Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Hmmm yes betty I'd be annoyed at the BUT part. It's beginning to sound like it's all about the benefits (to him) and not about the friendship. Ask yourself though - are YOU really all that interested in this and, if so, why? Do you just want him because he wants you, or are there other things - quality of sex, warmth of conversation, tightness of hugs - that gives this FWB real legs?

I am interested in him, it’s been good until this past week, something has changed and I can feel it. I don’t want a relationship with him but he always made me feel as he wanted me sexually. He would always text me first Now it feels he’s lost interest, that comment about the BUT is never something he’s said before or would say. He’s still not replied or read my message. It feels like it’s a game now and he’s in control and I don’t know what to do.

So Mr Chef has just ousted himself. A good back and forth over the past day, discovered he's literally out of a long term relationship as of a month ago, clearly looking for the D. Nothing wrong with that, but has been giving it the big 'I'm not like that' lecture, then got drunk last night and started getting hot and heavy in his messages. I was asleep and they all came through at 2am. He's now said he's not ready for a relationship and just wants a friendship 😂

I highly doubt he's telling that to the other tinder prospects and it's more that I didn't immediately respond in kind to his sexy texting 😂

betty to take back a sense of control honestly the best thing is to put it out of your control - delete number and chats so you can’t contact him, see what happens

cassandra if you need to know then you need to know! See rule 12.

I never thought about it that way! He did Ask me first if I’d enjoyed it, he replied with that. You could be right and I’m just overthinking it because I’ve text him first.

@CassettesAreCool thank you. I did read that suggested on here to another and thought I should try it. I’m going to do that now. Thank you

Missed your tag for the first part of my post @CassandraGemini

I’m totally lost on the thread but!

Betty I think leave it now and see if he texts
Ginmel nothing wrong with butterflies it’s a nice feeling
notreally I’m lost on what he’s done wrong to be a no go. But if you are getting flags chalk it up and move on. At least you’ve broken your fear and know he still fancies you after the FT!

I’ve just had lunch with MrEasyPipe in town. He’s so easy to get on with, totally the same interests and time available. I don’t feel stressed or overinvested. It’s just simple. So all good!

WhatWhyWhen his contact the last 3 days has shifted compared to what it had been, with no explanation (not that I've asked). Very brief responses if at all. Said he would call and didn't. Rejected my return FT call last night but no acknowledgement (e.g. sorry I was on the phone, or sorry I was just heading to bed). The call didn't just ring out, it says rejected on FT.

I'm not convinced he is interested in me per se, I just think he may be lonely and liked the attention. The contact now feels like low level back burner. Given the amount he liked to talk on the phone before, I suspect the last 3 nights he's been talking to someone else. Which he's entitled to do but I'm not going to be the fallback girl this time.
But do you think I'm being too harsh? I can over analyse stuff and be creative with my suspicions but I've also (like many of us) been burned before.

Sorry meant to add that sounds very promising with MrEasyPipe. Have you arranged another date yet?

Ah yes then, no fallback girl and rejecting and not texting a reason is rude! Good for you on boundaries.

Not yet we are both ridiculously busy but I’d be surprised if we didn’t as the talk was all future talk if that makes sense. Not long term love bombing bullshit which I hate just easy “oh yes we could do that” kind of stuff.

@WhatWhenWhy - got to ask, why MrEasyPipe?

Apologies - @WhatWhyWhen !!

Ha I was going for the funny naming thing! References how easy to talk to he is and the fact he looks like a pipe smoker (joke!).

Mr Ad has just sent me a selfie as he's had a hair and beard trim. I may keep looking at it every few minutes 😍

I’m excited at no more swiping, no more staring aghast at sad faces in lorry cabs, no more sick rising at the vile things men text, no more heart sinking at banal and badly spelt messages. It feels scary but really exciting to let that all go and reclaim my precious time.

^this^

Like @cassettesarecool I've done 2 years of crazy ups and downs, more downs than ups, and it's time to stop. Permanently or temporarily I don't know right now. But I do know that I've got a dissertation to write and plans for the future to put into action. Student mothers of young children just aren't that appealing to men of my age (late 40s) in the online world. Perhaps IRL they're more forgiving. Anyway, I hope I can still hang around on the fringes and who knows - maybe I'll meet The One in the frozen aisle at Tesco! I shall be rooting for all of you from the sidelines anyway.

Trying to catch up and the thread is moving fast! scotgal what a fuckwit! After three fucking months! I hope you're okay?

Cassandra i know a bit how you feel - I think it's good to ask how he sees things progressing. I'm saying that knowing I don't have the guts to ask Mr BC 😂

I saw this and thought of a few people but mostly @JeSuisPrest x

putastraw I’ll budge up on the frozen bench for you

Seriously, I’ve felt so good today and got a lot done - multiple trips to the dump with weird shit XH had tucked away in corners of my overgrown garden. It felt like getting rid of the fuckwits and headfuckers off OLD, and creating space for my life to grow again. Hmmm. I’ll probably succumb to boredom in the lonely evenings and start over again soon!

I’m off to Mr Skinny’s in a bit, he still seems keen to see me, he has been out drinking with his friend this afternoon and might be a bit tipsy (can tell as he calls me “babe” when he’s tipsy), we will be spending tomorrow together too. Feeling a bit stressed out, I haven’t broke wind in front of this guy yet 🤣. Im sure all will be ok but it’s all a bit scary when things get more serious.

Love - haha! I never did with MrWow but the relief when he left and I closed the door, lol.

@Sunshineandflipflops You must have a 6th sense, you've no idea how much I needed to see that. I'm in serious self sabotage mode and cleaning the house like a woman possessed to stop myself sending a "fuck this shit" message to MrC who has messaged me an hour ago telling me he's sat in the garden having drinks with Beach Lady and her fucking dysfunctional family. I've got visions of her all over him like a cheap suit (I know she's not), I've just said "Sounds good, have a nice time, chat later.xx" He's none the wiser and we're spending tomorrow together, so I need to take a step back and chill the fuck out. They're. Just. Friends. Mostly she doesn't bother me but today, OMG I'm spoiling for a fucking fight, I can feel it and I know I'm being completely irrational. Nearly 5 months and I still get like this - thanks wanker STBXH for making me a paranoid, insecure mess. Oh and he told me he loved me yesterday, but we were DTD so it doesn't count 😳😂