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Original poster

DP said he wouldn’t have been interested in me if I was his age.

287 replies

CCDL · 25/08/2019 13:26

I’m ten years younger than my DP. We were having conversation the other day she was talking about how he didn’t find women of his age attractive and that a lot of the women he went to school with looked ‘rough’ now.

This led to a bit of an argument, as I pointed out that he had changed a great deal in appearance from when he was at school.

I asked him what would happen if we were still together in ten years time and I was the age he is now - would he think I looked ‘rough’ and unattractive. He said he didn’t know. He then said he wouldn’t have been interested in getting together with me if we had been the same age, as if he wanted children he wouldn’t be able to have them with me.

I thought we had got together because we were compatible and really got on well. It makes me sad that he has these attitudes towards women and my worth is predicated on my ability to give him children.

Am I being totally ridiculous or is this a red flag?

OP posts:
Derbee · 25/08/2019 13:57

He sounds like the sort of man who will have you and the kids at home in a few years, and be trying to start an affair with you a younger woman at work. Sorry, but he sounds like a pig

Original poster
CCDL · 25/08/2019 13:57

He’s mid 40s. We’ve been together for over 5 years. He has never spoken about other women in terms of their age before.

However, he has shown flashes of misogyny in the past. I strongly believe that his mother has enabled him and his brother to grow up with superiority complexes.

Thanks everyone for your fairly unanimous views.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 25/08/2019 13:58

Well he's just given you a whole lot of information about himself that you didn't have before. It would certainly be affecting how I saw him, and how I saw our relationship. It would seem significantly shallower than it did yesterday Sad.

I'm with Gruzinkerbell1- "He’s basically told you that he sees you as an attractive incubator with a shelf life."

Derbee · 25/08/2019 13:58

For the record, I have no problem with age gaps (me and DP have a bigger age gap than you) it’s just a matter of respect.

PicsInRed · 25/08/2019 13:59

He’s basically told you that he sees you as an attractive incubator with a shelf life.

This.
As they say, when someone tells you who they are, believe them.

Unfortunately, I would imagine a lot of men who intentionally target younger women think this way...this one just made the mistake of saying it out loud.

RushianDisney · 25/08/2019 14:00

I think you would live to regret ignoring this massive red flag OP.

Unburnished · 25/08/2019 14:02

Awful. Certainly a red flag.

How long have you been dating? Do you think his ‘nice guy’ act may be slipping?

Ask him how he’d feel if his child were born with an abnormality/disability. Listen to what he says.

Orangepearl · 25/08/2019 14:07

I think he is actually just speaking the truth.
Most men do go out with younger women because they fancy them more,it’s more to do with that than lurve.

Just look at the dating stats of what age men want to date and find most attractive. It’s pure biology and natural ( I say this as a middle aged women and yes it sucks!

When an older man comes on to you ladies it’s not cause you get on great. Been there done that.

Missingstreetlife · 25/08/2019 14:07

Thing is, can he learn?

Original poster
CCDL · 25/08/2019 14:10

He also said to me that he would leave his wife if she didn’t give him enough sex. When I said that there might be all kinds of reasons why sex wanes in a marriage he told me he could not guarantee that he wouldn’t leave if his wife became unwell. I asked what he would do if I had a difficult pregnancy and couldn’t have sex - he replied ‘you have other holes don’t you?’ When I challenged him about this he said he was only joking.

Reading this back I’m a bit shocked with myself that I’ve put up with this. This is a wake up call for me.

OP posts:
7Worfs · 25/08/2019 14:13

Youth is attractive (I’ve always dated younger guys and married one).
He also can have opinions about how time was unkind to his school friends, but those should be kept private; he was stupid to talk about it

OldWomanSaysThis · 25/08/2019 14:14

He sees you as an object. He'll return you to the store eventually.

7Worfs · 25/08/2019 14:14

Ugh after your last update I think his main problem is insufferable stupidity, with added overinflated view of himself

Zackly · 25/08/2019 14:16

you have other holes don’t you?

Oh God Envy

Women don’t “give” men sex. It’s something that two people do together.

I’ve never said this before OP but
LTB. I feel quite ill at his remarks.

augustagain · 25/08/2019 14:17

I asked what he would do if I had a difficult pregnancy and couldn’t have sex - he replied ‘you have other holes don’t you?’

Shock
RosaWaiting · 25/08/2019 14:17

"He’s basically told you that he sees you as an attractive incubator with a shelf life"

sorry, but yes. The "uterus in high heels" as Gabby said in Desperate Housewives. You don't want children growing up thinking women's purpose is to be pretty and have babies.

also, anyone who says that about women looking "rough" - someone you run a mile from.

VikVal · 25/08/2019 14:18

He sounds like he thinks he's it and a dirty old git all at the same time...So what happens when you do get to his age, he will look for another 30 year old...or younger? I'd throw him straight out the door!

RosaWaiting · 25/08/2019 14:18

btw does he do any housework?

Clearly he didn't mean "in sickness and in health" if he said it.

RocketRacoonsFurryBalls · 25/08/2019 14:20

Entitled male alert!

This kind of shit would make me run barefoot over broken glass to get away from such a knob.

(Ok I might put me flip flops on first.)

LightDrizzle · 25/08/2019 14:20

Oh God!
That’s awful.
People will jump in to query how on earth you ever got with him, but I actually managed to marry a vile misogynist with some racism mixed in for good measure.
Obviously he knew this wouldn’t go down well with me and he masked it for the first few years. A key factor I think, was I didn’t meet him with his friends initially, I’d have loathed him if I had, I met in in a different environment and place. I did meet his friends before we married and thought most were obnoxious wankers - but just thought thank god he wasn’t really like that.

Blush
I did leave him, and 2 years later I met a man who was his antithesis. We’ve been together 15 years and will end our days together.

Tinyandpetite · 25/08/2019 14:22

His name doesn’t begin with an M does it? Word for what my ex said Confused

Jingers5 · 25/08/2019 14:23

You deserve better.......

Original poster
CCDL · 25/08/2019 14:25

I asked him what he thought would happen when I was ten years older and he said he didn’t know. 🤔

He does the minimum of housework and finds fault with most things that I do in the house.

@Tinyandpetite - no his name doesn’t begin with an M. Quite close though - m wasn’t a typo was it?

OP posts:
INeedAFlerken · 25/08/2019 14:26

Holy shit! That's awful. He's essentially told you not to become ill because he won't be there for you ...

You're a younger incubator with a shelf life, as another poster said.

Yick.

RuffleCrow · 25/08/2019 14:27

Total red flag.

Ditch him now and save yourself 10 years of paranoia before finally being replaced by a younger woman.

I am a woman who is attracted to women and I certainly don't think the way he does. Women get more beautiful with age in many cases. I'm sure lots of men share my view. Go find one of them instead.