DP said he wouldn’t have been interested in me if I was his age.

[CCDL]

I’m ten years younger than my DP. We were having conversation the other day she was talking about how he didn’t find women of his age attractive and that a lot of the women he went to school with looked ‘rough’ now.

This led to a bit of an argument, as I pointed out that he had changed a great deal in appearance from when he was at school.

I asked him what would happen if we were still together in ten years time and I was the age he is now - would he think I looked ‘rough’ and unattractive. He said he didn’t know. He then said he wouldn’t have been interested in getting together with me if we had been the same age, as if he wanted children he wouldn’t be able to have them with me.

I thought we had got together because we were compatible and really got on well. It makes me sad that he has these attitudes towards women and my worth is predicated on my ability to give him children.

Am I being totally ridiculous or is this a red flag?

How long is away with his brother?

He does like the attention of other women. He seems to need an ego boost.

Everyone thinks he is a lovely man. If I do something he doesn’t like he will give me the silent treatment.

He’s back tomorrow night.

Ok. Do you need a plan of what you want to do next? Or what you want to tell him?

My pet hate is men who will only go out with younger women, who the hell do they think they are?

Yes, and men who criticise other women when they aren't exactly Adonis themselves (sorry OP your words not mine)

You need to be very honest with yourself about the sort of father he would make.
How will you feel when he treats your young child the same way that he treats you?
How do you think your teenage children would treat you after watching their father disrespect you for years?
You cannot bring a child into the world with this godawful man who neither loves nor respects you.

@Choice4567 I’m just going to tell him that it isn’t working out.

I have to act quickly otherwise I worry I’ll change my mind and be stuck with him forever. I’m going to stay with my mother for a while. She hates him anyway so she’s happy to help me.

It's almost too classic. I hope you decide five years is enough.

Oh, and I wish I was a troll but sadly, this is my real life and I have lived it for about three years too long.

Honestly though, if anyone does have any doubts, report this thread and MNHQ will confirm that I’m a long time poster who has name changed. 🙂

I really appreciate the help you have all given me to get my head thinking straight.

Cross-post, OP. Good luck. Wish you a happy life.

Red flag. Red like the handmaid’s uniform which he would probably make you wear given half a chance.

Oh OP. Honestly he sounds sneakingly awful. Just a culmination of small, unpleasant things.

I'm sorry. Be strong. You're worth more.

Good luck. And stay strong, he's likely to turn the pressure up if you dare to try to leave him (possibly full on charm until you decide to stay, then little digs at you because you tried to leave..).

Sorry that's a common male problem. They think they are amazing in their 40's. H included. Women get thrown by the wayside. That said I met up with a couple of old school friends (who both look great) and we were commenting (perhaps a more derogatory term) on former classmates and some look 10+ years older than us and are grannies!

I had one who said he'd be off if I ever had a mastectomy.

Leave and go enjoy your life away from the fucker.

I cant imagine not being told I love you after so long. So sad. He sees you as a convenience.
He's probably one of those gobshites who strings a woman along until she is too old to have kids before fucking off and marrying someone younger.

Excellent, glad you know what you’re going to do. Stay firm and calm and say you're not going to change you’re mind

You do need to leave him quickly. Yes, before you change your mind but also while you’re still young enough to move on, meet someone and have kids (if you want them). If you’re still with him in 5 years you will have lost this opportunity.

In fact pack tonight and tomorrow and be gone by the time he gets home.

Yes, go before he gets back. He'll tell you what a fool you are to think you'll do better than him otherwise. All bullshit of course.

Does he ever say, 'make love' or is it always, 'sex’?

Ignore this OP, it’s drivel.

Your DP is telling you all you need to know

He's giving you a blatant warning that he will cheat on you when you get older.

Some men think it is their god given right to a young, slim, fertile women their entire lives.

WTAF!!! You have other holes? I almost spat my mouth full of crisps out!

Good for you OP- go to your mum's and rest and start to make plans. You deserve so so much more.

I hope that you are packing your bags now and leaving this sad excuse for a man.

He does like the attention of other women. He seems to need an ego boost

Everyone thinks he is a lovely man. If I do something he doesn’t like he will give me the silent treatment

I've been in your shoes....

I know everyone shouts narcissist, but they are out there. All their sense of self worth comes from external sources. They may not need the cars/ money etc that are always talked about in articles about them, for some it is needing the adoration of women- the younger and prettier, the better ( but older ones will do for the ego boost) .

The thing is, once they " have" a woman, they get bored. Or they despise her simply because she loves him/ wants a genuine connection.

Do you spend a lot of time trying to get through to him? Like on things that seem normal?
In my case, he could not understand that his lies eroded my trust. He genuinely felt that he deserved to be trusted 100%. He would say all the right things to get me on side, but then revert back to " it's terrible for me that I'm not trusted".

Either way, it is ALL about control. Every little bit.