Break up support thread 2

[Jonsnowsghost]

Carrying on the supportive previous thread that ran out of space!
@herbsmokedchicken definitely that, although I wouldn't as I'm not a cheat....

So tempting to send him an insta request and add all innocent 😂 like “oh it’s so weird I must have unfollowed you by mistake?” I’m not gonna tho lol

*act

Just seen this on my insta

I'm going through the fucking scariest thing in my life and he's just following girls on insta. Great. Stupid bastard! Does he not feel guilty? Does he not care? Why pretend to?

There’s a page on fb you all need to try and join...am I allowed to say it on here? It’s for women dealing with all sorts of relationship issues. Most of the women are American and it’s like waaaaaay different to our way of thinking but a lot of good advice on there.

Can I say what it is or will I be banned?

Don’t think there’s any rules against saying fb groups? Go for it

tinsel I’m so sorry you’re trying to deal with two head fucks at once

It’s called Katarina Phang High Value Goddess Comminity. You need to request to join. If anything, it’s worth a browse. Some of the topics are like woaaaw!!! But some are very good!

Community*

Looks interesting, send a request!

Meant to get a good night’s sleep but ended up reading the new Margaret Atwood 🙄 I have to start sleeping better as I know it doesn’t help my mood.

Feeling ok compared to earlier but just a bit off kilter. I know it’s just social media but discovering the Instagram thing has kicked off some kind of change I think. Hopefully for the better - think I said this already but anything that helps it sink in that it’s over has to be a good thing in the long run, even if it hurts now.

*sent

How is everyone doing today? I’m still feeling really anxious and off kilter. Hoping it eases off soon! It’s a very annoying feeling, I can’t concentrate on anything. Uuuugh.

Hi everyone, I've been reading since the first thread and have a lot of empathy with all of you but this is my first time posting... I could post my own thread elsewhere but I know that well-meaning people would probably try to give me straight-talking advice and while I know they're right, I just want to wallow for the time being LOL and everyone on this thread seems so nice

I'm not even sure if I technically belong here because the thing I'm sad about wasn't a serious "breakup" per se but more something that happened AFTER my last breakup... after some time to myself I went on 4 dates with someone who was so nice, funny, interesting, was really engaging with me and wanting to know things about me and shared things about himself and clearly enjoyed spending time with me without being too full-on too soon or anything... we laughed so much when we spent time together and our last date was nine hours long, at a museum and then dinner and drinks afterwards and we both said we were surprised at how quickly the time passed and that it felt short. I was really starting to like him and we'd made tentative plans for more fun things to do in the next few weeks and then I fell asleep in the middle of a conversation (something we both did now and then and was normal/not at all something he'd take offence to lol) and when I woke up I messaged him just continuing the conversation as we normally would and he didn't reply. At all. It's been something over a week now.

I sent him another message a few days after that saying that if he had changed his mind/something was up/whatever I would rather he just say because there is nothing I hate more than not knowing... but he actually hasn't been online anywhere since then (he was 100% single, not secretly married etc lol) which makes me think it's perhaps not anything to do with me specifically (I mean, I know I DIDN'T do anything wrong, I got nothing but positive feedback lol and as I said we were just chatting normally so it's not like we'd had a fight or I said something bad). He didn't unmatch me from the dating app where we first met or block or delete me anywhere else (which in a sad way kind of makes me feel a little better lol because if he wanted rid of me it would be very easy to unmatch me at least), he just... vanished. Part of me still hopes he'll message me out of the blue with an explanation (don't shout at me!) but obviously I know there's no point in me messaging him any further. Even if he never messages me again I'm the kind of person who needs a bit of time to "get over" things before talking to someone new (yes I know we weren't official or anything but still) so I'm just processing feeling a bit crap about it atm... I'm really disappointed and sad because it was going well...

I know compared to what a lot of you are going through this is VERY minor but as I said everyone here seems so welcoming and kind! I hope you're all doing as well as possible

Hi rowlett! Wow that is an odd situation! Don’t apologise, I’d feel really sad about that too! Bit of a head fuck for sure

@rowlett that's so strange...is there any chance he could be married or in a relationship?

Mine text me today asking how I am. I gave a short reply. We both said we miss each other. I'm guessing were meant to keep chats brief to let them come forward if they actually want to come back?

@herbsmokedchicken @PuffinSock thanks for replying! He was definitely 100% single, his last girlfriend actually passed away (which I know is true from unrelatedly checking his instagram etc to make sure he wasn't a catfish before we met up -- which I hope is a fairly normal thing to do lol!) and while it isn't something he went on about in any way I have definitely thought that perhaps he got... not second thoughts exactly but felt strange about dating someone else for the first time after that happened... obviously I would 100% understand that because what an awful thing to happen to anybody and if he had told me he needed to take things very slowly (well we already sort of were but you know what I mean) or actually realised he needed more time than he thought to be single, or anything at all really, I would have been able to cope with that... but literally just vanishing without warning in the middle of a conversation???

(Sorry I realise that probably counts as a dripfeed lol but it's why I'm sort-of hopeful that he might send me a message sometime explaining why he ducked out for a while... then again he might not and maybe it's nothing to do with that anyway but it's just very sad because we got on so well...)

Hi Rowlett! Strange that he did that, but you say he's not been online at all? Could be anything rather than just aimed towards not replying to you?

@PuffinSock is it bad that I'm a bit jealous yours is messaging you 😅🤦🏼‍♀️ I think brief would be good.

Gone back a step today with more WhatsApp stalking, urgh why can't I stop doing that! Luckily when I go on holiday on sunday I won't have phone signal/internet very often so i can't stalk! Sad because we were supposed to be going on holiday tomorrow :( our first long beach holiday :(

No jonsnow I’m a bit jealous too altho we are probably not supposed to be...I’ve been stalking too, I hate it as he’s away atm so can’t even tell anything from it anyway! Argh I hate this, I hate not being in his life but I know I’m not ready to be friends again. In a way I wish we’d never moved on from friends - maybe I’d have been over my crush by now.
I don’t mean that really.

Hopefully this holiday will be just what you need, and maybe get you out the habit! I’ve got a review tomorrow and would be surprised if my phone usage doesn’t get mentioned so going to really try to cut down, it’s ridiculous how much I use my phone.

@Jonsnowsghost yes it might just be wishful thinking but something does make me think it's not "because" of me as such since he hasn't been online at all moreso than just ignoring me (or so it seems to me anyway!). At first I thought maybe his phone was broken but it probably wouldn't take that long to get it fixed (would it? I actually never broke a phone even back in my hard drinking student years haha!). He has a job that doesn't exactly REQUIRE a social media presence but benefits from one and he hasn't updated or posted on that even either for quite some time now, or been tagged in photos out with friends or anything (sorry this probably all sounds very creepy haha but I'm just trying to piece together what happened, I'm the sort of person who gets so agitated if I don't have any answers!).

@Jonsnowsghost also sorry forgot to say I hope you enjoy your holiday! A break away can help... I know what you mean though, earlier this year I went on a short holiday to visit a good friend of mine who lives in a nice costal town and it was lovely, relaxing, refreshing etc but I selfishly couldn't help thinking how much nicer it would be with a boyfriend to share it with, sigh

rowlett I don’t think it’s creepy to try and figure out what has happened by using his social media as a clue, it’s fair enough! Very odd

I've had broken phones and they have taken a while to be fixed, but then I normally had a replacement! Thanks, I'm looking forward to it but also not as it'll be the first time I've ever travelled alone. It would be nicer if he was with me :(
Now I've seen he's not been online for a while so must be with her and now im all sad again, why do I do it to myself?!?

Yeah everyone always bangs on about travelling alone and it’s ok but I do prefer with someone!

I know we are ridiculous eh! Especially as I’m sure there are times we think we know what’s going on and get all in a knot and turns out we are wrong

@rowlett presumably he knows where you live? So could get a message to you if needs be? I find it very very odd when someone does this and understand why you would feel so hurt. Why not just tell you if hes not ready for a relationship yet???

@Jonsnowsghost @herbsmokedchicken I know what you mean, but sadly I think your jealousy will be short lived...he was probably just curious or feeling guilty which triggered him messaging me. Anyway I gave a short reply, so the door is open for him to contact again...doubt he will bother

@herbsmokedchicken thank you, that's reassuring I think probably a LOT of people end up social media stalking tbh! On our last date when we were having drinks we just happened to bump into a friend of his and he actually properly introduced me to this guy and we all spent a while chatting and it was nice, they've known each other for a good few years so the guy knew his previous girlfriend and everything and he was so pleasant to me (the friend is actually planning to buy an apartment for airbnb purposes and he told the guy I was on the date with that we could have it for free for a romantic evening lol! He said he'd put chocolates on the pillows and all. Date guy & I haven't even slept together yet but he took it very well and naturally hahaha, written down it sounds a little more blunt and less funny than it was lol but I hope you get the gist). I can't help feeling like, why would he introduce me to his good friend and everything if he wasn't interested... although why would he do ANY of the things he did if he wasn't interested really! It makes no sense.

@Jonsnowsghost I know what you mean There are some good aspects of travelling alone, I've done it a few times and it's nice to have the freedom to make your own schedule and chill out and do whatever you want and it can be exciting too... but I've definitely gotten to the point now where I know I'd appreciate it more if I had someone with me.