Dating thread 168: The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

I'm in a similar position to @WhatWhyWhen, in that I'm very time poor and need to be creative about, er, locations.

Mr Joker and I didn't DTD on our first date but 'twas a near thing. I don't feel like it was a bad decision. We've been in communication daily since then, and have plans to see each other again when he returns from holiday. If he buggers off after the real deal, well, at least I won't have wasted too much time on a head fucker.

I agree with pp who said a player will disappear after the third date just as well as a first date. The only difference as I see it is that I haven't invested as much emotionally.

At this point with Mr Joker, we both have little time in the week and weekends and will probably only get to see each other once or twice a month. We live an hour+ apart as well, so realistically we have to go slow anyway. If it only is a casual thing, so be it. I'm feeling quite pragmatic at the moment, but I will swing back to feeling twitterpated soon enough I'm sure..! (He's very smart and very handsome, it's like kryptonite)

@notcoolmum it was a tongue in cheek post but I had done that and people made a joke about it. People also can't remember everyones irons abbreviations.

WhatWhyWhen thanks for the advice. I agree it would be good if DD could see that I can have another relationship after what was a fairly unhappy, high conflict marriage (but that's another story) but she's a teenage girl and essentially sees my role as to provide for and support her but not embarrass her. When I said as a joke I should join a dating site she made vomiting noises! She sees her dad only now and again and is happy for him to date though DS is totally different and thinks I should do whatever makes me happy but he is at University so not here too much.

I also work from home a lot and have a fair degree of autonomy when in the office too, though am always really busy - but maybe lunchtime dates and hotels would be the way to go (if POF hadn't matched me with people so far away - you would think I live in a wasteland rather than a big city)

As I said, all academic at the moment as am proceeding so slowly (I should be called Miss Ambivalent!)

Nige I love your username - Line of Duty???

I've personally never DTD on the first date but I think I'd be upset to be ghosted regardless so I'd rather wait and see whether there was more substance there.

So made a stand with Mr Obnoxious and have decided not to meet but was very clear with him. I had jokingly asked whether he can cook and he said 'yes, I'm a grown up'🙄. I then said maybe you could cook for me to which he replied 'why should i bother?' rudely. I thought you are one rude twat.

I think someone mentioned once you actually switch off people, they come running. So I've had about 5 nicer texts from him trying to justify being a twat. Mr Casual also called me 'because I had been quiet' and I told him his lack of effort just made me think he wasn't bothered either way so I'd left him to it.

I wish I'd discovered OK Cupid a while back, lots of interest and the standard seems much better. No potentials but nice trying something new. My new found confidence with being the prize is definitely working!

I've DTD on the first date and had a good relationship. I've also waited and it's been an horrific relationship. I honestly believe it doesn't matter if you wait or not. If the other person thinks so little of you to treat you disrespectful after DTD regardless of when. Then that's their character right there and a person you don't want.

Also I seen this and thought of this thread.

@NigesFakeWalkingStick I was a bit worried when you said 26 and Swedish, I thought you had stolen MrNN!

I’m glad I didn’t sicken anyone. 😆

I think my no shagging on a first date rule is about me, rather than them. It’s not about how it’ll affect the way they see me; it’s that I know I’m likely to make crap decisions just because I’ve DTD with them. I’d rather decide that I do definitely like them and then get naked because, if I’ve decided I like them, then I’ll want to continue being naked with them.

I tend to know pretty quickly if I like someone. Generally, if I have a second date with anyone, that means I’ll have many more and spend years with them. That’s been the pattern of my entire life.

And, regardless of that, I can’t control how other people see me or what their motives are. But I can give myself time to figure out what my intentions and feelings are and make sure I’m happy with what I’m doing.

And, for those who don’t remember/know (because who would remember other than me?), MrSG is MrSlightlyGinger. So it fulfils @shitwithsugaron’s descriptive criteria. Although she knows what he actually looks like anyway. 😆

does ok Cupid ever offer promo offers, my noseyness is getting the better of me

@lifegoes great quote 👍🏼

Nice quote @lifegoes sometimes I tell myself if I have to ask the question, then I know the answer

Very true lifegoes

So I’m thinking of taking a month off. Deleting my apps, hiding my fab and telling all my irons I’m taking a break. I started old in Feb to have fun and I’ve had loads but more recently it’s getting me down. I am so busy at work, I am neglecting my friends. I currently have zero hobbies! A dating detox might be good for me and might help me work out what I actually want.

@Ginmel @Sunshineandflipflops I see quotes like that all the time and then the amount of times I still doubt myself when the answer is right in my face. I say the same with silence, it's a response regardless.

As pp have said, you can name irons when you have been chatting online for a day or so. Use anything descriptive, i.e. MrBirdsEye cos he lives on a boat. When you've actually dated or mentioned them a few times, use initials, MrBE. 🙂

Oh @Marlboroandmalbec34 I think it's a good idea. Only from personal experience tbh. It's amazing how we seem to start clinging to it in hope of finding someone to help us get over somebody else. Sometimes it works great but I've found it tends to leave me more confused, comparing them all to my ex or a prev date etc. Then I get down.

So I've just deleted the apps from my phone. Not my accounts. But just to give me some time to enjoy everything else in my life. And I'm very sure it will do you the world of good.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I've taken a break a couple of times when I was feeling like you and it did me good.
If things didn't work out with MrAd then I will be doing the same x

I'm another who'll be taking a break if things don't work out with Mr Unexpected. It's sucked me into the virtual world - I need to get back out, especially while the weather is still good

Randomly? I've been spending online too - just because I'm online.

@Ginmel ahhh thank you. I'll refer to him as Mr Disappointing from hereonin, although I doubt I'll have anything to post about him. @Ndotto yes! Line of Duty fan here, changed my name when everyone on the thread did earlier in the year 😂
@lifegoes that's a brilliant quote.

I mentioned in the previous thread I've been messaging a man in a poly relationship for a few weeks. I met with him for coffee yesterday and I remain dubious about the entire setup. He told me quite a dramatic tale of all the different permutations of lovers in their extended network and the drama seems quite unnecessary.

I really have no interest in getting involved in that sort of lifestyle.

He's nice to talk to, but I think I'll be keeping it on a friendly level only.

Whittling everything down to Mr Joker - if he doesn't work out I'm taking a break, too.

Nige - I get it now, lol. Knew it had to mean something.

Another one here that won't be going on the Apps for a while if it fails with MrBE. To be fair, due to having multi chats/dates on the go in the past ( and getting in a mess), I have been working thro the ones I didn't give a proper chance. It doesn't mean that they are a last resort, just that I was totally fixated on MrWow, we split and got back about 3 times! I've got him out of my system now, so can move on.

Sorry to interrupt thread but just wondered does anyone on here have the link to do free Myers Briggs test online?thanks

So random WA message tonight from someone not in my contacts. Turns out I met him about 2 years ago on a night out in Newcastle. He lives in my town. Why?!

@CocoKoko123 here it is www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test