DH threatening to spoil holiday if raining

[Loudlady34]

Anyone else's parter horrible like this. He is a nice man and a nice dad in general. I understand he's feeling dissapointed because you expect nice weather in August.
When we were looking to book, My husband wanted to go abroad. I didn't want to as it was over 3k and I thought it would be too hot for our young kids. So we are going to a UK holiday park with activities.

Now he's blaming me because the weather's bad. Saying we should have gone abroad." If it rains I'll be making it clear I'm not happy" etc. How is that beneficial for anyone. I feel like not going now

He needs the money to pay for something next year, so I was trying to save him money.

What does HE need the money for? Not something for both of you?

@Loudlady34

Hmmm, in 2 minds here. On the one hand, I can understand him being pissed off, as you insisted on staying in the UK, when he wanted to go abroad. I mean, if you had done what HE wants, and it had pissed down all week, or you had been in the airport for 3 days because of strikes, or plane cancellations due to terrible weather, YOU would no doubt be kicking off.

However, saying he will kick off and play up something rotten and ruin the holiday is incredibly childish and pathetic. Just tell him you will go without him if he is going to be an arse. Also, say 'we can go abroad next time.' (Personally, I would have done that, and would not have spent money on the overrated, over-priced center-parcs, but that's just me.)

All this said, the weather may be OK anyway. It's been a real mix of rainy, cool days and lovely, warm sunny days this summer. And it's been unpredictable too. The weather reports have said it's going to rain all day and it's been beautifully sunny and warm, and then they say it's going to be dry and sunny and warm all day, and it rains!

Let's hope you get some nice days. Even if you get a few rainy ones; surely there are things to do in center-parcs that are indoors!

He does know it can rain abroad, right?

Maybe he wanted a change from Butlins if this is your 4th time in a row there. It is wrong that he is sulking, but if he has had no choice in the holiday that isn’t very good either.

If this is your definition of a "nice" person.....sheesh, please raise your expectaions

Further to my previous comment, my favourite thing to do is camp on the highlands. I wasn't siding with the husband on the Spain thing; way too hot!

or even "expectations" !!

Two terrible lessons for the children:

1. sulking and taking it out on others when you don't get all your own way
2. letting the weather dictate your mood. He's wasting an opportunity to be a good Dad here.

@Howconvenient

Don’t be ridiculous. There are numerous threads daily here where women are described in less than flattering terms for behaviours that are not nice.

This thread is about this particular man and this man is being a dick.

If I had young children who were excited about a holiday and looking forward to it, as children do, I can assure you that in this situation I’d be putting my game face on and planning lots of fun and cosy times with them, not moaning and whingeing to my OH and promising further stroppy behaviour.

I don’t think he’s necessarily a bad man as such - we all have flaws and foibles and traits that aren’t that great, but this behaviour is dickish and he should be called out on it.

"If it rains I'll be making it clear I'm not happy"

"If you behave like a spoilt, petulant child over something nobody can control, I'll be contacting a family solicitor to weigh up my options. I already have two children; I don't want a third".

Bit on the fence with this one. I couldn’t stand somewhere like Butlins and as pp said it can be really expensive, especially if you have to pay for extra activities because it’s raining. My dad would never go abroad when we were little and fortunately I remember most of our holidays (UK south coast 1980s) had good weather. But there is jack shit to do in most UK seaside towns in the rain. I used to live near Margate and there’s not much for kids that doesn’t cost and that additional cost often hasn't been budgeted for.

I remember my friend a few years ago saying how she was looking forward to their family holiday to Greece but it would be their last one as when her kids went to school they wouldn’t be able to afford a holiday abroad in the school break. My dad said “What’s the matter with going on holiday here?” My mum and I just stared at the pissing, torrential rain that had been falling most of the week and had in fact caused the traffic lights in our area to fail, causing miles of tailbacks (m-way junction) and asked what the hell to do with two kids at the seaside in that weather. This was in July. His reply?

I’d be gutted if my summer holiday was spent indoors because it was raining.

*His reply was “Go to the cinema”. For two weeks continuously apparently...

That's fine, but quite a lot of people would be equally gutted if their summer holiday involved being as hot as Spain in summer typically is. Especially if they're small children who aren't used to it. Hell, they could've easily ended up booking to go there during the heatwave last month if DH had got his way. Inclement weather is just a risk you take.

Oh FFS it's a bit of rain!! 😂😂

A holiday is what you make it. I love going for rainy walks. Get your waterproof gear on, nice sandwiches in your bag and a bottle of water.

Swimming on rainy days?

Board games, card games, movie day with popcorn and snacks.

I've never been to Butlins. Not yet anyway. But Im pretty sure it has plenty of clubs and activities for the kids. There's discos and stuff isnt there? Like a whole multitude of stuff to do and enjoy.

If you're anything like us, we spend the day entertaining our little one and seeing him have a great time (which always makes us happy) and then in the evening we get a bit of 'us' time and chill out. Cuddle up together on the sofa and watch a movie with a takeaway or something.

It's lovely. It's not abroad (and believe me, we love abroad - sun worshippers, on beach all day but not appropriate now we have a little one) but we still make the best of it.

Yep I’m with him I’d be pissed off if my only holiday was U.K. in the rain when I could’ve gone to Spain.

But it’s one of those things- if I were the Spain fan I’d be raging, if I were the one who had championed cheap U.K. I’d be sheepish and irritated that he couldn’t make the most of it.

It’s just one of those things. It’ll be forgotten about soon enough

I hate being anywhere too hot, this next week of "pleasant" sounds great to me. We've always found something to do (except one holiday where one day was written off, it was so bad).

I recall camping and caravan holidays when I was young. Including one day on the beach when it began to rain. I carried on swimming, couldn't understand why people got out of the sea. It was still warm, I was still wet, and there wasn't any wind to cause any choppiness.

Thanks for all your comments. I'm just ignoring his mood for now and will be telling him to pull himself together if it carries on into next week.
Weve not been to butlins 4 times in a row, just 4 times over many years. We took the kids to disneyworld florida last october and we are taking them again next May. That's what he needs to money for.
My kids need to be on the go and entertained all the time. One has adhd. I didn't want to go to Spain which is just a hotel and a pool as I know they will be bored after a while.
For people who judge butlins or who haven't been before, just a short list of what there is next week:
A pantomime / diversity / animal shows / magicians /discos /indoor pool with slides, waves etc / outdoor pool /indoor fairground / outdoor fairground / professional wrestling / a festive evening / bowling and many many more things. Plus we've booked the top accommodation so in a really nice apartment too. This is what my kids want and enjoy and for 2k less than just a hotel and pool I think its the right choice for us whilst they are small

It sounds like you've made the right choice.

Tell him to grow up.

The forecast suggests the weather is clearing up next week in most parts of the UK.

I wouldnt ignore, it is further validating in his mind that you are to blame and putting a dampener on holiday prep that will continue into your holidays. Sooner sorted the better.

The kids will bloody love butlins and it’s fine for rain.
Your dh is being a massive dick.

Well he was right really. Lots of holidays abroad for less than 3 grand.
Why pay to “walk in the rain”as someone suggested when you can do that for free at home.

I’d try reverse psychology and be all miserable myself. Hopefully he’d make the effort to buck up. At least if both your expectations are low it can only get better.

Spain in August would be way too hot for many children. And imagine if there were a heatwave, like last month. Could have been 40+. Much worse than a bit of rain, which isn’t actually dangerous...

Ah, never been to Butlins; wasn’t judging, I prefer to just do whatever me and DH want whenever we want, rather than organised stuff with lots of other people (same reason I refuse to consider a cruise). It sounds ideal if you have DC. My DH actually grew up about a mile from a Butlins and said they were always there in the summer (knew people on the gate who let them in free).

My DF would have hated that type of holiday; I take after him and so we had to entertain ourselves. Would have loved it as a kid though!

@Luckingfovely

"If you behave like a spoilt, petulant child over something nobody can control, I'll be contacting a family solicitor to weigh up my options. I already have two children; I don't want a third".

I know you think that's a sharp, clever comment, but let's just hope the OP's husband doesn't call her bluff eh, and take her up on her THREAT to get divorced.

Threatening your husband with divorce for sulking and being bratty is a bit pathetic. You are also playing dangerous mind games. As I said, maybe he will grant you your wish, and say 'knock yourself out. I will be contacting MY solicitor regarding this, as soon as I can.'

Be pissed off with his petulant behaviour by all means, but threatening divorce is low, pathetic, mean, and as I said, a dangerous game to play.

A mate of mine had had some rough times with her DH for a couple of years, and he said just out of the blue 'I want a divorce, I don't love you anymore, I'm leaving...' She said 'really?!' he said 'yeah, I'm done. I don't love you anymore. All I feel is contempt. We will talk about the kids, (and access to them.....')

She said she was stunned, because all she felt was relief and joy at the thought of being in the house with just her and the 2 kids, and not having to put up with his passive-aggressive behaviour, his tantrums, his 2-3 days at a time of not talking to her, his over-spending, putting the family finances in peril, wondering what mood he was going to come home from work in, and generally being a cunt.

So she said 'ok, we'll start the ball rolling tomorrow when the solicitors offices open again... We'll see if we can come to an arrangement with the kids, and the house. Or if we need to sell it and split the proceeds. It's been a rough ten years this marriage, I'm not gonna lie, and it probably is for the best.'

He looked aghast, and said, 'Oh my GOD! For fuck's sake, I am obviously only joking! As if you thought I was being serious!' Then he started laughing and said 'you daft cow! Go put the kettle on!'

But she looked at him with a poker face, and said 'no, I am more than happy to split and divorce, coz I don't love YOU. I only realised it RIGHT at this moment, how much I don't care about this marriage or YOU anymore.'

He kept trying to laugh and joke it all away, saying 'don't be daft, silly cow ha ha ha..' He tried talking about their next holiday, Christmas, and a night out for the two of them soon. But what happened, never went away, and 3 months later, she left him, took the 2 kids, and moved in with her parents.

They divorced several years later. I never saw much of her after she left, so I am not quite sure what the reasons cited in court were, or if they just waited til they had been apart long enough.

You can bet he regretted his pathetic threat and mind games though eh?

Don't make threats, unless you are prepared to carry it through, and deal with the consequences.