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DP ruining my holiday already.

258 replies

WhatHoliday · 22/08/2019 23:18

DP has been having a hard time with his mental health recently. To exacerbate this he isn't really seeking help and has been drinking far too much. We're off on holiday with our son (18 months) tomorrow. I'm excited, first holiday together as a family.
I'm off work already, (teacher) but I have been in today to do things for gcse results, but I've also organised all mine and Ds's packing, cancelled the milk, got insurance, euros and made a bag of fun for DS in the plane.

"D"P has just come home at 8pm, dropped the fact that he hasn't washed any of his clothes and needs to do that and pack still, and has basically faffed around for 3 hours, drinking and looking for 1 t shirt. I wanted him to be on baby duty for a couple of hours so I could have a bath, shave my bloody legs and if I was lucky smush a bit of fake tan on. He's done nothing, he's sat here saying he feels that he doesn't deserve the holiday and he's stressed and anxious. I've carried on sorting and packing and now he's "gone out for a pint" so I'm still unbathed, non shaved, pasty white and bloody angry.

His behaviour is so erratic, self-involved and depressing. I read the thread recently about the woman on holiday with her Husband who was behaving horrendously but also had mental health issues and I'm just dreading going.

Not even sure there's an answer for this. Last time he went out at this time he was on a bender for 24 hours, so maybe I'll get to go alone anyway!

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 23/08/2019 08:59

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LellyMcKelly · 23/08/2019 09:01

OP, I’m sorry your post has been completely derailed when you came on here looking for advice and support. You are right not to do his laundry. It takes 10 minutes to pop a load into a machine and 10 minutes to pop it on the line. He is a grown man and perfectly capable of doing it himself. He is choosing not to do it and to spend the time drinking and going out instead. In terms of your holiday, do not enable him. Pack for you and your child and get ready to go. If he’s ready he can come with you, and if not, leave him the address and he can join you later. Detach yourself and prioritise your own needs and your child’s needs. Become a little more selfish.

LellyMcKelly · 23/08/2019 09:03

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LannieDuck · 23/08/2019 09:07

Hope you got on your way without too much upset.

Limt · 23/08/2019 09:10

Can posters be banned for being a pain in the arse? If not, why not?

Geronimorlassie · 23/08/2019 09:11

Am I the only one desperately hoping that the OP has gone off on holiday WITHOUT the useless partner.

(I am unfortunately intrigued by the many idiots who have appeared on this thread. but my friends often tell me I am a weirdo in what I find interesting).

Itsallgonewoowoo · 23/08/2019 09:12

Hope the holiday goes ok OP and this thread has been supportive between the derailing. Enjoy it for you and your son, and because you've worked hard and deserve it

Span1elsRock · 23/08/2019 09:17

I hope you're on your way OP and you get a decent break.

Sounds like you need it Flowers

SchadenfreudePersonified · 23/08/2019 09:18

Can posters be banned for being a pain in the arse? If not, why not?

pointythings · 23/08/2019 09:18

Going alone may not be bad. When my alcoholic H left our family holiday 2 years ago because I wouldn't go out to buy more booze after 2 days, DDs and I learned that life without him was fine - peaceful, happy, not an eggshell to walk on.

I hope you can use this holiday to think about what you want life to be. Life with an alcoholic is shit and you don't have to put up with it.

HiItsClemFandango · 23/08/2019 09:23

@whatholiday did he come home?

lovelookslikethis · 23/08/2019 09:24

Op are you on your way? I do hope so Flowers you have a little mn team coming with you virtually, so be brave and have a lovely time with your little boy

Zaphodsotherhead · 23/08/2019 09:25

I, too, am hoping that OP's non-reappearance means that she's gone off on her hols with or without DP.

I think the laundry issue may be a red herring. The DP did, after all, have plenty of warning he was off on holiday, to get stuff sorted/washed (whoever did it), unless he actually wears his holiday wardrobe to work. And he's not exactly rushing home to get it sorted. Sounds like he's trying to self-sabotage so he can beat his breast about how awful he is, how he can't get anything right, how he doesn't deserve a holiday - all without making any attempt at all to sort himself out.

I really hope that's not the case, and he hurried home after one pint (WHY? On the night before a holiday!) and packed. I rather hope he didn't though, and OP has gone off on her own and left him to have a big think (and probably a weep and wail) about his next move.

HollysTeflonSeptum · 23/08/2019 09:31

.

AgentJohnson · 23/08/2019 09:35

I just feel like how can I take his son away too after everything else.

You wouldn’t be taking his son away from him but prioritising his son and protecting him from being unduly affected by living with someone who won’t address his issues positively.

Guilt won’t compensate for letting this be your son’s relationship role model

PepsiLola · 23/08/2019 09:42

I'm curious to see what ended up happening this morning but it appears like someone is trying to ruin someone else's thread...

Sundancer77 · 23/08/2019 09:45

Hope you’re off on your hols, op 🏝

hellsbellsmelons · 23/08/2019 09:46

Oh OP, I really hope you are well on your way - without the lazy fuckwit!
Even if he is with you please try to enjoy your break.
If he's being an asshole then go off on your own with DS.
Hopefully you have nice smooth legs as well.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 23/08/2019 09:48

I hopr you left that collossal tosser at home.

ohfourfoxache · 23/08/2019 09:50

I really hope you’re on your way without him, he sounds like a cocklodger

Blondebakingmumma · 23/08/2019 09:54

How are you going OP? Please come back and update us x

SlothMama · 23/08/2019 09:56

I know OPs flight was at 8 and she may have been busy with the early morning airport run and getting on the plane. I do hope you went without him, enjoy some time with your kids and take time to think if you want this waste of space in your life anymore

MummyLikesCrisps · 23/08/2019 10:01

This thread has been hilarious!

Sorry OP, I hope you are ok and enjoying your holiday!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 23/08/2019 10:01

OP hope you have a lovely well deserved break and get time to consider your relationship and whether it is still viable for you

cheeseislife8 · 23/08/2019 10:27

Poor OP, I'm not surprised she's not been back given how this thread went overnight!

OP if you're still reading, I hope you did get away on your holiday. I'd be tempted to go without DP and use it as an opportunity to get some space and consider what you really want and need, for you and your DS.