DP ruining my holiday already.

[WhatHoliday]

DP has been having a hard time with his mental health recently. To exacerbate this he isn't really seeking help and has been drinking far too much. We're off on holiday with our son (18 months) tomorrow. I'm excited, first holiday together as a family.
I'm off work already, (teacher) but I have been in today to do things for gcse results, but I've also organised all mine and Ds's packing, cancelled the milk, got insurance, euros and made a bag of fun for DS in the plane.

"D"P has just come home at 8pm, dropped the fact that he hasn't washed any of his clothes and needs to do that and pack still, and has basically faffed around for 3 hours, drinking and looking for 1 t shirt. I wanted him to be on baby duty for a couple of hours so I could have a bath, shave my bloody legs and if I was lucky smush a bit of fake tan on. He's done nothing, he's sat here saying he feels that he doesn't deserve the holiday and he's stressed and anxious. I've carried on sorting and packing and now he's "gone out for a pint" so I'm still unbathed, non shaved, pasty white and bloody angry.

His behaviour is so erratic, self-involved and depressing. I read the thread recently about the woman on holiday with her Husband who was behaving horrendously but also had mental health issues and I'm just dreading going.

Not even sure there's an answer for this. Last time he went out at this time he was on a bender for 24 hours, so maybe I'll get to go alone anyway!

@MaybeitsMaybelline

My husband and son are rubbish at packing so I always do it for them. I do realise some men are good at packing because my Dad is but he used to be a technical engineer so I think his brain is wired differently to most men.

Describing how you do all the housework and then your son grew up lazy and entitled just proves everyone else's point. Doing all the washing and housework doesn't make you a 'good wife'. Wife isn't another word for housekeeper.

@whereisthebloodylunchbox

What or who are you?

Are you a woman, a wife, a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a son, a daughter or a distruntled husband??

disgruntled

Oh snap Miley! You got me!

I'm sober at least.

@whereisthebloodylunchbox

I don't drink because I suffer from thryoid disease at it can affect my metabolism ... check it out if you don't believe me.

Here is a link to explain why I don't drink

www.boostthyroid.com/blog/2018/8/8/alcohol-thyroid-and-the-immune-system

Anyway I hope the OP got some sleep and her husband has packed and is ready to go on their holidays.

I thought you said that you weren't derailing?
Op, hope that you have a good holiday.

Mileysmiley why don't you start your own thread? Op is looking for advice for her problem.

@ElizabethMainwaring

I am just replying to the trolls/people on this thread who attack me ... anyway I am off to get ready for work now

@Mycatisbest

I will later thanx

Working shift work is tough, let alone when you add alcohol and mental health issues to the mix. I think he really needs serious help but he must help himself, I don't know the full story or how much support you have given, sometimes I think women want to quit far too early on a man, other times I think that woman is a Saint. Only you know how much support you are giving him, but he needs to help himself and seek help. If he does not, this is a toxic environment for you and your DS. Do you want DS to grow up thinking this is not just the standard for relationships but also having your h as a role model in his curry state? The holiday I think is just a small part here, I for one would tell him in no uncertain terms that he needs help.

FFS Miley, every thread you are on is like this - you just spam it with endless irrelevancies. Keep it on topic for the love of jeebus.

I can't believe there are posters actually talking about how men can't pack or wash because of the way their fucking brains are wired, or that men are naturally good at household maintenance jobs but not housework. How can anyone not understand that this is because of the way men have been socialised and nothing to do with their actual capabilities? Any man who says he can't do these things has actually been brought up to believe that these jobs are beneath him, and may well be enabled by a partner who inexplicably agrees with that and is happy to pick up that slack while he goes off and does important man things.

Hope the OP got off on holiday ok..

judgeypants and a martyr bra to go with it

WhatHoliday hope you went off line to get some sleep. Enjoy your holiday. Hope it’s relaxing and uneventful

judgeypants and a martyr bra to go with it Having just got here, trawled through the self absorbed postings and worked out who was who... I too am stealing that

WhatHoliday I truly hope you are now awake, packing yourself and DCs into the car and leaving as early as you can so he doesn't get to come with you! Have a lovely holiday without him! Spend the time relaxing, connecting with the DC and working out whether you actually want to work on your marriage or whether he really has gone too far and you have switched off and checked out already.

I empathise OP my partner suffers with depression and anxiety and though he enjoys holidays he almost tries to sabotage them. I used to pack for him but I was running about packing for me and DC and trying to remember everything. I also booked and paid for the holidays .
He always drinks too.much the night before and is like a bear with a sore head on the journey. He always forgets something (once his wallet with half our holiday money!) I now refuse to mother him though. Last year we were going to London and he had a meltdown and said he wasn't coming. I asked him once and then we went without him . I did not see why we should miss out and waste all that money. Once a year I go away, without him, with adult DC and GDC and it's so relaxed.

Hope you got off on holiday op.
Mileysmiley I hope you learn to understand that no one type of relationship/ family set up is superior to all others.

@GertrudeCB

I was brought up by a single mum so yes I do know that there is no superior family set-up

STOP IT!

It isn't that you may not be real, who is round here? We all project.

But you are so bloody self absorbed you can't see that THIS ONE THREAD IS NOT ABOUT YOU...

Have some decency, some self awareness... sod off and start your own thread. But leave this one for OP and HER issues, should she wish to come back.

Basically, BE POLITE!

Hmmm it sounds like your ‘d’p has punished you by going to the pub and leaving you guessing because you didn’t dote in him enough when he was sulking.

Send a clear message to him by not doing his jobs and leave in the morning with or without him. If he drags his heels, put minimal effort in to tag along I’d be tempted to tell him not to bother if he is going to sulk and have a pity party.

You are doing the lion’s share and deserve this holiday.