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Original poster

DP ruining my holiday already.

258 replies

WhatHoliday · 22/08/2019 23:18

DP has been having a hard time with his mental health recently. To exacerbate this he isn't really seeking help and has been drinking far too much. We're off on holiday with our son (18 months) tomorrow. I'm excited, first holiday together as a family.
I'm off work already, (teacher) but I have been in today to do things for gcse results, but I've also organised all mine and Ds's packing, cancelled the milk, got insurance, euros and made a bag of fun for DS in the plane.

"D"P has just come home at 8pm, dropped the fact that he hasn't washed any of his clothes and needs to do that and pack still, and has basically faffed around for 3 hours, drinking and looking for 1 t shirt. I wanted him to be on baby duty for a couple of hours so I could have a bath, shave my bloody legs and if I was lucky smush a bit of fake tan on. He's done nothing, he's sat here saying he feels that he doesn't deserve the holiday and he's stressed and anxious. I've carried on sorting and packing and now he's "gone out for a pint" so I'm still unbathed, non shaved, pasty white and bloody angry.

His behaviour is so erratic, self-involved and depressing. I read the thread recently about the woman on holiday with her Husband who was behaving horrendously but also had mental health issues and I'm just dreading going.

Not even sure there's an answer for this. Last time he went out at this time he was on a bender for 24 hours, so maybe I'll get to go alone anyway!

OP posts:
Azeema · 23/08/2019 10:37

Yes, if DH is well then sure sure he should pull own weight, was and pack for self if that is normal way you divide up work.

But this DH is mentally ill. When person is ill, they need extra help not be left to cope or nagged at for not pulling weight. I would have washed and packed for my DH if he unwell like that. I would have spent time talking and trying to cheer him up. Mental illness not fakery, not roll eyes and be irritated. It’s not DH fault he is unwell.

Too, after baby in bed, can still have bath, shave legs just take monitor in with you.

Scorpiovenus · 23/08/2019 10:43

what a waster

MerryChristmasHarry · 23/08/2019 10:50

Hopefully OP is still on the plane!

GirlDownUnder · 23/08/2019 10:55

@MichaelMumsnet wot - no martyr bra to go with the judgy pants?! Grin

Bobbins19 · 23/08/2019 11:03

Please let us know when he got home and if hes made it on the holiday!

BrokenWing · 23/08/2019 11:10

OP hope you are on holiday and have a good time.

You say this is a recent issue with his MH? Is it a significant change, is it a deterioration of his normal behaviour or normal behaviour you are awakening to as not right?

If he has changed in the last 2-3 months from Mr Perfect to Mr Twat and you truly believe it is a MH issue, then supporting him IF he takes active steps to get help could be appropriate. If he has always been like this and deteriorating, you cant fix him, I'd cut my loses and LTB.

ChuckleBuckles · 23/08/2019 11:12

I would have spent time talking and trying to cheer him up Good luck with that because OP's DP went down the pub on a bender, again. Do you suggest that she ring the pub to chat to him or send smoke signals?

OP I hope you and DC enjoy your well earned break and that life improves for you soon, whatever you decide.

Azeema · 23/08/2019 11:21

@Chucklebuckles
OP said he was home 3 hrs before he gave up and left to pub. That is window of time I would have spent talking with him to see if I could help.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 23/08/2019 11:25

@Azeema, if her DP is anything like mine (which he sounds like he is) then she wouldn't have got much of a conversation out of him in those three hours, however much she tried.

CodenameVillanelle · 23/08/2019 11:32

OP
I had a depressed and alcoholic husband. I got rid of him and it was the best thing I ever did. Running a home, raising a child and having a career on your own is a lot, but it's much easier than doing it with a dead weight twat holding you back.

Travis1 · 23/08/2019 12:50

Hope you have a fab holiday OP and have left him at home.

Zaphodsotherhead · 23/08/2019 14:07

Azeema

I'm not sure that talking and trying to 'cheer someone up' works if they really have poor mental health.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 23/08/2019 14:11

I’m afraid telling somebody to ‘cheer up’ who has mental health problems is like telling a blind person to ‘look harder’

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/08/2019 14:18

I really hope that's not the case, and he hurried home after one pint (WHY? On the night before a holiday!) and packed.

It's lovely to start a holiday early and have a lovely glass of wine the night before. IF everything is packed, it's just one and the other person packing is sitting beside you.

I hope OP has her toes in the sand soon.

slipperywhensparticus · 23/08/2019 14:27

There is an awful lot of sock puppets on this thread

I hope the op has gone on holiday

Roomba · 23/08/2019 14:29

I've been there and done this with a man who would be late, go awol and drink when we had to go on holiday, visit relatives and so on. He'd turn up last minute when I was in a panic trying to sort it all myself and then make out it was the way I always stressed about going away that made him do this! He vanished on benders abroad too, leaving me alone and worried. He even did this when we had DS and on holidays with extended family, it was mortifying. It was always my/the depression/external circumstances causing him to do this, never his fault entirely. So glad I'm not with him any more as he won't change. Even when he stops drinking for months at a time we all know it will happen again eventually and I can't live like that, nor can our kids.

Willow2017 · 23/08/2019 14:54

I would have spent time talking and trying to cheer him up.

What a breakthrough! We won't need any MH professionals any more all we need to do is tell depressed, alcohol dependant people is to "cheer up"!
Why didn't anyone think of that before?

PotatoShape · 23/08/2019 15:08

@Willow2017 I bet this poster thinks that telling homeless people to buck their ideas up is the solution to homelessness we've been searching for!!

NewMe2019 · 23/08/2019 15:14

Hope you're having a nice holiday OP.

myidentitymycrisis · 23/08/2019 15:24

He sounds like a shit but to those people who say OP is caring for 18 mo and can't have a bath confuse me.

I was a single parent without family help and I managed to go on holidays, pack and have a bath.

BlackCatSleeping · 23/08/2019 15:39

Well, all kids are different, aren’t they?

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/08/2019 15:43

Well, all kids are different, aren’t they?

How I wish I could lend two year old DD to all the perfect parents. She's utterly perfect now at 8 but at 2... You try to sleep train her and have her sit quietly doing crafts. Bwahahahahaha.

HollysTeflonSeptum · 23/08/2019 15:48

I's not about the physical impossibility of having a bath rather I think OP meant she was looking forward to a bath, prep, tan etc in peace having done the majority of organising but partner prioritised a pint or 5 instead.

HollysTeflonSeptum · 23/08/2019 15:48

*It's

myidentitymycrisis · 23/08/2019 15:56

OK I see I was not getting the whole context. Perhaps because I was a LP from day 1 I couldn't really relate to the idea of having a partner to hopefully rely on to share the load a bit.

Seems like OP may not come back to the thread anyway, I wouldn't blame her but hope she went without him.