the nearest high ground ;)

ThighThighOfthigh · 01/09/2019 06:04

I don't know, men are so proud of their stiffies. Maybe have a coffee next time and see what you think of him.

ThighThighOfthigh · 01/09/2019 06:12

He might be out of practice and misread your mixed messages. Or he might be a dicksplash but no assault occurred here.

Doormat247 · 01/09/2019 06:22

He sounds gross and very much like a horny 18 year old. I dated someone like this and on our second date he purposely missed his train knowing I'd be too kind to just leave him many miles from his home Hmm. Also disregarded my comment to keep his hands off me if he was staying in my home.

He certainly isn't a catch and I'd be tempted to give him his marching orders now. Be aware that this is likely his 'best' behaviour so he's probably much worse in reality.

My current DP was incredibly sweet on our first date, didn't encroach on my personal space at all and was too scared to kiss me - I don't kiss on a first date and if he'd tried, it would have put me off him for sure. He's still just as sweet and lovely 18mths later.

StarTastic · 01/09/2019 06:32

If you are coerced into a kiss that isn't actually consenting to a kiss. Unless you wanted to kiss him and wanted to go somewhere quiet.

Someone putting your hand on them without your consent is legally sexual assault.

Massive red flags.

If you switch the situation and put another person's hand on a part of your body without their consent would it feel like you were doing something they wanted? I doubt it.

There are loads of men who would never dream of behaving in this way. You are worth so much more, You don't have to settle for any less.

KaleidoscopeEyes · 01/09/2019 06:37

It's like he hasn't had a date since he was 16!

As a woman of a certain age, I've been round the block a few times, and I HATE the putting your hand on his cock thing. I know where it is mate.. if I want to touch it, I will, thanks Hmm

OP you have nothing to feel embarrassed or stupid about. You just got carried away and a bit horny. He's the one that crossed the line with his clumsiness and lack of class.
Glad you've blocked him.

KaleidoscopeEyes · 01/09/2019 06:38

Can you imagine grabbing someone's hand on a first date and pushing it towards your vagina? No class!

ImogenTubbs · 01/09/2019 06:49

This is definitely too full on, but if he was great in every other way I wouldn't write him off for this, particularly if he seems to be taking your concerns about it seriously. I had a date once where the man put his hand on MY crotch in public. I went nuts at him, he was horribly embarrassed, apologized profusely and promised never to do it again. I am now married to him and he never has done that or anything like it again and is a wonderful wonderful man.

For me, it's much about whether the man seems to respect your feelings and opinions and is willing to genuinely listen to you. We all make mistakes.

newhopewithanyluck · 01/09/2019 07:27

@loveyoutothemoon

It might be an idea to have a look at the DatingThread in Relationships.

Take care.

Jennifer2r · 01/09/2019 09:29

@KaleidoscopeEyes you made me laugh,

I HATE the putting your hand on his cock thing. I know where it is mate.. if I want to touch it, I will, thanks

Is exactly right, that's how I feel about it.

Limt · 01/09/2019 10:33

Not sure about telling a man that you don't have sex on a first date.

Much better to just not discuss it.

Swisskit · 01/09/2019 10:56

You clearly didn't like what he did, so just move on. A polite message saying thanks for the date but you won't be seeing him again.

No need to take it further.

TanMateix · 01/09/2019 11:09

No need to explain more OP or over analysing things. He made you feel uncomfortable, he is now blocked, you have listened to your instincts (otherwise this thread wouldn’t exist) and you have stood for yourself by refusing to communicate with him anymore.

Next.

CarolineKate · 01/09/2019 11:13

My assumption would be he is mainly interested in sex.

PositiveVibez · 01/09/2019 11:24

Glad you've blocked this creep OP.

I wouldn't go to the police, but I certainly would not be seeing him again. Glad you told him it made you uncomfortable, he might think before subjecting another woman forcibly celebrating his erection.

Why didn't you knee him in the balls. I bloody would have

Whoever said this ^^ is daft. Nobody knows what they would do in the OP's situation. We would all like to think that we would be strong, tell them to fuck off and kick them in the dick, but in reality, you are shocked, embarrassed and want to get away safely from the situation, so please think before saying something like that and making the woman feel even more shitty than she already does.

Redshoesandtheblues · 22/09/2019 18:55

Kneed him the bollocks after she had been snogging him in the pub and by his car??
No wonder he felt able to chance his luck!

Redshoesandtheblues · 22/09/2019 19:10

The important thing is to remember he didn't go any further once he knew she felt awkward about it.

Hint......do not talk about sex on first date.

Redshoesandtheblues · 22/09/2019 19:11

Oops! Sorry!
Thought it a live thread.

Ketchup4tea · 22/09/2019 20:24

Grim!

SherbetSaucer · 22/09/2019 20:41

Saying the kiss turned you on was a VERY weird thing to say on a first date! Confused As was informing him you don’t have sex. It all sounds very grim to me!

Just block him. You don’t owe him an explanation.

TemporaryPermanent · 22/09/2019 21:25

That would be hot for me, but he was taking a bit of a risk. Sorry I do think reporting this to the police would be several metres over the top. If it made you uncomfortable, that's perfectly reasonable - dont see him again.

Dieu · 22/09/2019 23:24

Don't for God's sake phone the police. Ridiculous.

Interestedwoman · 22/09/2019 23:33

I wouldn't like that and don't think I'd see the person again- creepy and pushy. He didn't have to draw attention to/mention his stiffy at all, he could just've said he thought you were attractive or something at most.