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Original poster

DP said he wouldn’t have been interested in me if I was his age.

287 replies

CCDL · 25/08/2019 13:26

I’m ten years younger than my DP. We were having conversation the other day she was talking about how he didn’t find women of his age attractive and that a lot of the women he went to school with looked ‘rough’ now.

This led to a bit of an argument, as I pointed out that he had changed a great deal in appearance from when he was at school.

I asked him what would happen if we were still together in ten years time and I was the age he is now - would he think I looked ‘rough’ and unattractive. He said he didn’t know. He then said he wouldn’t have been interested in getting together with me if we had been the same age, as if he wanted children he wouldn’t be able to have them with me.

I thought we had got together because we were compatible and really got on well. It makes me sad that he has these attitudes towards women and my worth is predicated on my ability to give him children.

Am I being totally ridiculous or is this a red flag?

OP posts:
GloriousMystery · 25/08/2019 15:12

My mother thinks men are superior, should get the lion’s share of food and airspace, and that their testicles will shrivel if they do the laundry. Despite this, my brother is a nice, well-adjusted man in a mutually-respectful marriage. Don’t blame his mother for his attitudes.

I agree with pps. You could kit out a Communist Party convention with all those red flags.

Walkamileinmyshoes · 25/08/2019 15:12

Don’t YOU be ashamed OP. It’s is him he should be ashamed.

Often it’s when you write stuff down that the scales fall. Flowers

As someone’s just said, you have ten years left to have kids, if that’s what’s worrying you. Or just, y’know, have a better life?
Don’t waste any more time on him. Now you know.

Daenerys77 · 25/08/2019 15:14

He sounds dreadful-please leave him for your own sanity. If you start to weaken, think of not having to have any more contact with his horrible relatives as a welcome bonus.

xJune88 · 25/08/2019 15:15

Oh my God. If my husband even said one of the things your partner has I would be off. He has no respect for women and no respect for you. Dont waste any more of your time. Gross.

SandyY2K · 25/08/2019 15:16

Just read the rest of your posts and he sounds horrible.

I do think we're all a product of our upbringing and environment, so I'm sure his mother's view does play a large part in who he is.

As you have no kids and are still of childbearing age, I'd leave him...as he sounds entitled.

Boysey45 · 25/08/2019 15:16

I'd just say to him, everyone thinks your my Dad anyway.Which will be true to a certain extent.

Andallofasuddenitsover · 25/08/2019 15:17

He’s a misogynistic fucker who doesn’t deserve any woman.

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 25/08/2019 15:19

Misogynistic, ageist, sexist ..
I bet he's a lot more "ists" too somewhere.

Not a nice man by the sounds of it.

MadameJosephine · 25/08/2019 15:21

I feel for you OP, I was in a relationship with a man a bit like this. He didn’t show his true colours until several years in when his sexism, racism and homophobia reared it’s ugly head. I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself for being with him but because we’d been together so long it took me a few more years to actually get rid. Don’t waste the best years of your life on this arsehole. Remember if you have children with him they will have to put up with this shit every day too

Pinkbonbon · 25/08/2019 15:21

Ugh what a beast. Cluster b personality disorders often run in families. He and his mother sound cut from the same cloth. By he's a grown man so you can't blame his mother for his words.

Get as far away from this man as possible as fast as possible, he us utterly vile.

IHateUncleJamie · 25/08/2019 15:24

If you were nifty with a sewing machine you could run yourself up quite the dazzling outfit from all these red flags.

This did make me chuckle.

@CCDL you have nothing to be ashamed of. This “man” sounds emotionally abusive and emotional abuse is still abuse. It’s also insidious (sp?) and can happen gradually over months or years.

You deserve better. Do take a look at the Freedom Programme and whatever you do, do NOT have children with him. Have a rare LTB from me. [Flowers]

Curlyeyelash · 25/08/2019 15:24

I would be disappointed by this kind of response, hugely. I'm sure he has other good qualities but this is a no no for me.

Also, why do men seem to think that they don't have a shelf life? Sperm massively changes over the years. Older men are more likely to have children with disabilities. Just saying.

katewhinesalot · 25/08/2019 15:27

He sounds awful except for the wanting a younger woman to have children with. That sounds fair enough to me.

billy1966 · 25/08/2019 15:27

He sounds deeply unattractive.

And lazy.

Is this the future you want.

Pinkbonbon · 25/08/2019 15:29

The children thing is cringe too though. I mean for all he knew, she might not have wanted kids anyway. I certainly wouldn't want anyone looking at me as a potential oven.

RosaWaiting · 25/08/2019 15:35

OP you haven't done anything to be ashamed of

get cracking and packing and leave now, you will have a much better life without him. Flowers

Limt · 25/08/2019 15:35

What a charmer. Who could resist?

RosaWaiting · 25/08/2019 15:36

Pink "I mean for all he knew, she might not have wanted kids anyway. I certainly wouldn't want anyone looking at me as a potential oven."

people have that conversation before LTR though. Anyway, this man would probably be like the many men who told me I was a freak for not wanting children or not believed it....I dropped someone after a couple of dates once, he initially said he didn't want children but then said he expected to have them because "all women want them really" Confused

0lga · 25/08/2019 15:37

@CCDL is this the partner who was flirting with his female colleague?

HerewardTheWoke · 25/08/2019 15:38

Why are you with him when you could be with someone who shares the housework properly and doesn't make you feel rubbish? Pretty much any man who's not a misogynist would be better than him.

'you have other holes don't you' is just utterly revolting

rainbowstardrops · 25/08/2019 15:42

Bloody hell, don't be ashamed! He should be!!!!
It is quite unbelievable that people in this day and age still think the way he (and his mother) do.
You don't have to live with it though. Remember that

orangeicecream · 25/08/2019 15:42

Absolutely vile! Get rid of him.

Crazybunnylady123 · 25/08/2019 15:46

Wow. I do think you should really leave him. He’s told you he won’t look after you if you get sick, he won’t stay faithful unless you “give” him sex and he will probably leave you in ten years anyway as you will be too old and he won’t fancy you.
Why would you stay with this man? You can and will do so much better than that! Flowers

Sparkletastic · 25/08/2019 15:50

Tell him you are leaving him for a younger man.

The fact you may not have met said younger man yet is immaterial.

goldfinchfan · 25/08/2019 15:54

imagine being 10 years older, with kids and your DP won't sleep with you anymore and you are feeling low. He is not going to help you feel any better.
He might be trying to find another woman.
I would not trust a man with these views. A definite red flag.