Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Mr U struggles with WhatsApp so I don't think he'd do well sleuthing. Bless him

He's also been honest about his age. A rare thing for his age bracket

Well you can probably be confident that MrU hasn’t found out anything about you.

I've nothing to hide but he'd struggle.

Mind you he knows the same about me

Oh and we know each others phone numbers

My tonight date messaged me to say Crazy busy at work hoping to get away on time (we're meeting early) but if not definitely next week. At 1:20pm. I messaged him to check this at 5pm last night. Pfft. So anyway i've deleted him.

OLD kinda feels like being a salesperson, generating leads, following them up and deciding when it's a winner/lost lead ya know? Which is why the advice to meet up fast without much fuss is so good

@supercali77 good analogy. I have read in (bad) dating advice forums about lining up multiple dates in one night and breezily passing off if your favoured one is not flaking on you. Personally I'd rather just have a night on my own if someone flakes.

Am sure he'll be back @supercali77

@RickDeckard Yeah i'm not a fan of that circular logic either - it feels like a poverty attitude - and it also feeds this viscious cycle of people getting flaked on and therefore being flaky themselves in future. Fortunately i'd organised to meet early and then meet friends after so it's all good

@Ginmel oh god yeah pal - if we've learned anything eh? haha

@Ginmel I love a good social media stalk. Last couple of irons however haven't had FB or any form of social media so has been a bit bereft in that department 😂

Re stalking: It's kind of sad that one has to do it, but I now always do it, as a few times I discovered some lies, e.g. the person was 5+ years older than on the profile, or was actually married with children. Disappointing!

@supercali77... I'm having exactly the same type of message, it's probably the same bloke I'm getting better, but Im terrible at being the one who always messages first etc.

@tickettocrazytown I figured since I couldn't meet him last night i'd better check whether tonight was still alright for him ya know? But - almost 24h to reply....he's getting nothing back for that. What are you going to do? My advice, make other plans.

@supercali77 This has been the same for quite a few weeks now, but yet to actually arrange a date because of work! I messaged yesterday to try and pin down a day and still no reply!
I think it's best if I stop chasing and chalk this one up to experience... He's just not that in to me

@tickettocrazytown DELETE HIM. Bin emoji. Fire emoji. I do not know why some people have difficulty with a Hard Yes or a Hard No but any swithering on that point should be a Hard No from you - you don't need that kind of admin i'm sure

@supercali77 you're right.. I'm so inexperienced with OLD, I wasn't sure if I wanted to see a few people at once or one at a time, so I thought I'd wait and see what happens... Wrong! I need to up my game

Do not multi date! I've been in a situation where my dog was kidnapped! Got him back and an amusing story to tell now but wasn't remotely funny at the time.

@tickettocrazytown Is he the only person you're talking to? Yeah in the early chatting stages talk to as many as you're interested in. Some will stand out. Arrange to meet asap. If they can't or there's messing about just cut your losses and meet those that can - Beyond the first meet dating multiple people just sounds like a headache to me.

A first date is an interview really...where you sometimes accidentally sleep with the person you're interviewing

Talking social media, I've recently switched to chatting on Instagram rather than WhatsApp where poss. Reveals a bit more (ie weirdo vetting), no numbers exchanged, more to chat about. Side benefit, is I'm seeing less ghosting as matches are sending me DMs about stuff I post in my story, even if we've been quiet for a week.

supercali 🤣🤣

That's a good idea @RickDeckard I've actually been hit on through Instagram and Twitter. But I like it better than OLD apps because you can see stuff they post etc and tell straight away if they are genuine people.

This thread moves so fast, only posted a couple times on the other thread.

Been seeing Mr Skinny for almost 2 months, as has been ok, I’m meant to be staying at his for the first time this Saturday but I think his divorce has come through, he told me he had a letter to collect from his parents today and he guessed it was his degree absolute. He texts me on and off all day but today he seems to have vanished. He’s also said he’s going drinking tomorrow before I go over so I’m now thinking i won’t bother going over, it’s not going to be much fun if he’s drunk when I get there? I saw him last night and all seemed ok. This relationship stuff is just hard work, sometimes I think it’s much easier being single.

@Lovemusic33 might be the divorce, even if he's not handling it gracefully. Might be worth asking if he needs a couple of days of space. If he's into you, it won't be long. Are you aiming for FWB or LTR?

Rick we are supposedly in a relationship but I have had a feeling that he is still not over his ex (mainly the breakdown of the marriage), he has been separated for almost 2 years and the divorce has been messy. Yesterday he just said that he’s looking forward to it being finalised and that he would be going out for a couple drinks Saturday to celebrate. I know people handle it differently, to me it was just a bit of paper which I shoved in a drawer 🤣.