Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

@WhatWhyWhen I've only arranged one of 12 dates with Mr B. He is always keen to set the next one up and I like that.

No need to introduce your friend at his point. And he might not remember her face anyway. I often re swipe on people only to remember weve already chatted when the conversation repeats the same pattern hat for them unmatched!

@HairyArsedMan Thanks for that HAM, me too. From my perspective endless texting can lead to false impressions/wasted time if flaking happens/false intimacy (non sexual I mean) etc etc. And none of it is useful unless meeting occurs so yah......i'm glad to hear some men at least agree with this and don't feel 'emasculated' by the woman being the one to set it

Ginmel Malboro Enjoy your breaks.

I'm seriously thinking of doing the same.. I'm finding I'm too busy to keep swiping atm, so dating is very tricky...

whatwhywhen I completely agree, I don't think he's particularly said anything wrong, he just happened to say it to your mate 😂

Oh and in terms of opening messages, I just say "Hello Match!" to anybody I match with. Can only think of one woman that didn't reply, the rest all did.
There was a rule of thumb mentioned previously that if you're the person matching with one of your likes, then the person who sent the original like/swiped right should message 1st but tbf if I match with somebody I just message straight away.

Ant he’s very sweet, so feel for his error a bit, I’d be horrified Going to give him a chance as he’s perfectly lovely and I need to teach my libido not to only fancy massively overcomplicated unavailable wankers

@whatwhywhen It’s awkward but it happens, he might not even recognise her in real life. MrNN came on a rugby night out recently, he had fairly recently got with one of them, no biggie. He did obviously then become the subject to a fair amount of banter. I would just mention it be honest.

MrNN is off to Sweden today to spend a week with his parents ☹️

MrAd has just told me he's crazy about me! Date no 2 tomorrow 😊

@WhatWhyWhen I think men have said on here before that they don't mind women asking and in the early days of dating Mr R I often did the asking. In fact I would wonder if he'd gone cold and hairyarsedman and mrdrummer advised me to make another move. It's been four months now so I haven't frightened him away yet!

@Ginmel and @Marlboroandmalbec34 enjoy your breaks but come back as I'm keen to hear your updates.

@Sunshineandflipflops what a lovely update! It's about time you had a good one. Squeeeee!!!

I asked MrAd our first. He was relieved as he was too nervous about me saying no!

Yay Sunshine!!

Good luck to those taking time out from dating. And that's lovely Sunshine.

whatwhywhen I'd do what Simon suggested, and just mention it to him but laughing about it so he knows you're not bothered.
Oh and you can come and sit on my bench for the "attracted to completely the wrong types" 😂
I did it again on Friday at a party, got chatting to somebody there and exchanged numbers. One of my mates wife's described her to me afterwards as "if you think MissH was a headfuck, you have seen nothing yet, run and don't look back!". Ffs what's wrong with me!
Hoping MissTiny is reasonably normal and that I still like her for being so.

sunshine he sounds lovely! Just what you need 😉

@Ant330 it's not just you (2). I can spot a headfuck in a crowded bar full of appropriate men. I think it's the pheremones

Thanks @Ant330, he certainly seems so. Obviously the recovering alcoholic part isn't ideal but the plus sides seem to outweigh that so far.

Guys seem to be like buses, none for a while then all come at once. I'm trying to cram 4 dates into very little free time (obvs no exclusivity chats but it feels a bit wrong?!).
In order of preference: Mr Sweet, who has good conversation and is flirty yet gentlemanly (day date this week after I asked him). MrSmooth, who is older than me but a charmer, agreed casual and see where it goes (drinks tentatively agreed). Mr History who I feel a bit obliged to meet but not sure. And Mr Quiet, whose conversation lives up to his name. It feels so harsh to say no sorry I don't want to meet

So pleased to hear things are going well @Sunshineandflipflops have you read up about recovering alcoholics and alcoholics? I would prob advise you do, just before you get too over invested. It will help you prepare for things and understand his circumstances more. I only say this from someone who had 7 years with an alcoholic and 3 of those years he was a recovering alcoholic. So I know what lies ahead.

@Sunshineandflipflops I echo what @lifegoes says. They're always an addict, even if recovering. This then manifests itself in other parts of their life, such as seeking validation from others. Please be careful and don't get too carried away

Thanks @lifegoes and @RickDeckard. I have done some reading, yes and I have asked him questions, which he has been honest in answering.
I won't be getting carried away...I am quite a sensible woman (despite my MrSAS antics) but I don't think someone being a recovering alcoholic alone is enough reason to not give them a (tentative) chance when he has so much about him that is positive.
I'd like to hope someone would give me chance to be a better person if the shoe were on the other foot.

I agree with @lifegoes and @RickDeckard
My ex was an alcoholic. He was only briefly in recovery but the extent of his drinking was always hidden from me. What I saw was just the tip of the iceberg. A person becomes an addict for a reason. I'd be a little wary of how intense things are with him after one date. Sorry to be the voice of doom.

Sunshine I think what they are kindly trying to say is that you could be a replacement addiction for an addictive personality.

Sounds harsh (Northern, blunt sorry!) but just don’t overinvest and get hurt.

I’ve been there with an ex coke addict, calls until 2am, total adoration then boom. Gone all to much for him and onto the next addiction.

I hope it’s wonderful but protect yourself x

Feel really mean now saying that sorry. I just want to help protect.