DP ruining my holiday already.

[WhatHoliday]

DP has been having a hard time with his mental health recently. To exacerbate this he isn't really seeking help and has been drinking far too much. We're off on holiday with our son (18 months) tomorrow. I'm excited, first holiday together as a family.
I'm off work already, (teacher) but I have been in today to do things for gcse results, but I've also organised all mine and Ds's packing, cancelled the milk, got insurance, euros and made a bag of fun for DS in the plane.

"D"P has just come home at 8pm, dropped the fact that he hasn't washed any of his clothes and needs to do that and pack still, and has basically faffed around for 3 hours, drinking and looking for 1 t shirt. I wanted him to be on baby duty for a couple of hours so I could have a bath, shave my bloody legs and if I was lucky smush a bit of fake tan on. He's done nothing, he's sat here saying he feels that he doesn't deserve the holiday and he's stressed and anxious. I've carried on sorting and packing and now he's "gone out for a pint" so I'm still unbathed, non shaved, pasty white and bloody angry.

His behaviour is so erratic, self-involved and depressing. I read the thread recently about the woman on holiday with her Husband who was behaving horrendously but also had mental health issues and I'm just dreading going.

Not even sure there's an answer for this. Last time he went out at this time he was on a bender for 24 hours, so maybe I'll get to go alone anyway!

Here's your morning call for peace and love, and a little less derailing.

Oh OP, I’ve been there.

Teacher with a sabotaging alcoholic husband. It really is life-destroying. Agree that booze and mh are entwined.

I really hope you’ve managed to go without him, and that for your sake and that of your toddler that you can make a happier life away from him.

You can NOT change his behaviour; you can only change how it impacts you.

@Mileysmiley 'I vowed I would never let
my children come home to an empty house'.

You're hilarious. What did you think would happen to them?

As a full time working widowed parent I vow to always set the example of earning my own money to my children and giving them the belief that their career goals are just as important as men's.

Hope you got some sleep OP and are up and ready to go. I think you're amazing! I found around 18 months a hard age and it sounds like you're also dealing with alot. As a fellow teacher I'm over awed! I work part time as my partner does all the hours god sends so know the mental load you face.
Your relationship seems miss matched to me, he doesn't seem to have the drive and independence you do.
Good luck on your holiday, I almost hope he doesn't get to go so you can see that you can do it on your own!
Good luck, hope you get some down time!
Also I was still feeding at night at 18 months, it took 3 nights of my husband going in to settle for DS to sleep through and he has done ever since so maybe if you have someone supportive around like a grandparents you could try that at some point to get your sleep back.

Are you leaving at 8am, OP?
You sound incredible.
Enjoy your hol with your LO.

Oh Miley, I feel so sorry for you, I know someone like you in real life and the lack of self awareness is draining sometimes.

Hope all is well and you have a lovely holiday

Maybe the washing was a red herring.
If not that he'd have found some other excuse.

Saying he didn't deserve a holiday suck out fir me.

Sounds like he's down on himself to feel like that.

When my kids were little I washed every day so everyone's washing went in together.

Dh could always hit the laundry basket.

Sounds like you're both tired.
Dp working shifts and op Brest feeding.

I hope you're on you're way and have a lovely time. Relax recharge and then come home and recess x

Hope you're on your way to your holiday op.

Shamelessly placemarking and hoping your tan looks lovely

Miley I work a full time job and surprise surprise do still manage to wash my clothes and get myself out on holiday all on my own! Because I'm, you know, an adult.

@WhatHoliday if you come back to this thread, pick it up from about half way through page 7 when it starts to try to get back on track after the nocturnal derail. Or better still, start a new thread because it sounds like you could do with support/a listening ear while you try to deal with your husband's drink and MH issues. I fear this thread may be beyond rescuing, which is pretty disgusting behaviour from some of the overnight posters.

Funny that everyone is saying Miley is derailing when they are being part of the derailment! I think people are enjoying the derailment and are enjoying Mileys contribution.

But if you want her to stop, ignore and report.

I'm hoping OP that you have set off on your lovely holiday with your DS. You deserve it!

Just popped on to wish the OP a lovely peaceful holiday with her son

Sorry, shouldn't have bitten there before RTFT and realizing Miley is taking the piss obviously! I am guilty of the derailing too now I realise.

Back to the actual question - OP this sounds like a bit of a nightmare. I presume you have left now, has he gone with you?

Do you think you could use this holiday as an opportunity to have a proper, make or break discussion with him about how things need to change?

OP another one wishing you a lovely holiday - let us know if you are going as a 2 or 3...

Idaho yeah that's why relationships break down.... because women won't do their husbands laundry 🙄

I've never done my DH's washing. He's a grown man capable of doing it himself. We both work full time but I didn't even do it when I was on Mat leave. As soon as our son is old enough he'll be doing his own too. It's hardly difficult.

I hope you all got off on holiday OP because while you definitely sound as though you need one - maybe a break from his usual environment will help your husband too.

As for his washing: in our house whoever has time / gets up first (DH) or whatever, grabs the communal laundry basket from upstairs, takes it down to the cellar and bungs a wash in. Those who have more time sort the darks and lights into the appropriate cellar laundry baskets and we all take it from there.

Maybe you just need to sit with him and work out something that would work for your family? It may mean you doing all the washing, but you don't have to fold/iron it all, just put it in a separate basket for him?

Also: how's the fake tan? I'm always too scared to use one so any recs are appreciated!

Hi OP. That sounds stressful. I hope you and your child have a lovely break regardless of 'D' P

Really hope you get your holiday OP.

I hope you went ahead with your holiday OP. With or without your husband.
If he is with you make sure he doesn't derail your holiday with his issues. Go ahead and enjoy your time with your son.

OP you are not wrong to not do his washing. I am a sahm and a bit helicopters towards my kids (some of whom are adults now) but if the laundry isn't in the basket, it doesn't get washed!
I am a wife to my husband, not a servant!

I wanted to ask who owns the house because I'm thinking it would be better for you if he moved out. An alcoholic just drags everyone down with them. You wouldn't be depriving him of his son - he can still see him, but you would be preventing your child from living in a situation which will only get worse. Your dp has to sort his life out for himself before he can be a good partner.

Hope the OP comes back with an update after the shit show last night on her thread.
The alcohol and mental heath issues have undoubtedly become merged over time. Neither help the other. Sorry OP. I’d also advise going alone, leaving him some time to let the reality of this sink in and have a big heart to heart when you are back.

Another one trying to filter out the nonsense and stick to the original thread. I hope you are on the road OP, with or without your DP, and that you have a lovely holiday.