Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Sorry the message less was if you are messaging too much. My blepharitis is really bad so I can't see the screen.

He doesn't get a name yet but the guy who matched then dropped 3 times has popped up with a new profile and matched again. So I have sent a message asking why he's doing it and why bother if he's not going to reply. If he doesn't reply then I'll block the new profile too but honestly, isn't life too short? Maybe he gets his kicks from it?
The problem for me is that his face is becoming strangely familiar, it's like seeing a friend pop up! Part of me hopes he's just incredibly shy but I doubt it. Statistically he's more likely to be getting off on the match/drop/match cycle right?

Totally agree @Ginmel the min you start doubting it all. Is the min you need to back off. I've been in that situation questioning if I should text. Or should I hold off. The truth is, the more you overthink it, the worse it gets.

Personally, ego, games and overthinking can damage things. But always trust your gut. If you question something, understand why you are questioning it

@lifegoes thanks, I'm still working on implementing good boundaries. OLD has been an eye opener after 22 years of being "off the market" and it has been a learning curve for sure! I'm improving my boundaries and although I still have days where I feel I'm never going to find anyone (I am happy single but it's nice to have someone you know?) and I'm tempted to let men get away with bad behaviour I keep telling myself that the right one will come along (eventually lol) and will like me for me & will respect my boundaries.

@supercali77 thanks, yes who knows what goes on in their heads. Mr Ghost has a DD17 with a boyfriend, I wonder how he would react if someone did that to his DD? Indeed, it seems none of these men seem to consider feelings of other people, it's quite sad.

Anyway leaving soon for holiday, just read hurricane in Florida is now a category 5 so it's going to be an adventure to start with for sure! . If I'm stuck in the hotel I'll catch up with the thread

@scotgal2017 I do feel you there. I'm single and it's strange I want someone to want me. And I often think back to previous ones and think what if I'd just put up with that. But I'm at a stage where I refuse to let my boundaries slip. Due to the hurt of doing so previously. Have a wonderful holiday, it will do you the world of good. Hopefully the hurricane isn't so bad by the time you get there.

Have a great holiday @scotgal2017
Agree with you too @lifegoes

So MrFacetime has sent me a morning message (literally just 'morning catfish'). I had a missed FaceTime call 10 mins ago (didn't hear it) and he's just tried to FaceTime me again and I rejected it. So he will know I rejected it like he did to me last night (with zero acknowledgement in his message this morning!). I'm waiting for another message with a ? now...

I renamed him in my phone book as 'DO NOT REPLY!!!' it definitely helps.

Oh low and behold, a message as I write this! 'Sorry was trying to show you something lol'

Hmm. I expect he's going to be in touch a lot today.

That’s it, all gone! I feel like a weight has lifted from my shoulders. Bye bye OLD, hello - who knows?

See @notreallyacatfish it really works. Play the silence and suddenly they know they've done something wrong. Silence speaks a thousand words as it creates doubt in a man's mind. Now if you wish to chat with him, that's up to you. But you've made him see you will not tolerate shit behaviour. By saying nothing at all.

Go @CassettesAreCool! Your plan sounds like a great one and I really hope it works for you. Even if you don't meet a man, it sounds like you will have a great time doing fun things.
If things done work out with MrAd I will be doing the same x

I'm on my way to Pride with my daughter so looking forward to a day with her as she doesn't hang around with her mum much these days.

@Ginmel I think the issue tends to be that posters feel they are doing the chasing and initiating conversations. The worry or stressing comes when communication doesn't feel equal. Then you start to second guess. If things were balanced you wouldn't feel that stress or anxiety. So it's not about volume. It's a representation of interest.

@notcoolmum okay thanks for explaining that. Personally I think if they want to contact us they will. If they don't want to they won't. Contact should be relatively equal and I'd take it they weren't interested if I was having to do the initiating. I like to keep things simple in my head though...

I have butterflies about meeting Mr Unexpected later. Don't want those! Haha.

notcool - yes you may be right. He was so promising! Apparently he fell asleep, woke up not feeling good and went back to sleep. He's binned. I know that sounds pretty but it wasn't the first time he'd done that to me.

So, after a bottle of wine I messaged MrSolid, I know it smacks of desperation! We've had an on/off thing for ages. He's been a good friend in the past. His shift work was a problem previously and he lives in a remote area so we just drift apart then drift back. Now I have my own car, not such a problem! Watch this space, lol.

Sounds great @Sunshineandflipflops hope you have a great time with your daughter

I don't blame you cassettes, sounds like a good plan. Good luck ginmel, updates awaited.

He replied back to my joke message. Asked if I’d enjoyed it. Said I had. He said he did too but gutted we’d not been able to do more. (A position we had said we were going 2) swapped another few texts but then he left me n unread and has been online.
Am I overthinking this? I’m feeling he’s not interested anymore or didn’t enjoy it.

@SimonJT that's good advice. i feel those dating advice websites contribute to overthinking (and i don't need help with that!).

@lifegoes yes! dating has changed so much! i remember that a guy who i was with 15 years ago for 3-4 weeks actually insisted to meet in the park to break up properly, while the guy i was in a relationship for 2-3 months didn't even bother to send a sms to break up.

@Ginmel absolutely agree with you. for some reason, it always feels one-sided (lots of texts from guys until date 1 or 2, then dying down) but maybe it's because i pick the unavailable type of guy or because girls text more naturally, i dont know. but in any case, if it feels hard work at early stages, something's not right.

I'd be so tempted to say something. I admire your strength for not btw. Coz I'd be all WTF you absolutely rude fucking cock. Who do you think you are 😂😂 @LonelyButterfly

Yes @Ginmel plenty of updates please. I'm excited for you.

@Bettyboobies I'm not sure of the circumstances or why you feel he's not interested anymore. If he wasn't interested wouldn't he just say.

If he wasn't interested wouldn't he just say.

😂😂 sorry this made me laugh. Given the various PP from the last day or two then I would say probably not 😂😂 it should certainly be this simple though.

@lifegoes oh yes he had a less polite message from me to read and i dropped off his belongings at his workplace reception - as his response what i should do with them was: "let's worry about that later" (1 month after he'd ghosted).

@notreallyacatfish ha actually that's a really good point. I just meant from his replies to her.

@lifegoes it was his BUT part. It just didn’t feel like he was interested.

Just read this and I thought some of you may like it...