Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

@notreallyacatfish Yes, you can look in your WhatsApp settings under data storage.

Notreallyacatfish glad you resolved your issues.

Watching from a far.. I am trying so hard to be brave enough to block my Mr.posh.. He isn't asking any questions back we had 2 dates. I am away on hoilday till Tuesday. I texted him Friday and he texted today.. I have no one else intrested. I have a request for FB ( who likes big girls ) .A few chats.. but nothing suitable.. I wish I was slim, chatty and lovely.. .Good luck fellow daters .Hope you all have a good week.

Haha @stealthninjamum I'm available for hire 😉 and thanks

Sunshine oh I never knew that, wish I had counted MrHeadfucks before deleting, guarantee that would have been sat around the 10-15000 we were completely obsessed with one another. Miss him tonight but not messaging, deleted the chat and number (though stored elsewhere in case I crack)

Oddly I just realised I have exchanged around 1,200 messages with MrRugby yet feel like I don’t chat to him much and it had no future Vs MrEasyPipe where it feels full on, who I’ve only shared 200 with. Weird?

Then I found 2000 from a number with no contact and it’s waaaaay down my WA forgotten archive, my ex husband, when we were trying to sort stuff out and he was basically ripping me off and fucking with my head. That was sobering reading, I was no naive!

God I sort of wish I didn’t know I could do that not

What's your hourly rate Ginmel 😂
I've now got an ex behaving like a twat, and having to keep quiet for my son's benefit.
However years of keeping quiet for an easy life don't do you any good with new relationships, I've learnt that if nothing else recently.

Sunshine happy to hear things are going well with MrAd 👍

The thread is reading a bit sad at the moment  sorry to hear all the bad news. @shitwithsugaron sorry Mr B isn't treating you well at all, I also think it's unfair of him to ask you then not want to talk about it. @notreallyacatfish have followed your posts and am glad you have resolved it. @Sunshineandflipflops lovely news about MrAD...squeeeeee! @HairyArsedMan good news about MissTiny...glad she didn't write you off! @JeSuisPrest i would definitely take that and fuck Mrs fucking beach knobhead. Quick update from me and MrT(all) today we went to Ikea!!! We spent a lovely day together and are going strong and also on nearly 20k messages on WA!

Sorry I haven't tagged everyone but am following everyone's posts and wishing everyone luck

Sorry @HairyArsedMan I meant @Ant330!

Oh shitwith I do sympathise with you, I really do, but having been in the life-changing uncertainty and torment that is mr b’s situation I sympathise with him even more. There is no easy way through this. Stepping back and going effectively NC with him unless he gets in touch would be my choice. It’s so hard though. His caring texts to his ex who is the only one who can truly share his torment are a testament to what a decent man he is in my opinion.

rick - you dog! Oh god, does that make me a man?

Hi guys. Mr B has ghosted me and I’m feeling really low. No explanation. We’d made plans to meet up in a couple of days time. I’m now blocked on WhatsApp ... I feel like total shit.

FMFL are you sure? From what I’ve seen it’s hard to be definitive about ghosting on WA.

shitwith I may be overdoing the Mr B’s torment thing. But I’m a strong, confident woman yet in the 7 days between DD falling ill and getting her diagnosis I ate nothing, slept not at all and lost the power of speech. You absolutely deserve respect and love but he is on a different planet right now.

@cassettes do you think? Messages not read, one grey tick, and his profile pic has completely disappeared...I googled and those are signs of being blocked apparently. I so hope I’m wrong but the outlook ain’t good

FMFL the single tick thing can mean out if signal/phone died. The loss of pic is more significant, I agree. When did you last see this guy? Can you call him? Would you want to?

Bored, went swiping tonight. Nobody is measuring up to Mr Joker whatsoever.

not overinvested at all, not me

We've only been chatting since last Thursday and we have 2k messages exchanged on WhatsApp

I didn't expect him to have time/inclination to chat whilst he's been away but there have been bursts here and there, which has been really nice. He's just kinda normal, so far. So far....

@fmfl

Sounds possible. I know one of my contacts can be single tick for a number of hours. Profile pic on its own doesn't mean too much.

The only sure fire way to know if you've been blocked is to add the contact to a group, as it'll tell you you're not authorised to do so. Obvs if you're not blocked, could be embarrassing, so maybe call it something random and if you're aren't blocked, remove quickly and send an apology that you'd added then by accident 👍

@CassettesAreCool I wouldn't want a reputation of being a dog! I was thinking this morning after the night with Miss Pixie (aka Miss IRL), that after two short stints of OLD since separating (now divorced) nearly 2 years ago, I've only dtd with women I've met IRL (1x ONS wedding 😬, 1x LTR old friend 12 mth, and 1x TBC).

Maybe I should stick to IRL 🤷‍♂️?

@FMFL Has he got a new phone? I have two I alternate between as one is a work phone with a dual sim, if I use my workphone until I actually open whatsapp I appear with no picture etc, the same happens when I put my sim back into my personal phone.

@shitwithsugaron It’s a really hard situation, MiniSJT had suspected meningitis last year, I woke up and he had the rash, was unresponsive and floppy (turned out to be sepsis). I didn’t take anything to the hospital with me as it was a huge rush when the ambulance arrived. When your childs ill you don’t have the head space to think about much else. My live in partner at the time was on a school trip to Ypres, it only dawned on me the next day (and about 28 hours later), that I hadn’t actually called him to let him know what was going on.

@FMFL It looks like it tbh. The signs are those 2 things plus you can't ever see him 'online'. Did you end up asking him what he wanted?

Anyway, i'm sorry, the best thing to do is take it as a lesson in gut instincts. Your anxiety told you. He was inconsistent, hot and cold. 2 signs to bail on. Please dont feel shit about yourself, think about what hes done, would you ever do that....to anyone you'd been seeing? Ime people never just do things once, it's a sign of bad character and that's not on you. Also...honestogod he can easily unblock and come back claiming a 'glitch'. I would personally block him to make sure, but definitely dont entertain anything like that.... its straight out of the headfuckers play book

@fmfl do you know if he has last years seen turned on? If he did and you can no longer longer see that then yep you may be blocked. Sorry

Also can confirm (just tried it there as I have 2 phones) if a contact blocks you and you create a group and add them it wont add them. I would do it just to confirm one way or the other so you're not wondering all day

Can I ask the lovely people talking about their ill kids (hope they are all well now) if you would have been rude to your current partner whilst still being caring to your x wife?

My concern about Mr B is that when he's stressed his comms are poor. His comms aren't pour just because his dc is ill. Its also far from the first time he has treated @shitwithsugaron badly. This is the bit that needs to change.

@fmfl last seen mot last years. Stupid autocorrect

Thanks everyone. Overnight his profile pic returned..but still only one grey tick . I’m going to give him til this evening to respond then if nothing block.

And thanks to you all (esp. @supercali77) for your advice. I think without exception you all called it on this guy. It’s a hard lesson to learn.

@FMFL ok because I'm basically a part time MI5 agent apparently and i have 2 phones. I blocked my other phone. No profile pic and 1 tick. Then I unblocked it. The message was still 1 tick but the profile pic came back. The message was never delivered to the phone. I sent another message when unblocked and it was delivered . Easier to see in a pic. My assessment.....he blocked you overnight so he wouldn't get messages at an inconvenient time 🕵️‍♀️ Other folks here might think there are more innocent reasons. I'm saying it's this purely because you already had bad vibes about him