Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

He's replied to my morning message now. There is no reason why I can't try and call him. God I'm sat here with my finger over the FaceTime button and struggling to do it! This is not normal to have this much fear (the fear is rejection). He always calls me. I only call him if I've missed his call and call him back.

I'm starting to think he's a 'reason' guy and this process is making me face up to some things.

Go on @woo give us a soppy post. You know you want to

cues music

Press the button @notreallyacatfish.

I say this as someone who is truly shit at phoning people. Honestly, I spend 10 minutes psyching myself up to call the dentist to make an appointment. I have phoned MrSG less than 5 times in all the time we’ve been together (and we’re buying a house!).

Don’t be like me; press the button.

Haha @Ginmel. I’m not sure any of you want to read the soppy post. 😂

It would be excruciating really because I totally adore MrSG. It’s ridiculous. And (and this bit is important) I genuinely and always feel that he adores me.

That’s probably soppy enough.

I did it! I pressed the button... he rejected it lol

He's now just messaged saying 2 secs he's on the phone

Oh I do!

Put a soppy warning at the top, though I bet everyone reads it

You may remember my post from a couple of weeks ago, when I realised I was being catfished and scammed for money. I'm back for another hand hold!
Does anyone else find this whole OLD thing exhausing and emotionally wearing?
After my potential scamming experience, I decided to give OLD another try - I'm an eternal optimist! I connected with (what seemed like) a very nice, normal guy which was great after my last experience.

I'll call him MrN. He shared photos and added me on linkedin so I knew he was genuine. We were in constant contact over 10 days - regular phone calls and texts throughout the day. Things were getting very steamy, but we were also having very normal, friendly conversations.

We finally met for a coffee on Tuesday evening and it was very pleasant and conversation was flowing. After a very passionate kiss in the carpark, we ended up back in my house and DTD.

I thought everything had gone well, but now he has "disappeared". I called him on the way home from work yesterday (we had been calling each other on the commute home up to then) and he said he was with someone and would call me back. He didn't and I texted last night (he would always reply within a few minutes) .. and no reply.

I just feel so sad, that I've tried to make the effort and put myself out there only to be knocked back again and again. I know I will bounce back from this, but the sense of disappointment today is overwhelming. I know I shouldn't blame myself, but with the amount of drama and rejection I've felt since I decided to put myself back out there, it's really hard not to!

Apologies for the pity party, but I needed to get it out and this is great supportive forum to do that!

@trustmygut oh what a dick!! Why do so many men do this!!

I have no advice I'm afraid. But I can relate to how you are feeling.

When you rang him last night, was that the only contact you had with him yesterday? Did he leave yours yesterday morning?

wooma wooohooooo. I’m happy to read a soppy post too.

Happy birthday ant not sure if I said it already.

Good luck notreally with your FaceTime

So Mr Suit messaged me last night to say he had a nice time and would like to see me again. Not heard anything this morn though.

I was slightly tipsy when I got in and picked a fight with Mr Big over WA. I said some mean things (but actually deserved) and told him I was blocking him (I haven’t). Please will someone from the arse kick crew come take my phone off me and delete and block him. I am pining again and desperately want to send him an apology Which he doesn’t deserve!

Thanks @notreallyacatfish, he didn't stay over on Tuesday night. He texted when he got home and I knew he was busy at work yesterday meeting clients. So, yes when I rang him that was the first contact we had.
I think it's just the sheer disappointment and let down, when you've put effort into getting to know someone and trusting that they are who they protray themselves to be.

Onwards and upwards!

Oh trustmy some men are a bloody joke! Sorry this happened. You will bounce back but it is bloody hard work this old malarkey!

Did he lovebomb you @trustmygut? Constant contact for 15 days sounds quite intense. Anyhow if its any consolation lots of us have made similar mistakes when first starting old. Stick with us - you'll be OK

Thanks all - @ginmel, no I don't think it was lovebombing - I've add that before and the red flags would be rising. This seemed much more normal, getting to know you.
I just don't seem to learn from my mistakes and break the golden "over investment" rule every time! I wish I could be less enthusiastic!!!

Well "2 secs. Just on phone" was over 40 mins ago and I'm guessing the kids may have arrived now. I doubt he will FaceTime with them there so will have to see if he's free tonight. But I'm not chasing now. He's been a little 'brief' yesterday and this morning so don't want to push it if he's not wanting to communicate.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 absolutely do not apologise to this man. Sometimes we build up all the frustrations of anger and hurt. And then it explodes when we have a drink (been there done that). But it just proves how much you've been holding back your anger.

He's doesn't deserve you full stop. But he knows he can have you when HE wants you. Don't let him control that. Delete his number. (No need to block) but delete so you can't make contact with him again

So sorry this happened @trustmygut there are men and women out there. Who do what they can to get sex. Did you discuss about relationships or if this was just casual.

Although tbf he sounds like the type of bloke that would make you think it's all for a relationship. But he always knew it was just sex.

I have been known to change someone's name on my phone to something like 'DO NOT TEXT!!!!!" when I've wanted to delete someone's number but also know who it is if they contact me. It definitely helped.

@trustmygut we all make mistakes. I'm deliberately ignoring two of my main rules with my current iron. Will find out Saturday if I regret that probably, most likely

@Marlboroandmalbec34 If I had your phone right now i'd lob it in the north sea and take you out drinking. The more you hold onto him, lust, resentment, missing him, apologising, accusing. The longer it will take you to reclaim your head.You know all this, look at it from the outside, if you ditch him properly and completely it's a victory not a loss. In the story of your life, a minor blip. A story you might tell in passing. Nothing special

@trustmygut I've DTD on the first date a couple of times, sometimes it continues, other times it doesn't. You just can never tell. Don't beat yourself up - nothing you did or didn't do. Hopefully, it was good sex? If so, treat it as such and get yourself back up again

@Ginmel naughty! which rules?

Thank you all for your support - I'm feeling much more cheerful and the wallowing is abating. A problem shared is definitely a problem halved!
Yes, the sex was good (or at least it was for me!) and I'll chalk it down to experience!

Oh @trustmygut he sounds like a total player. What a twat. Sorry you experienced that. I think if when we have sex we have to own it and be happy about it and not assume it means there is more. But honestly he is awful.

I wondered if you'd had any contact with Mr Big @Marlboroandmalbec34 nothing wrong with saying your piece. Bit I'd delete and block him now. Nothing good is going to come if being in touch with him.

Happy birthday @Ant330 xx

@supercali77 I am 😉 we've only exchanged headshot photos and it'll have been nearly 2 weeks messaging by the time we meet. May sound minor but I've been burned by both of these before. Thus time I just don't care. I enjoy talking to Mr Unexpected so have let it run on.

Sobering thought

@Ginmel ahhhh, yeah i've let a chat run on for too long now - 2 weeks (schedules) - meeting friday. I feel like - low pressure it's not that bad. If i'd been all over it like a thirsty rash it would be a serious error.