Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Well I didn't hear back from MrSea despite his being on line. I mean how hard is it to say "sorry, wasnt feeling it" 🤷‍♀️

@Ant330 Happy Birthday!!

I know a lot of people don’t like this saying, but Bro’s before Hoe’s!

That is rude @neverexpected2 Well done for asking the question though.

Where's @marlbs loo update? Tsk

Simon 😂 they're an understanding bunch and knew we were trying again so would have let me off this time. But you're right!
Ginmel text sent, I don't expect to hear back but at least thanks to you I've done the decent thing 👍

FMFL HOLLAND honestly I really do pick them. He was actually very lovely.

@Ant330 👍

Thanks @HairyArsedMan. I agree in my case he wasn't ready. We were really pretty good together. He had to sort his shit out with his wife, living situation and kids. I think seeing me helped him realise that. But he wasn't in the right place for us. Hard for me as I was very ready for us. I'm surprised how much it hurt and for how long. But I opened myself up fully to a forever relationship. Not realising that's not what we were.

Hope you heal quickly. X

Hey! No loo update but a home update!

I thought we had good fun, he was nice. Attractive , we laughed but just realised it’s only 10pm and I’m home 🙈I had 3 glasses of wine and he drive me home!!!

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Glad you had a nice time...so no plans to meet again?

Yes we said we would. Let’s sew. Glad I went 😁

Good going @marlbs

Ah, that's great @Marlboroandmalbec34!

Nice one @Marls!

@WhatWhyWhen Holland????!!

Was he looking for a ons then @whatwhywhen? What a shame

Yey Marls!!

Well he definitely started that way Ginmel , now I’ve chastely said no way, we will talk but then I’m away home (he’s an interesting guy, very charming as you can imagine), he’s now full on text and pointing out Schipol airport really isn’t that far and he is wanting to find love.

Typical!

Apologies for the scepticism but he's only changed his tune after you said no. I'd said next personally...

Oh it’s DEFINTELY next!!

Have someone local on Sat am who seems sweet with shared interests and background and actually lives here.

Don’t seem to have an issue getting dates. Just seems that despite filtering I pick wronguns!

It's hard @whatwhywhen you'd think you wouldn't need to ask a question like do you live here and assume people would be be upfront and honest on their profile. Doesn't happen though

I now have a draft message saved with a few questions I send to men I've begun to talk to on fab so they can't pretend they accidentally chose a wrong option on their profile or some other rubbish excuse.

Happy birthday ant

Have finally caught up on the last 2 threads having been away on holiday for past week with friend and our dc's. Sorry for all the crap lots seem to have been going through - sorry can't remember everything to respond individually but what what an utter knob that guy you met in London turned out to be!
Not a lot to report from me. Bf has fucked me off - think dealbreaker territory - so I'm not currently communicating with him so not sure what will happen there... Have had good convo with exh about our dc so that's positive. And looks like I should be financially untangled from ex by Christmas 🤞. Got a night out with friend over w/e as childfree. Just feeling a bit 'meh' at the moment-don't know why it's so difficult to find someone who's not fundamentally flawed. Life just seems so unfair and lonely at times. All I wanted was to be a wife and mother and stay married...

@cocokoko123 I only wanted to be a husband and be married too. I've now learned all I need to find is myself, which is actually pretty hard.

Sorry things didn't work out Hairy and Ant.
Notcool - sounds v similar to me and MrWow. I have no regrets ending it. I was sad but I know I did the right thing.
sunshine - when's the next date? 🙂
Coco - Do you need to have a convo with him or just block and move on?
Soz, can't remember name but still nothing from MrSea?

Well, MrBE rings every day for a chat and we have a date on Friday. Not sure what to do as he doesn't drink 🤔. Cinema maybe. When we dated before, it was coffee shops, meals out or just at home. He doesn't mind me drinking, he doesn't have an issue with alcohol, just never drank it as a youngster and now due to work and living on a boat, just not compatible.

Tbh am really nervous, even though I know him! We both want long term, he's attractive, tall, we get on well, makes me laugh, v outdoorsy, no nasty ex's, good job, happy to spend time/include my son. What's not to like! Maybe that's why I'm nervous, scared of f*cking it up.

This thread seems to have got off to a good start, glad you had a nice evening Marlbs and happy birthday Ant I hope you have a good time with friends and they take your mind off MissH.
Tinder has certainly been an experience and I know exactly where to look if I have "needs".. I have a promising iron (can they be an iron if you haven't met up yet?) that I've been talking to for a few days. He sounds great on paper and conversation flows easily. He's very sweet so maybe he shall be MrSweet. Wondering whether to see if he asks me out or just to dive in and suggest a coffee.
I spotted someone I used to know IRL and we matched so had a chat with him too. I'm not sure if I'm attracted to him yet/anymore but he seems quite keen. He can be MrHistory.
There's a final one that I had been talking to pre-Tinder. He's hot and we flirted a lot but is wildly unsuitable and seems to have gone cold now. I won't bother naming him unless he gets back in touch!

Happy birthday @Ant330! Hope you have a fabulous day.

@TooOldForThis67 we are meeting up next tuesday, so a week after our first date. We have to factor in my child free time, his work and the distance so that was the next opportunity. He continues to be bloody lovely and has told me he won't be dating or chatting to anyone else while we see where this goes (he knows about my experiences with fidelity) without any prompting from me.

Re alcohol free dates, I am also in this position so for our first date we went for dinner and we might go to an adult crazy golf place for number two. It's an indoor place that has bars and stuff but obviously the main focus is crazy golf, not drinking.
He has told me he doesn't mind me drinking when we're together but I really don't want to. I care about him being ok more than I need to drink on a date.

@CocoKoko123 I'm not sure how long you have been with your bf but sorry to hear things aren't going great. Is is definitely over?

I don't think any of us imagined we'd be here or really want to be here but life happens and all we can do is keep going and try and make the best of where we find ourselves.
When I got married, I was marrying for life and I thought me and my ex would grow old together. What he did was out of my control but the rest of my life is very much within it. Your life might. Or follow the path you imagined but that doesn't mean the new path will be worse...just leading to a slightly different destination x