Dating thread 167: Help, I need somebody - but not just anybody

[CassettesAreCool]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Yay for standing firm on your boundaries @Originallymeonly 👍👍👍

Thank you @notcoolmum, it feels weird but good

@Originallymeonly Well done! It's a tricky road to keep on laying down those boundaries....as in, lonely, forsaking short lived highs....well it is for me, i'm very much 'gimmee the cookie' by nature but so far that approach has given me eventual heartache. Life's too short for that.

Got back from my weekend away with Mr 4 dates last night. We had a great time exploring the countryside, eating out and just enjoying each others company. Ended up sharing a twin room because that's all we could find in our budget.

We also had a few chats about past relationships which were probably more open and honest than they would have been if we were dating.

However he made it very clear that he only wants to be friends with me. And I like him as a friend. There was almost no awkwardness between us. Even facing each other first thing in the morning after a few too many drinks.

But....he wants to do this sort of thing again. Days out, weekends away. As friends. He's very tactile and given that I fancy him a little, it's difficult to have someone hug you, kiss you on the cheek, hold you hand, put their arm round you, when there's nothing sexual between you.

When he first said he just wanted to be friends, he said he could only ever have a platonic relationship with me. I expected I've never see him again. Definitely not go away for a few days with him.

I'm torn between just enjoying his company and seeing where it might lead. Or putting a stop to it now because I doubt he'll ever want anything more. Difficult because we get on so well and should be well suited.

@echoelephant I think you might be having a similar issue to me, just the other side of the boundary!!! All I can say is whilst I am hanging on Mr honorably declined's every word hoping he'll say oh ok then I may be missing Mr Right passing me by...

Good luck @Sunshineandflipflops I'm excited for you

Good luck tonight never and sunshine loo updates please.

originally go you. Boundaries!! I am defo working on mine at the mo and feeling quite good about it!

echo did he give a reason for platonic only? Is he looking to date or just meet friends?

Good luck Sunshine. And well done Originally.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 he told me about his last relationship. It ended badly. And had been very intense.
So I think part of this is just his defence mechanism against being hurt again.
He is on the dating apps but said he's not really looking.

@Originallymeonly well done for asserting your boundaries.
I need to do something similar here but I think he could be Mr right given time

@EchoElephant do you want to be friends. If so crack on and enjoy. If you want more I'd say no thanks and keep looking.

@EchoElephant - If it were me, I couldn't do it. I can't be friends with someone when I want more than he can give. It hurts too much. If you can, though, then have fun together.

Oh, and what's the point of being on the apps if you aren't looking for something? I don't really get that. Is he still swiping, matching and chatting?

Good luck sunshine - eagerly awaiting update! Couldn't you have a 'something' and coke but just say its coke? 🤔

oh echo I probably wouldn’t get involved. If he is still swiping and you like him I think you will get hurt!

Date arranged for tomorrow with Mr Suit!

Echo - that's a difficult one! Maybe he's being overly cautious, but you clearly get on with each other. However, if you continue as you are it's kinda stopping you from meeting anyone else and you might get the feels. I think I'd be inclined to tell him that you are going to continue to date others seeing as you are just friends. See what he says then? I may of course have got this all wrong.

originally Well done for setting your boundaries and at least he's been honest. He may well come back at some point if you don't block but stick to the boundaries if he does.

Good luck never - update awaited.

shitwith - I remember being on a date with MrWow when I got the call that my Dad had died, that was over a year ago. He drove me to the hospice and I was very grateful for his presence. He stood back while I said my goodbyes. I remember thanking him over and over and my main concern was how awful for him to be caught up in this. I didn't turn into a primadona (sp?). I was grateful for his calls asking how I was. Now I know a child must be different but people show you who they are in times of stress, please be aware. When his child comes out of the woods, maybe he will say something like 'so sorry for being uptight but I was worried sick'. He must mention it first though, no prompts from you. If he doesn't say anything then have a serious think about where you are going with him.

Not caught up with entire thread but @shitwithsugaron I remember the first time ex spoke to me like that when stressed. It was about a year into the relationship. Fast forward about 3 years and he spoke to me like that all the time. Correction. Speaks. So I guess his GF gets the nice side and I still get the shit. Anyway there's no need for it. You're not there as a stress ball

@shitwithsugaron I'll echo what a few others are saying. I recently broke up with my post divorce LTR because when ever there was something stressful going on, or a something sensitive that needed discussing, she just lost her shit with me. I spent another year of my life rolling over every time it happened. I should have took the first (or very least second) indication of this is how it is.

I've now been in an @Ant330 situation with her making it very difficult to stay firm in my decision (because I'm so forgiving of everybody). I've 100% stuck to my guns and I'm out there meeting other people.

No I don't think that shitwith because you mainly post incredibly positive updates about him and he clearly makes you happy. I think you've got your eye on it already so you're in a good place imo.

@EchoElephant tell him to swipe on friend finder. Sorry is he f**ing joking? Hotel and friends? I dont go to hotels with my mates. They dont hold my hands. Either its mates which means sharing a bottle and telling him about all your dates/work life/pals or its dating

The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future