DP said he wouldn’t have been interested in me if I was his age.

[CCDL]

I’m ten years younger than my DP. We were having conversation the other day she was talking about how he didn’t find women of his age attractive and that a lot of the women he went to school with looked ‘rough’ now.

This led to a bit of an argument, as I pointed out that he had changed a great deal in appearance from when he was at school.

I asked him what would happen if we were still together in ten years time and I was the age he is now - would he think I looked ‘rough’ and unattractive. He said he didn’t know. He then said he wouldn’t have been interested in getting together with me if we had been the same age, as if he wanted children he wouldn’t be able to have them with me.

I thought we had got together because we were compatible and really got on well. It makes me sad that he has these attitudes towards women and my worth is predicated on my ability to give him children.

Am I being totally ridiculous or is this a red flag?

Good luck and just don’t go out with another older man as I really think this is what a lot of them are thinking but just don’t say it.

I see so many glowing younger women saying they have so much in common and are a perfect match with them, yeh right!

Just look at the dating stats.

I agree with sparklfairy, come back to the thread.
We will be here to support you x

Firstly, well done for being so decisive!!! I’m so very proud of you!!! Your mother will be as well!!!

You will very shortly realize that you haven’t actually been “in love” with him for a long time, but have in fact had Stockholm Syndrome. He’s been pretty emotionally abusive. If you keep up the counselling, you’ll be able to smell that kind of guy from a mile off and avoid!!! I bet the next relationship you get into is a genuine partnership because you will not settle for anything less.

Morning, I left and am feeling ok. I emailed him last night to tell him it was over. He hasn’t replied. No doubt he will turn up at some point to try to make me feel irrational.

I have next week off work so at least I won’t have to see him at work.

Thanks for your help. The support has been amazing. I am going to keep re-reading this thread if I start struggling.

Oh, OP - well done. Freedom

There are more red flags here than at a Grand Prix!

Get out. He hasn’t hit you (yet) because he’s already controlling you without it.

He sees you as a masturbatory aid.

Get out and hope no other woman crosses his vile path!

No doubt he will turn up at some point to try to make me feel irrational

Yeah, from the man you've described he's probably telling his brother you're irrational because "you're on the blob" and you'll see sense ev eventually.

Sounds like the kind of man who wouldn't credit you with being able to make a rational decision for your own life. Is he in for a shock

I read the entire thread with sadness that you have slowly come to realise what you've been putting up with.... I stayed 3 years too long in a relationship with a man who stripped me of my self esteem. He had convinced me that i was worthless and no one would ever love me.

When you get to this point,, it is always so difficult to get out and make that step to leave.....

BUT I just wanted to say that this is the first day of the rest of your life. You will never look back, utilise the support of your friends and family and they will keep you grounded if he ever tried to reel you back.

I had counseling before i Left my ex. She made me aware of the ways he would try to draw me in and once I was aware I kept telling myself, this is what he does to wear me down.

You've made the first monumental step and you will never look back... The future is bright xxx sending strength and positivity 🌈

Wow, OP, good for you!

The fact that your Mam can’t stand him is really telling.

You have rescued yourself: the hero in your own life!

The thing about ending a relationship is that the fact that you want to is enough. You do not have to come up with an explanation that he accepts. It isn’t his decision so he doesn’t have to approve the reason or understand it.

So my advice would be don’t get into explanations and justifications if (when) he starts telling you you are crazy / overreacting etc etc.

It’s good that you are off work. Re-start your counselling, talk to your Mum, see friends, have a good time, do things for YOU.

Well done and good luck.

@CCDL really well done for leaving him.. I hope you manage to stay strong this week. Do you think going NC will help matters? If ego is going to be bruised by this he may start to play games with you, it may be best to put some "cope ahead" strategies in place.

Well done op!

Well done for listening to yourself, OP. You are all woman - brave and practical. Don’t look back 👍

I think you have made the right decision but if you work together it is going to get very tricky.
Do you love your job and feel you can weather the storm of seeing him (esp if he is senior and could make work difficult) If not I would be looking for something else.
Good luck and tell your mum all his bad points so she can support you if you struggle and remind you why you left.

Red flag there

You've 100% done the right thing. Stay strong

@CCDL The whole conversation made me feel rubbish. However, he has the ability to talk his way out of things and make me feel like I am overreacting.

Another red flag there

Amazing, bloody well done OP. Stay strong and firm, you deserve so much better than that loser.

Hi OP. Just rtft and was rooting for you to leave this horrid waste of space.

So glad to see you have.

Your mum hating him was one of the biggest red flags as most mum want to see their child with someone they can see will treat their kids right. Your mums instincts were spot on and I'm so glad she is happy to help you leave this horrible letchy creep.

Stay strong OP. You can do this

Well done you - stay strong. He sounds absolutely awful and you've done the right thing.

Goid now hang in there it gets easier.

Ah, bloody well done you 🎉
The future is DEFINITELY bright now. It wasn't looking that way 24 hrs ago.

Your job is now to focus on continuing to be your own best friend and never even CONSIDER going back to that dried up old weasel's ballsack.

If he tries on some genuine seeming man-sobbing and acts all heartbroken "but you're different.. " and all that bullshit- STOP! RTFT! Remember all that he's said (and not said...)- that's the real him.

You've made your decision and it definitely wasn't on a whim. You've known this for ages and you owe it to yourself.

🌻🌻🌻

WELL DONE OP! Pin this thread somewhere and re read it when he inevitably comes snivelling.

Bloody well done, @CCDL ♥️ If he does turn up and you feel you have to talk to him (might be better not to tbh because he will say anything to get you back onside) then please try to have your Mum or a friend with you. People like this “man” are incredibly clever at getting inside your head - which is why we don’t see immediately what’s really going on.

Just keep re-reading the list of awfulness and see each horrible word as a punch or a cut. If you could see this man’s words as scars all over your body you wouldn’t give him one more moment of your time, would you? xx

Stray strong.

Well done