Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

I like to DTD early on. It's a part of assessing if we're compatible.

Thanks kermit I'm ESFJ-A/T. Lots of it seems to fit well with who I think I am as a person-anyone know which type I'd match well with?

That's a really good link @kermitrulesok it even breaks down relationships and friendship not just your overall personality.

I'm a campaigner. In relationships it means I go all in but if it falls a part I always look at what I could have done differently, and end up spiralling into depression impacting my self esteem.

That couldn't be more true!!

Oh and I'm a ENFP-A.

@kermitrules Thank you, that was scarily accurate and everything it said about relationships has happened!
There were comments in the job section that made me think they'd stalked me!
I've updated my bumble profile with the INFP-T so let's see!

Ah, man.
Just chatting to MrAd about, well, everything and it got onto my exh. He knows what happened and he said:
"He has lost a beautiful, amazing, funny, kind person who also has spectacular taste in music. I got lucky and found her."
Swooooon

I last did the test nearly 4 years ago and I was ISTJ-T then but have just come out as ISFP-T. Need to read it all but on first thoughts I was quite surprised at the change.

Anyway, so much for FaceTiming him! He did call me back but he was driving so obviously couldn't FaceTime then. He seemed fine on the phone but has been super quiet the rest of the day. He said he will call me later and he hasn't. No messages all evening. Barely in touch yesterday. The past two days have been a bit weird for what I'm used to with him. A bit gutted actually. Especially when I don't know what's changed. Seems abrupt too as we were on the phone for ages Tuesday night and he rang me Tuesday morning too.

Just to add I did message this afternoon so I'm not just leaving the effort to him. He did reply and asked how I am but nothing in response since. So I have tried, but not going to push it.

Oh well.

I am ENFJ-A which is really accurate. Spooky.

@cocokoko123 if you Google what does (personality type) match with you'll get various analyses.

@notreallyacatfish mine has slightly changed for the last two. But that's due to the % were quite close then anyway.

As for him, do not message him anymore. When a shift in behaviour occurs. Try your best to not chase after him. He could be busy yes. But I'm one for watching patterns change in behaviour. When he comes back he might have a good excuse and then you can just let it go.

I know it's hard and please don't beat yourself up. This is on him and for whatever reason he's just backed off or got busy.

Thanks @lifegoes. I won't message him, I'm too stubborn for that, tempting as it is. He said he was going out for the day tomorrow with his kids so wasn't expecting much contact tomorrow anyway. But will leave it to him and see what he has to say, if he ever gets in touch again!

It's crossed my mind it's coincidental with me posting on here, I hope he doesn't read this thread.

So annoying when I finally plucked up the courage with the help from you guys to FaceTime him!!

@notreallyacatfish it's easy to get paranoid about that. I used to see topics posted of the exact same thing I'd been arguing with my ex about. But I knew realistically he wouldn't be on here.

ENFP-A here too and it’s scarily accurate.
Particularly the relationship but about my intestkty and enthusiasm giving a false impression they “know” me and I’m all in. Spot on in work too.

Oh and tonight was interesting, met an iron, I’ll call him MrEasyPipe (trying that good name thing 😂), on a whim for a drink.

But this time I think it was worth it, not to jinx it but he’s manly, attractive in an understated way, easy to speak to and lots of mutual interests. It felt really safe, simple and fun. Had a sneaky kiss. It was nice!

Whatwhywhen I've got a couple of pages to catch up on but you asked if blokes lose respect for a woman dtd on a 1st date.
Personally I don't like ONS so I never intend to dtd on a 1st date, but the fact is that chemistry and often alcohol can lead you to relaxing your usual boundaries. If I do dtd with somebody on a 1st date then it means I really fancy them and feel there's more than just a physical attraction there because I wouldn't otherwise, and therefore I will want to see them again. So no I don't lose respect for them, because sometimes you just get caught up in the moment.
I dtd with my stbxw on our 1st date and we were together for almost 23 years.
But, and this is a big but, I don't believe from everything I've read on here in the last 10 months that you can assume the views and attitudes of men posting on this thread are necessarily representative of most men on the apps 😉
There are clearly plenty of guys on the dating sites that once they've dtd, irrespective of whether it's date 1 or more, are never seen again.
How you weed those twats out from the decent blokes? Hopefully there's others that can provide better insight than me.

According to Kermit's personality profiling link I am an ESFJ-A.
I shall work out whether that seems accurate when I'm sober tomorrow 😂
My post above seems seems surprisingly lucid compared to my usual drunk posts on here!
Oh and guess who bent my ear for 25 mins tonight with her issues with children and ex after I answered the phone with "Hi I'm in the pub can I call you later". A few of my mates are of the same opinion as JeSuis stated previously, they're not convinced I can shake MissH off as simply as I think, and that by (imo nicely) saying I'm here for you as a friend I've left the door open.
Who knows, I've got a busy weekend coming up so that's usefully distracting, plus a new iron I'll call MissShoes.
Unfortunately (but quite rightly) I went quiet on or put off the women I was messaging prior to MissH asking if we could give it another go. Not sure any of them will respond again but we'll see.

Aw Ant she sounds a PITA, sorry. Is she always 'me, me, me' or have I just got a bad impression of her? (Wasn't here to read the good bits). By the way your spelling when drunk is impressive. Am really disappointed on OLD by the number of irons that can't seem to spell when sober. It really puts me off.

whatwhy ... yay for Mr EasyPipe!

Has friend over last night when 2 irons were both getting chatty so ignored phone for a bit. I didn't mean anything by it, I just prioritise RL conversation.... maybe that's what happened for you catfish with Facetime iron? Fingers crossed

So tired today, and busy. Will do Myers Briggs later. Did it years ago and was accurate but can't remember the results

Morning
Tfi Friday!!! Mr locals kids go back to mum and I get him to myself. Sooo happy. That sounds terrible doesn’t it. 2 weeks of snatched moments though had been torture!

I think you are right @Ant330 miss H won't be easily shaken. I'd tell her you need silence for now in order to come to terms with your relationship ending. She should respect that if she genuinely cares about you.

Still baffled why a man from over a year ago decided to message me yesterday. I suppose it does show they always come back! I replied enough to find out who he was and what he was after. Now I've left it. Most odd.

Have a date with Mr Bants tomorrow. He suggested my house as I'm expecting both teens to be out but I don't think I'm ready to have him at mine. Plus my DD is unreliable and might end up at home anyway.

@Ant330 blunt message alert meant in kindness
a) why did you answer the phone when you were out with your mates
b) you could have ended the call earlier

She didn't make you stay on the call. You chose to. You need to put your nadgers back on mate 😉

Meant in kindness.

My personality test in that first link just didn't come out right and I'm very self aware. I then did another based on work personality and that described me perfectly as INTP. I am neuro diverse so wonder if this had something to do with it or how much time I spend at the work, or both.

@Ant330 my ex LTR was the same and was hard to shake, made worse by me trying to be gentle and offering friendship. After about 4 weeks of talking on the phone and met once, she spiralled more and more, and ultimately snapped and now hates me.

I've done nothing to be hated, but it's probably easier that way, and the only way for her to move on. You might need the same.

Hi All, Some very interesting comments on here - thanks all it's nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with OLD! I'm supposed to be meeting my #3 today - lets call him Mr Boat. Had very brief message exchange with him last night - I asked him if we're still on for tonight - na da nothing no response at all..... So do I take it its not ok then?? If he's changed his mind I'd rather he just said that!!!! Maybe he'll message me later - that has been his pattern so far but I have a feeling I'm being Ghosted already.... gutted.

@iamthrough absolutely don’t get in touch again. Check back up Plans and if he doesn’t get in touch go out with mates and enjoy your night.
@Ant330 I think you are being faaaar too nice.

As expected, Mr Adorable Dog has gotten back in touch. He's just returned from holiday and clearly has realised finding amazing people like me on fab is harder than expected. Unfortunately I messaged him in his second week on fab which I normally avoid. I let him go to explore but am not surprised he's back. Equally not sure it's out of his system having only been separated for 6 months.

I shall wait and see what Mr Unexpected is like (tomorrow - eek!) and then decide if I want to meet Mr AD again. His dog may just tip it....