Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

I know a few people @Lovemusic33 that have got upset over a divorce. Even when it's dragged on for years and they hated each other. The man had upset tears because he couldn't believe it was all officially over.

I will give him a bit of space, would just like to know what’s going on as I have arranged child care so I can stay over tomorrow night, I don’t want to stay over if he’s on a downer.

Rick I dont get how you talk on Insta? Mind I have mine locked down as I post pics of my kids.

Love I agree. Maybe ask if he needs the weekend. I detest my stbxh but I imagine I might feel strange when my absolute eventually comes through!

Supercali hahahahahah

@Ginmel I wish I was as good at stalking as you if love to see mrL’s ex just to be nosey lol

He’s the one that’s invited me over tomorrow night. I will just back off a bit and if he’s too drunk tomorrow I won’t go.

@ccgirr fortunately I didn't see any pics of her. Just discovered her name and that they are divorced and have been for many years. That's all I need to know about her.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 you can direct message anyone on Instagram. Doesn't matter if you are private. If you click on the home button. You will see an arrow in the top right corner. Takes you to all your messages.

If you want to message someone you can click on their profile click on message. If you don't follow them, click on the 3 dots in the top right corner.

@lifegoes @Marlboroandmalbec34 yep, all you need is the Instagram ID/handle (whatever you call it). I've trimmed my Instagram down to being more about me. There's still pics of my DD, but it's not the focus. I use FB for all the more personal stuff now.

Eek glitch in the matrix. I'm sure I posted a reply to @Lovemusic33 and now I can't find it. Madly checking my other social media in case I accidentally wrote it there

@Lovemusic33 I would take going out for drinks and having you stay as good signs. Does he often get upset after he's been drinking or something?

Gimel he’s going out for a drink before I go over (with his best mate). I have heard from him, It wasn’t his degree absolute. Just worried as he usually texts me a lot more, today he’s taken ages to reply, maybe I’m just over thinking things. I’m off to a party tonight which will keep me busy and stop me phone watching. I think I’m just getting worried as I don’t usually get past the 2 month stage without something going wrong.

Hi, is it some kind of renegade again or something?? Communication seems to be crap today. Been seeing mr spark for three weeks and we've seen each other at least 3 -5 times a week. We both really like each other, booked a weekend away soon and he's told all his family (except teenager) about me. I've met friends and very briefly eldest child. He's lovely and caring but I'm feeling meh today, doubts starting to creep in that it's all too good to be true and why would he want to be with me. Due on in a few days- hoping it's just that but messages have died down a bit 😢. Think I just need a bit of reassurance.
Happy birthday @Ant330 for yesterday

Lilly that’s exactly how I’m feeling. I have now messaged him telling him to have a nice evening, I will go out and try and forget about him for a bit, messaging has been rubbish all day. I think we all need a bit of reassurance sometimes but I guess it works both ways (I do try).

Oh @Lillyrose19 @Lovemusic33 I do feel for you both. It's awful when you starting down things, hormones plays a big part for me. Always a week before that time of the month. I've seen a guy message more but because I've started the convo off. I've felt he wasn't interested or started to read more into the conversation. It's as we start to accept that we like them we worry they'll pull away. I'd def try to keep yourself busy.

I really found just going out for a drive helped as I couldn't keep checking my phone and it passed an hour. Or even a walk. As the more I sat around the more I felt I was just phone watching.

@Ginmel ha it’s the picture I want to see. Probably so I can torture myself 🤷🏻‍♀️

Agghhh soooo he just FaceTimed and wasn't expecting me to actually show my face and he went 'ahh' in shock and was really surprised and it was a bit awkward. And he said 'you're nervous aren't you' 😞 the past two days I made myself presentable but tonight I have no make up on, my slouchy black top which probably makes me look huge but is cosy. And the black washes me out as I'm pale 🙈

Tbh I wasn't expecting a call at all and when he switched to FaceTime video to show me something I just didn't even think twice and accepted it.

@notreallyacatfish try not to overthink. It’s done now. He’s seen you in your scruffs and will Get a nice surprise when you actually make an effort.

@supercali77 I was talking to a few originally, but seemed to have more in common with Mr Elusive... We met, it went well, met again a couple of weeks later and dtd
Since then we've been unable to fix another date (due to a very busy few weeks of work on his part). I have called him out a couple of times but he seemed like he was still interested.
I feel stupid now... I need to get a grip and move on. That was my first experience since my husband left a few years ago, so maybe I over invested a lot!!

What I've learned about old is that if a guy is interested he will make the effort. Only my experience and of course I do my part too.

@Ginmel I think a lot of people like a good stalk, I only have instagram, it’s private and I have only let a few people follow me. So I’m a huge disappointment for someone wanting a good stalk.

@shitwithsugaron I hope they have a diagnosis soon, it must be very stressful and scary for everyone involved to still be waiting to find out exactly whats wrong.

@notreallyacatfish I’m sure it was just surpise and not anything bad.

Fridays are usually softplay, the elusive fit dad was there, I haven’t seen him there in ages, so softplay was slightly less mind numbing.

MrNN is coming over tonight, MiniSJT has been asleep since 7 (that never happens!), a rugby friend is here at the minute so at least if he hears any talking he’ll think it’s him, but he’s normally dead to the world until about 6am.

What am I meant to do, just stay groomed all the time even at home just in case I get a FaceTime? I went swimming with DS this morning and after lunch I had a shower and dried my hair but because we were staying home I didn't bother with make up. Plus he's been quiet anyway so I really wasn't expecting a call after all.

Anyway he said he will call me again later as he'd just got to the supermarket with his kids (he rang as he was driving then switched to FaceTime when they parked). What do I do now, go put some slap on and change my top incase he FaceTimes again?

Jeez it's been a few years since I dated and I'm not used to FaceTiming as part of it !! Not that we are even dating yet but this will still be an issue if I was!

Bloody hell he just tried to FaceTime again, guess he's back in the car. I avoided it for now. DS needs to go to bed anyway.

@notreallyacatfish I'm pleased you've finally had your call and agree with Shitwith FaceTime is always poor unless you have good lighting. But I'm sure he thought you looked amazing, so don't overthink it. You overcome your fear, you should be proud.

@tickettocrazytown I'd delete his number and messages from your phone. Let him come back to you. I always find deleting everything stops me from reaching out. Get back swiping too

I feel daft about it all as I really liked him, but Im definitely going to take everyone's advice and make no more effort.
I'm wondering which sites to try as I've only used POF... I'm early 40s so I feel like I'm too old for some of the other sites

Evening folks, just checking in on new thread, haven't been able to catch up as work has been stupid busy, problem with pipes, STBXH messaging to start divorce and furiously packing for 2 week hols with DC to Orlando (and apparently there is a hurricane there for the start of next week, just my luck ). Haven't heard back at all from guy who I had been seeing for 3 months, nearly been a week. I had deleted all dating apps about a week before he ghosted (bloody typical), so onwards and upwards, will restart apps some point when back from holiday. Hope it's going well in the dating world for the rest of you!