Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Right I’ve asked him what’s going on.

@shitwithsugaron yes you’re right. I think I’m still slightly worried I’ve misunderstood but all the evidence to being blocked is staring me in the face. So I’ve gone for it.

It’s not always easy to get the wording right in the heat of the moment @shitwithsugaron. But you have asserted your boundaries.

My ex is 20 mins late. So I’m annoyed now too. In an ideal world I’d just have told him when we’d decided to put my house on the market but he’s a less than ideal human being and I cannot have a conversation with him about anything. I’m expecting unprincipled drama and veiled accusations of bad mothering when he gets here. MrSG would have done the handover for me this morning (because ex won’t say anything to him if he answers the door, and then I can field the bullshit by WhatsApp) but he’s away with work all week.

I hope you get a straight answer @FMFL. If he tries to bullshit you, you’d know he’s a wankbadger anyway.

No response yet...but it’s been delivered! God I feel so sick/shit with this.

@FMFL now I'm starting to question why mine only went one tick too!! Have I been blocked as well overnight ??? Aggghhh

@Candace19 did his profile pic dissappear? Has it now been 2 ticked? If either of those things then no. You probably weren't blocked

@Candace19 It’s horrible isn’t it! Mr B has come back expressing his surprise...so I’m questioning myself again!

But deep down I know the truth. I know I was blocked. I don’t know what to go back with, I’m tired of this constant second-guessing myself. I have been telling myself it’s all in my head but this definitely isn’t.

Sometimes WA does just take ages to deliver stuff. I’ve had mine stay in one tick for ages after I’ve messaged MrSG a few times and he definitely has never blocked me.

I did my handover and ex didn’t say anything. It was disconcerting. He did ask DS2 (who lied and said he knew nothing about it). So I’m expecting a WA interrogation at some point. He’s probably wanting time to make sure his accusations are passive aggressive enough 😂

@woomawang when he did message did your previous messages show as having been read (eventually)?

God sorry so self-absorbed this morning! Glad the handover went ok Woo

@FMFL That's kinda why I said not to bother asking - because of course he'll come back with surprise/glitch/how odd. And then you can go back to wondering if you're overthinking.

@WooMaWang Did his profile pic disappear at the same time and did the message never show up as 2 ticks, even when you chatted afterwards? I have never in all my WA'pping seen that unless it was a block/unblock

His profile pic has never disappeared. That would sound like a block/unblock. His ex has thrown temper tantrums and blocked him temporarily (he wasn’t being horrible, but she didn’t have a justification for some dreadful behaviour affecting the kids so she blocked him) and that is his he knows she’s done it. He finds it funny when it happens.

I’ve just noticed a few times that WA takes ages to actually deliver messages. So the ticks aren’t always truly indicative.

It does sound like @FMFL was blocked. There’s no reasonable excuse for that. It’s nit like it’s easy to do accidentally.

No, it’s pretty hard to do accidentally. If he came back and held his hands up and said ok yes blocked you because I got fed up with something (not sure what that would be, we hadn’t argued) then at least we could talk about it. The bullshit surprise is just that...bullshit.

Oh...response...weirdly he experienced the same thing...sent me a message at 11pm that wasn’t delivered ...and he’s now saying he mutes conversations occasionally. Mute is different to block!

@FMFL I'm laughing. Tell him to send you a screenshot

When I delete someone from contacts because they’re doing my head in, on WA in their chat my profile pic used to disappear. Mr Mad called me out on it and I realised that in my privacy settings I had it that only my contacts can see my pic. I’ve now got it set to everyone seeing the pic. I don’t want people knowing when they’ve got under my skin enough to be deleted!

FMFL I can’t remember whether this guy is a FB, FWB, exclusive or iron for you, but it does sound like he blocked you while seeing someone else, then tries to evade the question. It also sounds like for you this is not fun. I would be leaving him to it at this point.

@CassettesAreCool That's why i've got it set to 'all' too

I was so hoping I was wrong about this man. I didn’t trust my gut with ex even though it was pretty much screaming at me...Looks like I did it again !

Thanks @CassettesAreCool. One to remember for another time! WhatsApp knowledge is invaluable isn’t it!

@FMFL Yah, always trust the gut, it's been going off with this man for a while.... sometimes you just need a reminder. He's lying, block him, any further convo will turn into a web of second guessing for you

Agree with WA sometime taking an age to deliver message, I've had it happen a few times in the middle of a conversation. If you highlight the message you sent then select "info" it will tell you the time sent and delivered. But @FMFL I think this relationship with MrB is causing you more anxiety than it's worth tbh. This was one of your first irons that you met if I recall correctly? I'd really just back off, stop initiating contact and get swiping again. I think he"s playing you, and if you haven't had an exclusivity chat, then he's within his rights to see other people, but he needs to be honest about that so you can make an informed decision. Don't chat for weeks with any new irons, get a coffee date arranged asap with whoever catches your eye and move on from this. Dating should be fun, not angst ridden wondering will he /won't he? There really are lots of other men out there who will appreciate you and not mess you about like MrBucket. 🌻

@shitwithsugaron You obviously know MrB and his good points as well as his bad points. None of us are perfect and we can all act like wankers given the perfect storm of whatever pushes our buttons. I fucking cringe when I think about what a twat I've been sometimes with MrC, but he mostly taking it in his stride with the occasional eye roll accompanied by a "stop being a twat" bear hug. He is also not without his moments of twattery but I consider them to be the exception not the rule, and we all have our off days 🤷‍♀️

@Sunshineandflipflops So glad about MrAd, he sounds great. I think there's a lot to be said for second (and maybe third?) chances. If you'd never rekindled things with MrSAS, I've no doubt you'd still be comparing MrAd, and maybe every other iron to him, but now you can see there are people out there who can tick as many (and more) boxes with the knowledge that you tried to make a go of things with MrSAS but he couldn't give you what you deserved. Similar to @Ant330 and MissH - we need to give these people more than one opportunity to confirm that they are head fuckers, just so we're absolutely sure we've made the right decision by ending things and moving on.

@FMFL sorry I haven't followed religiously this thread....have you been seeing him a while ? Are you exclusive ? Part of me thinks that you're perhaps looking for signs it's wrong. It's so easy to convince ourselves there's an alternative meaning to stuff when in reality it's a very boring normal reason. If there is other stuff making you question him then fair enough but perhaps don't be too quick to jump to worst case scenario with the WA thing??

He’s such a twat.