Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

@tickettocrazytown don't be silly. Try tinder and bumble. I hate POF tbh and I'm 40.

Well done notreally. I'm sure you looked great and you've got the 'first' one over with.
shitwith Glad you two are back on form. Shame about the trip but totally unavoidable.

Well, MrBE has been messaging, albeit briefly. It's now 7.20 and we are supposed to be going out but despite trying to pin him down, nothing! Yeah, I might get a msg soon but I'm fed up now and opened a bottle of wine. Son is at my Mum's for the night. Could scream!

@scotgal2017 ghosted after 3 months?! What the bloody hell is wrong with some men. Sorry you are going through that.

I actually checked if it was a full moon earlier due to the shitty behaviour we are hearing about today!

Hope you have a fantastic holiday scotgal. In a way it's good he's vanished now, before you go as it saves all that angst spoiling your holiday, if that makes sense?

@TooOldForThis67 fuming for ya, what's he playing at? Not even sure I'd bother if someone dicked me around like that without a solid explanation 😕

Ghosted after 3
Months @scotgal2017 that's shocking behaviour. What an arse.

Mr Joker messaged me back, I feel like a teenager squee! Hahaa

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking rich. He's not even read my last msg. 😪

I agree with Rick, Tooold. I'd be telling him if he pipes up that you assumed he wasn't coming. So you've made alt plans. Snooze you lose boyo. 💁🏻‍♀️

notreally FaceTime is the pits, everyone looks appalling on it - in your shoes I would just tell him you don’t like it and want to converse on the phone like grownups, save gazing into each other’s eyes for meeting up in person.

@notreallyacatfish @Notcoolmum yeah, didn't think he would be the type, was total opposite of abusive ex and the manchildren I've previously met on OLD, but hey ho, his loss. @TooOldForThis67 thanks, me and DCs really excited. Yes I know what you mean, better to find out his true colours 3 months in, just would have been nice if he had acted like the 40 year old he is supposed to be and just message to say he wasn't interested anymore, but used to it now, it happens to me often lol x

Do people think it's better to ghost than telling the truth? What is going to make them look worse? In the early days, when the comms slows down both sides then a slow fade is ok, that's the only time it's acceptable or if they have behaved badly. I will never fathom people out.

Can't stand ghosting, I think honesty is lost these days. People who Would rather just not text and let it drop off than say, are rude, ignorant, weak people. I personally prefer to send a message no matter ho hard it is to send. If something isn't working, say!!

The funny thing is, the men that ghost you or just back off completely are the ones that come back 6 months down the line.

@scotgal as resigned to this as you sound it is just crap. Are you going to block him?

@tooold did you used to have to chase him? Mr U has reminded me what it's like when men are interested. Checked location, what I drink, restaurant and timings. Even if he and I don't work out, this is what I want. A man who wants to see me.

Definitely @Ginmel Mr S used to ask if he could pop over sometimes as he couldn't wait to see me. Mr B is telling me how much he wants to see me and asking if I can meet earlier tomorrow. This is definitely on my list of musts in a future relationship!!

I agree @Ginmel thats exactly what I want. That want and desire from a man, I need to see that or else it just feels failed.

Wow this moves fast scotgal that’s appaling after 3 months!! I’m sorry.

notacatfish yey you did it and he called back so over the bump and I’m sure it’s fine! He seems to like you for you!

tooold sod that, just lie about doing something else brilliant tonight when he does message then delete and block.

morenice yey for you a positive one!

Agree with @lifegoes and @notcoolmum it's really lovely. No prompting or anything needed. He's just done the lot, checking as needed that I'm okay with it all.

So I seem to have gone from none to too many in a week just by using my child free time , but I’ll lose some no doubt. Holland bloke wants me to go celebrate before he goes back (erm no). MrRugby who is adorable and perfect on paper (we’ve dated once) is still chatting and I do want to do date 2 but not sure I fancy him enough eek.

Iron 1 (no name as haven’t met yet) is away with his kids meeting when he gets back and seems a good match, intelligent, alpha, cute.

And MrEasyPipe I met on a whim who is seemingly perfect for me (same style job, interests, attractive) is all hot under the collar and wants to see me tomorrow.

Then we have my own personal headfuck who I can’t seem to leave alone after he split up with me but keep messaging and getting steadily more involved. Tricky as I really really connected with him but we aren’t right for each other and I don’t think he even wants me. My fault I’m keeping it alive. Need to delete

Then finally MrNucleur of the USA wants to book flights here for next week despite me telling him I stopped talking as I was seeing someone (the headfuck) and I have my kids so have no time.

That’s forgetting the 4 I’m still talking to on the app.

SO as I’m crap at multidating if I meet MrEasyPipe for date 2, the rest have to go right?? Right? Argh I’m in a tangle of my own making due to being a reactive knobber over MrWankerVictimBlamer.

@Ginmel, I'll block him on Whatsapp shortly, just been stupid busy this week with allsorts.

@shitwithsugaron, yes it is but I was slightly guarded due to ex and having been ghosted a few times before. We were messaging everyday, then I would be the one messaging him first all the time, then he cancelled a coffee date. I sent last message and refuse to send anymore, I will not chase.I'll definitely have a great holiday with my sunglasses on to get over it

Thanks @Whatwhywhen x

@lifegoes, yes STBXH was the biggest manchild going and all the men I've spoken to/met on OLD since then are the same. I've dated younger and older and it's all the same. I've upped my boundaries since STBXH was abusive, controlling and treated me like shit for 20 years, so I just suppose it's going to take time to find someone who respects my boundaries and sees my value. I've only had one guy who ghosted me come back, that was a week after he stopped communication and he couldn't seem to understand why I wasn't responding to him messaging, he was acting like it had been 24 hours only since we last spoke

@WhatWhyWhen well Mr EasyPipe is a given and the date is only tomorrow so I think just meet him and don't make any decisions about binning off others until after the date.

Definitely bin off the headfuck though. I'm a bit cautious about the guy flying over from the USA. It sounds romantic but I think it's bonkers of him!!!

Anyway I FT back MrFacetime after DS was asleep and he rejected it pretty quickly. This was about half an hour ago. No message. I suspect he's on another call, which he is perfectly entitled to do but I just don't know if I can be bothered with all this anymore. He's been different the last 3 days. I'm wondering if someone else is interesting him more which is why he's been less available, but he's keeping me on the back burner. Maybe I'm just being a bit creative with my thoughts.

@CassettesAreCool where were you even an hour earlier 🙈 I kinda wish I didn't ft him now.

@scotgal2017 I think how far you've come already Is amazing, it can be really hard to even find your boundaries and stick to them. So good for you, I found that once you keep your boundaries in tact and learn more about your self worth. You seem to reject more men, because you won't tolerate shit.
I do agree with childish men on OLD, I find the younger ones are good but then realise they lack maturity. The older ones, have been married and are just looking for as much attention as they can. So drift from one woman to another.

But you should be very proud of how far you've come.