Dating thread 167: Help, I need somebody - but not just anybody

[CassettesAreCool]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@shitwithsugaron I don't think you are happy taking a kicking. To the contrary I think you are becoming stronger against his shoddy responses. You are still enormously sympathetic to him but you are becoming more aware of the imbalance not less

Thanks for everyone's comments about Mr 4 dates and being friends. They've given me a few things to think about.

No idea why he's still on the apps if he isn't dating. But sometimes they're addictive and it's not easy to stop looking. He knows I've had dates since he told me he just wanted to be friends. Didn't seem to bother him.

Way to go @RickDeckard. Onwards!

@coffeeandchocolate9 how are you doing? Need any more chocolates or tissues?

@supercali77 I posted before I read your comment. Made me laugh.
You're right. It feels more like dating but without the fun of sex.

Aaargh! Why do I always fall for the wrong one?

@EchoElephant we can all be a sucker for the mysteriously 'withholding' type. Dont beat yourself up over it. Onwards!

I posted a few days ago about not wanting to FaceTime with someone who I used to know (insecurities) - I've still not FaceTimed (i know, I know 🙈) but I'm a bit confused about him.

We have been chatting for about 7 weeks. Texting everyday and calls most days. Sometimes 2-3 times a day. He's rang me twice today. Tonight he solo FaceTimed 🙈 and I watched him cook and eat his tea whilst we chatted etc. It's nice seeing him.

But it's just friendly chat. I have no idea what this means for him. I think he gets lonely, so could it be purely friendship on his side even with this level of contact? Am I reading too much into it?

After 7 weeks, if he liked me, wouldn't he have tried to suggest a meet up or something? Or maybe he's waiting for me to FaceTime before he decides that 😱

Oh just to add we aren't local to each other so it wouldn't be easy to meet up regularly anyway.

Why won't you FaceTime @notreallyacatfish

Loo (or vape) update...he's lovely. Very self depreciating but lovely 😊

Yay @Sunshineandflipflops 💥💞🎯

Yay @sunshineandflipflops whoop whoop!

shitwith Just echoing what others are saying. You seem to really like Mr B and obviously he will be super stressed but I would address it another time. You are not his stress ball.

Have I missed any loo updates? Need some cheering up. I miss Mr Big! ☹️ (ginmel give me a kick life coach!)

I am loving the boundaries the peeps on here are putting in place and reminding myself I have my own too.

I have had a mass swipe / messaging session. Loads of matches but no replies. My Suit sent me another pic of his smooth chest (I like hairy men) 2nd time he has sent it it’s really putting me off.

notreally get on FaceTime!

Cross post sunshine 🙌

@notreally he may well have friend zoned you because you dont want him to see what you look like now

If he's a friend, he won't care
The only way to tell if there is potential for more is showing him a photo and being honest. I say this as someone who is a fair chunk. I let any guy know up front otherwise we are wasting each others time

Good stuff @Sunshineandflipflops!

@marlbs you are allowed to miss him. You are not allowed to let that stop you from moving forward or being happy. Here endeth today's lesson. No kicking necessary (today.....)

@lifegoes because I was very, very slim when we met (and had a few dates) in the past. I'm now significantly larger (post ivf and baby). I am losing weight, making good progress, but I'm trying to hold out until I've lost enough I feel happy with. I'm ashamed of how I look now. Plus whenever he FaceTimes I'm usually at home and no effort made. If you go on a date you make an effort don't you? He would be seeing me at my worst!

PP a few days ago suggested arranging a time so I can get myself ready in advance. Which makes sense. But then he would want to do it every time after that.

I'm a fearful avoidant type... I have a real fear of rejection. Makes me wonder if I should even be getting involved.

@Ginmel oh I forgot to say he has seen two photos from May/June time! Just of my face. So he will have some idea.

Yay Sunshine!!

Notreally got to be honest it sounds REALL LY REALLY odd Gim FaceTiming and you having the camera pointing away, I’d be weirded out if I were him. And the fact he isn’t means he must like you as a person. Maybe he is just lonely, maybe this is just a friendship/time filler. But it sounds nice for you both and sometimes that’s enough.

You must have explained why you are turning the phone away?? In which case he already knows you are bigger. Please just get it over with and stop overthinking!

Sunshine yey!!

Oooh yay sunshine!

@Ginmel I went to my favourite thinking spot tonight and had a little rehearse through of what I want to say to him. Had a cry too. I really have got a case of the feels for him. He was off text most of the day yesterday and I had this weird idea that he'd found this thread and blocked me, and I wondered if I could just leave it and not get in contact again - (I couldn't) - turns out he'd accidentally left his phone at home for the day and was super clingy in the evening about how much he'd missed being in contact with me during the day. He's also been lovely and supportive today. Head. Fuck.

I'm supposed to be seeing him Friday and Saturday nights. We've currently got no actual plans, and I'm fed up of being the one who organises almost every sodding date. Waiting to see if/when he actually notices nothing's organised and if he'll pull his finger out when I inevitably have to ask can he do it this time please. I need to see him face to face to talk, I don't want to do it by text.

So I think some more chocolate and tissues and a very fucking large gin is in order, please ginmel!

Now then - did Ant ever report back about miss H on Sunday?

@notreally the only way you'll get over this fear is facing it rather than avoiding it. There's no need to dress up for a face time - dress well but be you. I never dress really well for a first date - I dress well, as me. These dates may one day see me in the morning without makeup. Why pretend now? Can't be arsed.

I don't point the camera away, it was him that told me you can turn the camera off, it was his suggestion. i didn't know you can do this. So he just sees himself. He normally phones but FaceTimes when he wants to chat to me handsfree on his iPad.