Break up support thread 2

[Jonsnowsghost]

Carrying on the supportive previous thread that ran out of space!
@herbsmokedchicken definitely that, although I wouldn't as I'm not a cheat....

You’ll never know why he’s deleted you. Only he knows that. If you asked him, would he even be truthful? I’ve learnt you cannot control what other people do... you can only control if or how you react to it. I wish I could help take you out of this fog. Me too.

Yeah I’m not going to ask him! Especially as he has every right to control who sees what on his social media. Just really knocked me for six and made me feel sad and suspicious. Long run I suppose anything that helps me to accept we are over is a good thing but right now I’m a wreck

Herb, we are just torturing ourselves. There could be any number of reasons why he took you off? Maybe he’s deleting his insta as never uses it so scaling down his friends... maybe he’s scaling down his social media in general (I know I have)... maybe he’s tagged in an embarrassing family pic and doesn’t you to see it...

If he wanted to cut you out of his life altogether, my thinking is he would have taken you off of his fb too.

Why did his family not know about you? If that’s not too personal a question to ask...

How’s everyone else feeling today? Calmed down a bit now. Still feel shit.

They didn’t know about me because they are religious and he wasn’t sure they would accept it. We had discussed it and he said he was going to tell them he just wasn’t sure how. I guess it’s a good job he didn’t! I want to believe he meant it but of course part of me wonders if I was always just a stop gap. I don’t think I was, I think what we had was real but can’t help but wonder.

Which is why the insta removal but not fb makes me suss as that’s the only social media his family can see. But just don’t know. And not going to ask as really it’s not my business anymore, it’s nearly 9 weeks.

Just on the family thing, it even got to a point with us where mine and his family were sending cards addressed to the both of us, even though we didn't live together, I didn't have that with my previous relationship that was longer, just shows how ingrained we were really :( plus we are both currently on each other's car insurance...I remember him saying how we "were a proper couple now!" After those things :) makes me kind of happy sad to remember. The most couply thing we did that makes me smile a lot was when we did a roast chicken dinner together, it was the first time either of us had done one! Ahh how sad am I now, reminiscing about him.

Yeah it’s sad eh, he met my family within a couple of weeks cos it’s a small town and seemed pointless not to get it over with and he really liked them it was so lovely to have someone to do all that couple stuff with that I’d dreamed of for so long

My hope is that one day I’ll be able to look back and think oh wasn’t that a lovely first relationship and have happy memories of it

Ugh feel sick now. Had a junky lunch anyway then this has made me feel really anxious and queasy

Ha ha I had to meet his family on our 4th date! We went out for New year and I went to his to get ready, and he still lived at home so had to. That was an early introduction! I hope I look back fondly, I do now with my first boyfriend although it hurt when we broke up. You will too

Yeah I hope so cos aside from the ending, it was a really lovely relationship.

Of course now I’m like oh he's probably done all this because he’s still so in love with me and it’s too painful but I don’t believe that really. He just doesn’t hang on to stuff like I do. I think for him it’s like, it’s over so what’s the point in stuff hanging around?

How is everyone else doing today? Randomly I’m not feeling too bad now so just gonna enjoy that whilst it lasts lol

Well mine messaged today. Just to let me know his daughter (who dislikes me) got good news from an outcome she had been waiting on. I replied saying I was glad and hoped he was well. No question marks: he then replied asking how I was for a second time as I didn’t acknowledge in my message. I replied saying I was good (lie of the century) and that I was working on myself and I hoped he was moving forwards too and life was good for him. I thanked him for messaging me and said it was nice to hear from him. Again, no question marks or direct questions. That was an hour ago and no reply. I don’t suppose I’ll hear anything which is probably for the best as I couldn’t guarantee I’d be able to keep up the pretences of a small talk texting session.

Not really sure why he felt the need to tell me about his daughter however... i would have thought it’s a bit like poking the bear because he knows how I’ve been and wouldn’t want to rock the boat??? F* knows.... maybe it was a temperature check or a test to see if I’d lose my shit and blow up his phone again... which I haven’t!!

Herb... tempted to drop the C bomb... but o wont!

That’s good tho with the no question marks, dignified! It’s a head trip tho isn’t it, coz you never really know what the other person’s intention is. I’ve decided to do my online dating properly instead of just looking to see if his profile has come up. I’m not ready for a proper relationship yet but maybe something casual would be ok. I dunno I mean I can feel myself welling up again now but maybe today was what I needed to help me move on. Thing is I genuinely would like to keep him in my life even as a friend as I genuinely enjoyed our friendship so I’d like to get to a point where that’s a possibility but it’s only going to happen once I’m over him. I have to accept it.

Ahhhh I’m peed off with myself tbh coz I’ve just re-read my message and it was tooooo long! I read somewhere men don’t like long messages! But I got my point across that I was good and working on myself so goodness knows... you’re right, we dissect every message...

Yeah I tend to send really long messages, whereas A will send loads of little ones! But it doesn’t matter, it’s done now and you’ve still been very dignified

Just got to my sisters house as I’m babysitting and reminded me of A and I babysitting FUCK I was so happy!!

I hate that this process is so backwards and forwards, I get tricked by feeling ok then it hits me. Like I 100% believe that I will be OK, I will get through this but fuck me it takes a long time. I bet A would be horrified if he knew how broken I still am. I’ll never tell him tho. He’s a good man, he never set out to hurt me.

I am the worst for sending multiple long messages in a row 😅 I have a lot to say!! Especially when someone has upset me...
Wish mine would text me, rubbish. Second councilling session tonight, was good and starting to think if what I want from the sessions and how I want to be at the end.

And now I'm back home seeing if he pops up on facebook messenger 🤦🏼‍♀️ I'll get there in the end, baby steps! Oh and getting tickets for a gig tomorrow, which also happens to be his favourite band, I hope we don't end up sitting next to each other...imagine how awful that would be....or suppose i can accidentally tip a drink over them both 😅

Haha that would be so awkward but the drink made me laugh!

That’s good that the sessions are helping! I definitely feel I’m getting better, the lows are atrocious but they’re not lasting as long and I don’t find I have that horrible low feeling all the time now either

That's weird how he removed you herb!! I wonder if he was feeling guilty.

I feel awful so so so headfucked.

Yeah I do find it odd purely cos the fb has stayed the same! One day maybe I’ll ask him, when it doesn’t matter anymore.

Ah that sucks, has there been any more contact??

Not since I ignored him. Love him so so so much I'd give him the whole world but he's choosing this atm, not me, so he can make his bed and lie in it.

Yeah there’s no point chasing is there, just makes it hurt more.