Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

@FMFL he sounds a nightmare a total headfuck. If his profile picture disappeared and you had one tick he 100% blocked you. The picture would NOT disappearing if it was just a glitch. Sorry to be blunt, but you need to walk away from this guy. He's mentally destroying you and your mental heart is worth so much more. 😘

Mental health*

@lifegoes thank you.

I liked the idea of mental heart @lifegoes

He definitely blocked you @FMFL and your gut knows this. Time to get rid I think?

Yes. He’s come up with another crap excuse/diversion which shows me he has no clue how WhatsApp works and is therefore lying through his teeth. Ive told him we’re done.

I am sneakily Mumsnetting at work, but am at how many messages you all exchange!! Both Mr BC and I can't message during work, or on our commutes really, so that's 12 hours a day we can't. And we're ip early (5 or before) so are in bed early. We'd have to spend the entire couple of hours we have between getting home.and going to bed messaging 😂😂😂 What do you all do foe a.living? Do you not work out?? Shower?? Eat??

FMFL what a prat.

Excuse typos in previous post - shouldn't be on here at all so was rushing!!

I realise I know next to knowing about WA from reading this 

@FMFL - I think he probably did block you and is giving you an excuse. What is the state of the relationship? Is it exclusive? Or still in the dating stage? There is every possibility that maybe he has other irons and he blocked you to concentrate on another but that didn't work out and he's unblocked you. It all sounds a bit weird though. I've never been blocked on WA so I can't really comment on what happens.

@shitwithsugaron I think your message was good and to the point. I don't know much of the back history with MrB and as a parent it must be terrifying when your child is ill in hospital but if he's capable of messaging his ex and being supportive in her hour of need it stands to reason that he should have the time to see how you are, even if it's not as regular as before. I've not been in his situation but I know if I was close to someone when something difficult was happening in my life I would still want that person around - not keep them at arms lengths. I would leave the ball in his court, disengage as much as possible. What @Ginmel said has struck a chord and it seems that this guy has a back history of responding badly to high stress situations and it just doesn't sound nice for you.

Found a slight iron that lives local to me. But his chat game isn't that strong, and I'm not feeling huge amounts of wow when I think about going on a date. I think I'm a bit jaded with the whole thing, but know I'm unlikely to meet someone organically, I just don't go out that much being a single mum. I keep flirting between wanting to go on a massive swiping spree and then go towards wanting to delete the apps altogether. The endless repetitive nature of talking about myself is getting boring then there is the lack of confidence I have upon my self for being a chubster. Each time I've been on a date I feel this overwhelming fear they won't fancy me and it just wrecks my self esteem. Doesn't help that I'm still thinking of the guy I was briefly seeing, he was blatantly on a date last night after saying he didn't want to meet anyone and the reason it didn't work with us was because he wasn't ready.

@NigesFakeWalkingStick we’re still in the early dating stage. We’ve talked and he told me he’s not seeing anyone else, but he’s still on apps. If he did have a date/shag lined up I’d have hoped he’d have made it clear we weren’t exclusive...the fact that he’s lied to me suggests I wasn’t supposed to find out. Annoyingly though sent a message to my bestie this morning and it’s showing as one grey tick aargh! BUT her profile pic hasn’t disappeared.

I wondered the same @BatshitCrazyWoman
I have to eat, wash, work, cool, clean, see my friends, parent, go on mumsnet!!

I think Mr B's situation is out of the norm. And his ex is the only person who feels how he does. So it doesn't seem unreasonable they are pulling together out of worry and upset. I honestly wouldn't expect anything from him until things have settled down. I think@shitwithsugaron you run the risk of him feeling you have made his son being ill all about you even though I know that's not what you wanted. I'd lie low. Not expect anything. Not see his reaction as how he feels about you and reassess once things are in a more normal place. You may decide that his reaction to stressful events isn't one you can cope with and end things. But now isn't the time. I don't think I'd have said what you did about being the gf who ended things whilst his child was ill. I am sorry you are finding this tough.

My iron has agreed we are having fun and wants it to stay as it is. Huge relief!!

Yeh @FMFL one grey tick can mean the phone is switched off or out of signal. But the photo disappearing and the message never delivering shows you were blocked. Not muted.

And his saying he sent you a message at the same time. Pure BS. Love @supercali77 suggestion of asking him to screenshot it!!

Great news about Mr B's son being discharged. And so much better to see him face to face @shitwithsugaron

@Notcoolmum he couldn’t screenshot, he had deleted the message!

Hey dating gang. Happy Monday.
I havent caught up with the thread (10 pages behind)

I am having a month off. I deleted the apps and hidden my fab. Had a convo with Mr Big on saturday and told him I am finally done. I have deleted all my chats and I am concentrating on other things

Went out on saturday night with a friend and 2 men asked for my number but I said no. I really need a break from it all and I want to make sure that when I jump back in to dating its not with someone else (Mr Big) on my mind.

I might take a break from here too. So if you dont hear from me for a while best of luck to you all x

Hahaha of course he had @FMFL

Good for you @Marlboroandmalbec34 this seems like a really positive thing to do for you and your dating mental health. 👏 enjoy your time off the apps xxx

@BatshitCrazyWoman I have only been one one date with MrAd so far so there is a lot of time in the evenings we have to message each other. I don't watch a great deal of tv and don't go to bed that early.

I can use my phone at work for the odd message but I can't message constantly. So yeah...for us it's mainly in the evenings/weekends!

@FMFL Sorry I know this might feel shit for you right now, but can we at least chuckle at just how predictable he is?

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Sounds like a positive step for your own mental health x

Oh definitely predictable! I like the fact he doesn’t realise that if you send a message and subsequently delete it, it shows to the other person as having been deleted.

@FMFL I'd also question the why he deleted it. He's so full of shit and you've caught him out. Also re the him not dating others but is still on the dating apps 🧐

Good luck @Marlboroandmalbec34. I think taking a break is a good idea and well done for telling Mr Big it's over.

If things don't work out with MrAd, I will be taking a long break too. Whatever happens though, I feel like I've made a friend for life in him already.

Mr Canada said something this morning that I didn't like. No second chance. Blocked. Bye bye.

And I'm also taking a proper break now too. I'll be back.

Stay safe all and look after yourselves