Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Oh @Ginmel I hope you are ok. We are here for you if you want to chat

Oh my GOD the lack of imaginative or interesting openers is just so boring. I have a very detailed profile, can't they pick something out of it to start a conversation with?! Isn't that the point of a profile? Gah.

This thread has been a rocky road for a lot of you, but what's great to read is everyone is getting their head's straight, looking after their own needs and/or enforcing boundaries.

I bet there's hundreds of lurkers benefiting from the wisdom on here. I know I have for months and months before posting.

Sorry Ginmel I missed this. Take care of yourself.

@Ginmel Gah! Bloody hell. It really seems like break time on the thread doesn't it?

@Ginmel hope you’re ok.

Thanks all. I'm genuinely fine. I was going to take a break if Mr Unexpected didn't work out anyhow. Take care all

@Ginmel sending  gonna miss your words of wisdom.

@MoreNiceCereal tell me about it! It's just so tedious. My profile isn't super detailed but there is enough of decent information on there 😂

@NigesFakeWalkingStick In fairness, after being on bumble i can see why guys do it.....If I think the man is my type and i like his bio 'Hey' is enough for me to talk to him. No great opener will induce me to talk to him if I have zero interest

Aw @Ginmel will miss your straight talking on the thread.

I wondered if I should have taken a break after Mr S. I probably should do when things end with Mr B. After 8 years on my own I missed being touched and wanted and wasn't ready to give that up because Mr S didn't want that with me anymore.

I'm the same @supercali77 on Bumble. My messages are always mundane. How's your week. got plans for the weekend etc. I reckon if they like the look of my profile they will reply and if they don't then they won't. I'm not trying to wow them with my first message.

@Notcoolmum yeah my feeling on it is - in a bar - you wouldn't approach someone with a perfectly crafted opener. You'd just say 'Hey'..

Don't get me wrong, I've given it a go with the simple messages, but it's always the same - the messages start boring and stay boring. I'm not expecting philosophical essays or anything, but if things are limping along from the start I just can't do it.

So MrEP is still messaging but isn’t asking for date 3 which I find the frustrating stage, only saw him Saturday and he’s worked all weekend so totally normal, but my life needs to much pre-planning and I’m a bit of an organiser so need to sit on my hands not to ask if/when we are meeting again! Do you lot ask? I don’t want to as that’s part of the reason Mrheadfuck gave for ending it.

Whereas MrRugby is lovely and still messaging and I know he wants to meet again for date 2, which is think I should do but just not sure the spark is there. Perfect life fit and a gentleman though so do I give him chance.

Also he matched a friend of mine and was messaging (I’m ok with this it’s one date so no exclusivity!) but if we did get on he’d definitely meet her (she said she’s unmatched, who knows) as I do everything with her, so do I mention it? Awkward!!

@WhatWhyWhen It's a struggler for sure. I tend to wait the first few times before asking them out. Like, beyond several dates where it feels more like you're just both organising your weeks. Totally awkward when a mate matches with the same date! I'd maybe bring it up as a joke? Or maybe not at all hehe. Since it's early days it might make him paranoid for no good reason

I won’t then Super I shall fight my organiser side!

I’m seeing my friend tomorrow, so tempted to send a pic of us together with “day out” or something on it. Then I don’t need to say anything but he’ll be AARRRGGGHHH 😂 Too mean?? Deserves it for fibbing to her in the first few messages saying he had met someone on the app but didn’t feel the “spark”... while sexting me

@WhatWhyWhen Are you kidding he did that!?!?!? Send that pic hahaha. I mean what is life except a series of tragic comedies.

@WhatWhyWhen He said that to your mate?! I'd have ditched him there and then to be honest.

When I was on Bumble (loving the past tense there!) I had got to the stage of ‘Hey there X, it’s lovely to match with you. I’m Cassettes’. About 50% never replied, the rest did and some chats started a bit banal but warmed up, some in a good way. Previously If I mentioned stuff in their profile, 90% didn’t reply. No idea what this all means, just my experience

@CassettesAreCool it's interesting - I do wonder whether it is kinda deep down men want to put the graft in early on. They just like it. So, though you have to do the opener- the more minimal the better.......I just tried an experiment there and went all-in and asked the guy out, he says yes, then i set down the day and passed over my number. he's gone curiously silent. And this is why i never do it haha

Haha super he did, quite literally at the same time as she screenshotted To be fair I’m not too concerned as what’s he supposed to say on Bumble when mate asked if he’d met anyone? “Well yes I’ve been on a date, she’s hot and I’d quite like to sleep with her, but right now she’s not free for a few weeks and I’m not sure if she’ll ghost, so I’d like some more irons in the fire and you look quite pretty too, so message me?” 😂😂

I think ‘Hey’ is fine as an OLD opener. The problem is when it’s a creepy ‘hey sexy’ or whatever. MrSG’s first tinder message was something like ‘we have matched. Would it be OK to start a conversation with you?’. I thought it was cute.

@Ginmel and @Marlboroandandmalbec34 enjoy life on your breaks, will miss your contributions though 😉

@supercali77 I can't speak for all guys but I just want to get on with it, meet, see if there is attraction, and work from there with the utmost of integrity. If that's coming from the woman, all the better. Online dating is so plagued with flakiness that I just want to get to the firmer ground of mutual kindness and respect as a basis for moving forward.