Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Super how are you not still asleep with a hangover I’m pathetic!

Not sure about prickadvisor, just looked at my local and it’s a load of calling out paedos and men yanking other men out of houses saying they are “child protection” when they are just thugs in hoodies. Bit life destroying if it’s malicious not true?

But then I’m in an arse end of rough area surroundings so

@WhatWhyWhen I tend to wake up early. My daughter has trained me. I'll go back to bed in a bit! Just having a cuppa. Yeah my area is slightly better than that (city)

@CassettesAreCool I am so loving your update / decisiveness here. Yas!

When do you think is the right time to kiss and when to get intimate with someone?
I have the feeling men disappear quickly. Both OLD and IRL. It makes no sense to me that he’s keen on me on one day and then they reply with crumbs at grandpa speed afterwards. But maybe they would have disappeared even without physical stuff?
my friends tell me to wait 2 months for sex and not kiss in the first weeks - that sounds really hard!

Sounds like a great night @supercali77
I've lost the ability to sleep brought a hangover as well. Hope you get a nana nap later.

Wow @CassettesAreCool you have been busy and reasonably successful. I assume your fwbs know about each other and are happy about it. Did it feel strange having 2 at first. Do they see others? I realised I didn't like the idea of My FWB sleeping with others. But then I worry being exclusive tips us into a relationship. I like things how they are.

@tooold I agree with @supercali77 you did say Mr BE was flakey in the past and that's why it ended. He is unlikely to change. Do you think that perhaps you rushed into it as you wanted it to work after Mr Wow?

lonely only you can decide on sex but not kissing for weeks sounds odd! What if you like them and they are a rubbish kisser?Kissing on the first or second date if you like them all the way!

Your friends are talking bollux lonely. Kiss when you feel like it, DTD when you feel like it. These things are important for establishing how you feel about someone. I don’t DTD on a first date but I always kiss (unless there is nada there). Those are my rules that work for me, but you have to find your own that work for you. It’s not about how they feel/think about you, it’s about how you feel/think about them.

@LonelyButterfly are your friends OlD? If not ignore their advice!!

I hate not kissing on the first date. I need to know if we have the spark before I start investing. 3 dates is my average for sleeping with them. Generally on date 2 it's clear we are both up for it!! I don't honk there is a magic formula.

Men on this thread have said it hasn't changed how they see their iron if they have sex early on or later. I would only think of waiting to protect my self. I like sex. If a man ends things after sex I don't blame it on the fact I was too easy. I blame on the fact he was a dick after one thing and feel relieved it didn't drag on for me to get hurt.

Completely agree with @Notcoolmum - if I like someone enough to DTD, I'll do it. If it turns out he buggers off afterwards, that's his personality flaw and no reflection on me. I won't buy into the idea that a woman's virtue must be guarded or whatever. It takes two to tango etc etc.

Thank you @WhatWhyWhen @CassettesAreCool @Notcoolmum !!
I totally agree, it's so important, I don't want to invest in someone who seems nice but when I kiss them, I feel nothing. Also good to know what men think about this - there is soooo much dating advice on Google but when you follow it, situations actually can get worse instead of better.
I feel used and disrespected when they disappear after intimacy or sex (that's why I mainly don't do it), even thought "gosh I must be so rubbish", but now I know it has nothing to do with skills.

Same problem with initiating texts in the first weeks. Advice says don't do it. and when I do, usually it doesn't appear they've been shy, they've rather been "busy" (I don't believe in too busy).

I suppose with someone who is interested, you can't do it the wrong way because there is no confusion.

@MoreNiceCereal thank you! really good way to see it and protect self worth.

Advice needed I’ve got a FWB. We’ve been going for a few months DTD twice. Don’t always chat but never go a few days without. DTD on Wednesday night all was good. We chatted on Thursday it was normal. He replied to a message with hahaha and so I left the message there. I’ve not heard from him since. I want to reach out but don’t want to seem needy or bothered. Do I wait for him to contact me or do I message him.

@LonelyButterfly your last sentence cracked it completely. With the right person there is no confusion.

betty equally, he hasn’t heard from you since. If you’ve got something to say then say it.

@Bettyboobies it is a fwb if you've only had the benefits twice in a couple of months?! 😂

I wouldn't chase him. I'd follow @lifegoes and @supercali77 Advice and delete his number and messages. He can get in touch if he wants to but it stops you from reaching out to him.

I don’t have anything to say, but it would be nice to hear from him.

notcool my FWBs know I’m free to see other people, as are they. We don’t go into any details at all, but I would tell them if I was planning to DTD with a new person.

@Notcoolmum work commitments meant we haven’t been able to see each other. We make up for it in other ways. I don’t want to come across as I’m not interested but want him to message me. We don’t often go longer than 2 days without speaking. I just feel the need to hear from him today.

So much to catch up on and I was on the thread late last night 🤦🏻‍♀️

@TooOldForThis67 agree with @supercali77 it's the title of this thread.

@Bettyboobies @Notcoolmum is right. You are seeking validation right now. If you are doubting sending him a message then you need to ask yourself why. If it was a comfortable situation you would just send something.

@LonelyButterfly Theres no right time that works for everyone, just a right time that works for you. Personally I wait quite a long time before having sex with someone, but everything else is fair game from day one.

Betty always a tricky one, he sent the last message here though and there are no relationship prospects so if you want to text then text.

Though I’m going to start following advice on here (as I am in relationship search) and if the messaging feels like I’m chasing/uncomfortable then I’m out now!

Sent a jokingly message. I’m worried now he’ll not reply or ignore it and I’m left in doubt

@Lovemusic33 hope you're ok. Weird how it feels different isn't it?!
I really think and hope it's my hormones and the fact he's got his youngest this weekend. I slept over Thursday night so yesterday morning he was asking when he'd see me next, told me he really likes me in text after I sent a soppy one, rung me last night. I'm just overthinking it all and wanting more as I'm so into him. Going to back off today, well try. Hope mr skinny gets his act together x

@LonelyButterfly I agree with others on here. Do it when it feels right to do it. 1st date, 5th date. Never. Whatever is right.

I've got a friend who always says you should stick with a 4 date rule for sex. She's been married 7 years. She hasn't got a clue what dating is like these days.

I'm really surprised how many people post about message stress. I'm sorry to say I don't get it. If they like you, it won't put them off. They'll be happy to hear from you and / or ask you to message a bit less. People shouldn't be trying to second guess something like this and if the relationship status is hanging on such a thin thread its probably going to break anyhow.

I know it's easier said than done to not over think things but please just be yourselves.

@CassettesAreCool fantastic idea. Please stick around and keep us updated.