Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Anyway sitting on my hands has worked and MrEasyPipe has asked when I am free for date 3 .

You are totally right @WhatWhyWhen And it's not harsh.

Nobody is saying not to give him a chance @Sunshineandflipflops if shoe was on the other foot I would like to think people on here would give me advice and point me in the right direction of things to look for. A recovering alcoholic shouldn't be involved in a new relationship for at least 12 months and that's a set guideline done by medical professions for a reason. I'm very sure he's a lovely person and it's great he's being honest and open with you. But an addiction is an addiction and unfortunately something that never leaves an addict and something they battle with every day. So I'm just offering advice from someone who has been there, to perhaps read up on what to expect.

If you feel fine with it, that is also fine.

This is just a caring post, looking out for another member of this thread xx

Great news @WhatWhyWhen when where are you going 😉

Not sure yet, probably out for lunch. Did consider making food at mine as he said he’d come to me (I’m working so could do without the travel) but let’s face it, my will power to not, erm, well, date 3 activity SUCKS 😂

And for some reason I want to wait and build with this one!

Aw @WhatWhyWhen that sounds positive that you don't want to rush things with him. I'd not invite him to mine then as I couldn't be trusted!!

yeah I can see your reason for not inviting him to yours. But when it feels right, it feels right. I'm just pleased you sat on your hands and got your 3rd date @WhatWhyWhen

It’s other stuff I need to not sit on now

It just feels a bit different with this one, I want to DTD, but want to know him. it isn’t the headfuckery boom and bust and my obsession with their vulnerabilities with him. He’s steady but driven, alpha enough to handle me but not an ape and likes strong women, same interests, business skills, goals and my parents would APPROVE for once. Scary!

@WhatWhyWhen that sounds really positive!

Hahahahaha. Love that @WhatWhyWhen

Sounds very positive, just go with the flow would be my advice. Get to know him and when it's right it's right. DTD on the first, 5th, 10th date makes no difference if he's a good guy. And most importantly it feels right for you.

He sounds great! @WhatWhyWhen does he have a brother?!

Haha Notcool I’ll ask 😀 Not to wax lyrical but he also raised his kids when his ex pissed off.

Oh crap, I’ve just talked myself into wondering why he likes me

Oh no, wait, it’s because I’m hot

Now you are just showing off @WhatWhyWhen !!! He likes you because you are awesome. Enjoy your 3rd date.

Speaking about 3rd date... I’ve been on 2 dates and the guy was very interested (he also kissed me on the second date) and asked if I want to see him again. I said yes and we’ve been exchanging about one (meaningful) sms every 1-3 days for a week. But he hasn’t asked yet. I don’t want to become a penpal and it’s a bit grandpa speed. Do I ask if there’s still interest or too pushy?

@LonelyButterfly I need to know they are interested so I wouldn't ask. One text a day? I'd assume no interest and stop texting him.

Nothing to stop you from being direct and asking. I just know it would bother me having to do that. If a man wants to see you he will make it happen imho.

Whatwhywhen he sounds great 👍
And that's a good benchmark I'd put to the back of my mind before, would parents approve... my mum definitely wouldn't have approved of MissH nor the woman from Friday's party.
I have a date with MissTiny on Sun afternoon, and MissFashion also wants to meet on Sat evening but may push that back till after MissTiny. Woman from party wants to meet but I'm going to hold off on that based on friends wife's advice, although I imagine I may weaken if other dates don't go well.
And it's like she's got some kind of 6th sense that I'm talking to other women, MissH messaged to say can we meet on Sun. You'll all be pleased to know your advice has eventually sunk in, I said no 😉 that went down like a lead balloon!

@LonelyButterfly stop replying for a day. See what happens?

Lonely I’m with Notcool doesn’t sound like he’s making the effort, for me I’d still reply but he’d be a back burner and I would assume he’s going to fade off at some point, so keep looking.

Ant first time I’ve thought about it as well, but actually I’ve realised family and family parties/time etc are hugely important to me so actually they need to fit if that makes sense? So if you are the same keep it in mind.

SO PROUD of you for telling MsH no, next step block so she doesn’t catch you at a weak dating moment. I agree prioritise Miss Tiny as she’s giving you the second chance, then Miss Fashion.

Party girl, what was your read of her on the night because you can’t know mates wife was right unless she gave examples?

@Notcoolmum @supercali77
Thanks so much for the advice!!
The advantage of not asking certainly is not making yourself vulnerable or chasing...
When I didn't reply to his last message, he got in touch again (saying that there was an interesting event near the place we had our first date).

@WhatWhyWhen thank you! You are probably right. disappointing and pointless that people express how much they liked a date but then fade away..

Whatwhywhen yes that was my thinking, MissTiny gave me a 2nd chance so I should meet her first.
Party Girl, I was already partly aware what she could be like but am now fully up to speed 😂 it's got recipe for disaster written all over it because she also knows MissH (daughters are best friends). However she's fit and great fun, and it's like somebody telling you "don't press that red button". But I won't be going there, even I'm not that stupid!

@LonelyButterfly I'm not much of a texter, and can go quiet for a few days. Work, travel, child more than half the week. But, I do arrange the next date within a few days of the last and never flake.

There might be a few times where I'm really time poor and it's hard to pinpoint the next opportunity in a couple of weeks. I'll just let a date know the truth and arrange as soon as I can. But I'm not chatty every day.

@Ant330 I think YOLO applies here. You owe MissH nothing and she's the one that messed you about. As long as your honest with your intentions and give everyone the respect they deserve, I don't think the order you meet people is that important. Well that's me anyway!

Ant - well done for resisting MissH and for having dates lined up. Go you!
Whatwhy - sounds really promising. Fingers crossed for you.
I had my date with MrSolid on Sat. We got mega pissed, laughed, danced but didn't DTD for obvious reasons, lol. Found out he has a huge motorbike and nearly swooned when I saw it!

ANT DO NOT PRESS THE BUTTON

Says she, that presses it repeatedly, with a hammer, while doing a little dance of self destructive joy

TooOld that sounds brilliant and good self control, particularly with the bike. Bikes and guitars make self control difficult!